Literary Agent Adam Friedstein: “Before and After” Pitch Evaluation Lab

A Note from Diane Holmes, Founder of Pitch U

I love “Before and After” day.  It’s an unique opportunity to understand how writers apply what they’ve learned. (In keeping with our proclamation earlier this week, we deem this to be The Official Angelica Mojo Learning Day.  You’ll probably want to get the t-shirt!)

Our thanks to Adam Friedstein, who has provided the savvy, agent insights.  We’ve enjoyed getting to know him throughout this PitchFest week!

#1  Angelica R. Jackson, author of Crow's Rest, a Work-in-progress, 65,000 WORD COUNT, YA contemporary fantasy novel.

Before Video:

After Video:

Evaluation by Adam Friedstein, Anderson Literary Management

Angelica, you've done a wonderful job on these revisions. Your enthusiasm really comes across in both videos!

Your CROW'S REST pitch is much improved for your use of comparison titles, and I like how you qualified your comparisons as well. Very effective. You also slowed it down a little bit which allowed you to give each element a bit more room and eliminated the slight confusion I had watching the original.

Well done.

#2 Angelica R. Jackson, author of Spirits from the Vasty Deep, a 95,000 WORD COUNT, YA historical novel with a ghostly twist.

Before Video:

After Video:

Evaluation by Adam Friedstein, Anderson Literary Management

Your revised SPIRITS OF THE VASTY DEEP pitch is even better (if I had to choose one on pain of death). You really made the most out of the words chosen, especially in the opening. I was struck by that right away. A little information goes a long way. This is just a well-crafted, tight pitch that has a natural fluidity to it.

I commend your work, especially given the hectic couple of days it seems you've had. Bravo!

I want to thank everyone who participated this week. I have thoroughly enjoyed it, and I learned quite a bit myself. It's been exemplary of my favorite aspect of agenting, creating through supportive collaboration. All my life I have wanted to be as close to the writing process as possible, and I have to express gratitude to you guys for giving me this opportunity.

I wish you the best of luck in your adventures in publishing!

Best,

Adam

Comments

[Diane]

Angelica,

These are really wonderful pitches!! Your pirates pitch is especially "crisp."

I think of your pitches as "extended pitches," in that you've included your hook and expanded out... but without adding confusion! What a hard thing to accomplish, so HUGE congratulations to you. Seriously awesome.

Plus, you've done an EXCELLENT job at using reference titles in a THIS meets THAT format.

I'm setting up the "Our Pitches" tab on the Pitch U website to contain all the video/audio pitches, so that agents and editors can review them to see what we're doing here or can refer their peers (when they don't rep something but think it really has potential). So, of course, yours will be included!

[Angelica R. Jackson]

Thanks, Adam and Diane!

We have a SCBWI conference next weekend, and I'm volunteering as well as attending, so hopefully I'll have some opportunities to pitch my book. I'll probably only have time for the logline or elevator pitches in conversation, but depending on the opportunity, I feel confident that I could pull out the Spirits pitch and still get across my book without it turning into a long-drown out thing (like this sentence). And the comparisons for Crow's Rest will help convey what else I'm working on.

In a stroke of irony, I didn't actually sign up for the PAL pitch session this time around. Not because I'm chicken (not with this mojo!) but because the volunteers have duties early in the morning.

I really want to encourage everybody to do a video pitch; I feel like I have a couple of different versions to draw from now, so that I can modify a pitch for an individual agent or editor on the fly. That alone can help with nerves, because you feel confident that you know your book and how to talk about it effectively.

For the next Pitchfest, Christina Mercer is going to come over and use my equipment to film her pitches (I'm putting it in writing here so she can't back out), and we'd love to see other people's pitches up there along with ours in April! And if anyone is in the Sacto area, we might be able to fit you in for a film session.

[Saytchyn]

I want to read these books!

[Christina Mercer]

Oh boy, she's made it official! I take heart in knowing I'll be in the hands of a successful video pitcher ;-)

Angelica, these videos were wonderful, very clear, great hooks, and the perfect amount of information. Awesome job!

[Diane]

Dear Christina, Welcome to our liar... heh heh heh....

I'm actually planning on opening a forum here at Pitch U, so that writers can meet up with other writers in person (or in virtual form) and work on their pitches. It's extremely helpful to have a partner in crime to help with technical aspects, give you a sense about how you're really doing, and calm your nerves.

Anyway, welcome aboard!

[Angelica R. Jackson]

You did mean lair, didn't you Diane? Though fiction writing is a form of lying. . . And lair should always be followed by "bwah hah hah" or "mwah hah hah"

Can't wait to see the forum (that you've created in your spare time)!

[Diane]

LOL. Yes. So...Christina, welcome to our Lair... where all the liars hang out. ;)

[Rachel Dillon]

Diane, you're in for it now, pairing up with those two:)
~ Rachel Dillon (fellow member of Angelica's and Christina's critique group)

[Angelica R. Jackson]

Rachel, I can't believe you would say such things about us. Especially me, the always-so-serious member of the group. I'm hurt.

Okay, okay, the truth is out. I have 3 older brothers (and 1 younger), and I was raised to believe that no get-together is complete without causing at least one person to shoot (beverage of choice) out their noise from laughing too hard.

Obviously I can repress my mischievous side in order to appear professional, like in these videos. Even if it means I have to reluctantly scratch the word "ass" out of my Crow's Rest pitch.

[Tina Moss]

Angelica, it is extremely awesome of you to offer to help others in your area record their pitches. And yes, I used extremely awesome! I'm stuck in the 90s. :)

[Angelica R. Jackson]

Just wanted to share a little of the pitch experience for my friend and crit partner, Christina Mercer. She blogged about it at http://christinasbuzz.blogspot.com , but I wanted to expand because we found a good tip that worked for both of us.

After a few takes, your enthusiasm can start to dip. You just want to get through it, and you're concentrating on the words so much that you don't have much to spare for rhythm, variation in your voice, and enthusiasm.

So I had Christina try something that worked for me (I wasn't sure if it would work for another person's style), namely running through the pitch in an overly-exaggerated voice. Think the movie trailer guy like "In a world where . . ." or an extra perky news anchor.

The movie trailer style lends itself to suspenseful stories (you can almost hear the "dom, dom, dom" for the hook) and the perky one works for a lot of stories with humor or romance.

Then, when you go back to the pitch with your "normal" voice, you'll discover that you've borrowed some of the flavor of the put-on voice. It helped us to show more enthusiasm, sound more interesting because of the varied inflection, find the natural rhythm in long sentences, and look more relaxed. All good things to have in your presentation!

I'm probably not the first one to stumble onto this technique, but if you're doing a pitch (video or in person) you might want to give it a try and see if it works for you.

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