Heather: Centurions as characters!  Tell us how you came up with that idea.

Bent: I got the idea to write a story about a pair of brothers joining and fighting in the Roman Legions as a small boy of eight or nine but wrote my first ‘saga’ of ten chapters, THE GREEN KNIGHT, shortly after reading THE HOBBIT in fifth Grade.

Since that time, someone convinced me to write the newsletter for the rugby team or motorcycle groups I have belonged to, or projects for the US Army. A few years ago, I became enamored with Arthur Conan Doyle’s short stories “Tales of Long ago” and converted them into plays, and then did the same thing for P.G. Wodehouse’s ‘Pighooey!’

Do you participate in any online groups or organizations?

In addition to Pitch University, I occasionally contribute to a Facebook page called Absolute Write, a group made up of mostly self-published authors who want to discuss the latest trends in writing and marketing.

Professionally speaking, I belong to several historical groups devoted to everything ‘Roman’.

• I consult with Apicus.com for references on food and sauce preparation procedures as well as ancient recipes (Stuffed and baked dormice, crunchy but without singed ears?).
• Romanarmytalk.com is devoted to anything concerning the military. Ben Kane (Forgotten Legion) and Stephen Pressfield (Gates of Fire) regularly participate in discussions on this valuable tool for my work.

It sounds like you’re an avid researcher and active in the writing community. How did you discover Pitch-University?

I joined Pitch U while searching through an agent website. The website was bogus, but Pitch U and Writer’s Digest absolutely were not.

The alpha-male oriented Romanarmytalk.com should be my target audience. Unfortunately, we can be rough on even the most experienced members, not a place for the thin-skinned authors who are proposing a fictional story to obsessive-compulsive, detail freaks.

I found Pitch U to be much more nurturing and friendly; like having a bowl of Campbell’s soup with June Lockhart. Ouch! Did I just date myself?

We’re so glad you find PitchU a warm, friendly place. We love our writers! Can you tell us a little bit about how PitchU has helped you in your quest to become a better writer?

With improved typing skills, increased speed and more than two fingers, a ‘wordiness’ crept into my prose. Pitch U reintroduced ‘brevity’ to my writing. On occasion, I see a similar affliction in other members. I would like to believe I returned the favor.

My first book was self-published. I sent a query for the completed sequel to the Charles Viney Agency in England; the same agency representing Ben Kane. I have yet to receive a response, but Pitch U definitely refreshed my sales skills! These tonics serve me well as practice for the big sale, when that happens.

I love your optimism. Do you think pitching is different from querying?

I believe pitching is a very different skill from query writing, albeit with the same goal. When pitching individual book sales, I have just seconds to sell the idea, an interest in the story. It is the query that ultimately sells the book, but the pitch is the ‘hook’. The best pitch is in the title. Title is 90% of what sells me on unfamiliar authors.

Either I continue talking and the buyer reads the back of the book and takes my card to order …or he/she shrugs a shoulder, ‘not my thing,’ and walks away. For books two and three, my pitch and query are interchangeable because the original characters are now older Centurions and in Gaul.

Will you be attending any conferences this year?

I might attend a writers conference if it were held in Atlanta or even more locally, but I travel quite a bit with work already so out of state conference attendance would have to remain coincidental.

Do you have a motto?

I suppose my motto would be Brevi venderes! Simple sells!

Thanks for being a part of Pitch-University, Brent. We hope to see you in the forums soon.

Brent is a native of the California Bay Area. He joined the army after graduating from San Jose State University in 1979. After ten years in service in the military, he divided his time between rugby, motorcycles, construction, teaching, theater, and raising kids in Columbus Georgia.

Now that life no longer interferes with his writing plans, he intends to make FIRST SPEAR into a historical fiction series, chronicling the lives of Centurions mentioned in Caesar’s commentaries.

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by Heather Webb

Heather is a historical fiction writer, but dabbles occasionally in YA. When she’s not writing by the glow of her coffee pot light, she’s chasing her gremlins, ogling kitchen gadgets, sampling wine, or on an airplane to her next destination. Her “real” job is the Executive Director of New England Virtual High School, an online school for teens.

After discovering Pitch U, Heather became hooked to its invaluable columns and wonderfully supportive staff.  When asked to become part of the team, she was thrilled! This is THE PLACE to be. You can also find her on the web at her BLOG for writing tips, recipes, and pop culture rants or follow her on Twitter.

SpireHouse Books launched Cheri Lasota’s first novel, Artemis Rising, in Sept 2011. The book is a YA historical fantasy based on mythology and set in the exotic Azores Islands.

Currently, Cheri is writing and researching her second novel, a YA set on the Oregon Coast. Over the course of her sixteen-year career, she has edited fiction, nonfiction, screenplays, and short stories for publication. Cheri also has twenty-four years of experience writing poetry and fiction. Learn more about Artemis Rising at http://www.cherilasota.com or buy it at http://bit.ly/ArtemisRisingNovel.

A Radical Thought

People often ask me why I haven’t released a paperback of my debut novel, Artemis Rising. I tell them what I’ll tell you: I’m test-marketing. I don’t want to miss this awesome chance to make adjustments to the book that will help to make it more marketable.

I published with E-Publisher SpireHouse Books precisely so that I could have the opportunity to make changes to the novel, essentially ensuring that I was releasing the highest quality ebook I could.

Quick-Edits

Elements you can change in an ebook

• Cover design
• Title
• Subtitle or tagline
• Grammar/punctuation
• Typos
• Plotholes
• Formatting errors
• Target market
• Content/research errors
• Genre
• Pricing

Elements you can add to an ebook

• Bonus content
• Interactive features
• Book excerpt from other authors’ books or your next novel
• Audio / video
• Photographs
• Hyperlinks

These types of changes are quick and are much easier to update than a paperback would be. Bear in mind, too, that reader reviews can make or break a book in terms of sales. If your novel is littered with formatting or grammatical errors, even one Amazon.com review drawing attention to that fact can damage future sales. If you were unaware of errors at publication time, you’re sure to hear of it soon from your readers. Pay attention to what they’re saying. Make changes. Get an editor to go through your manuscript. Never stop improving your book. The benefit will show clearly in your sales.

The Power of Ebook Rights

I would say the No. 1 advantage for choosing the indie route is that you can keep your ebook rights. These rights are priceless for so many reasons, but the main benefit is the flexibility electronic publishing offers an author. An indie ebook author is in it for the long haul. Sales and marketing is measured in years, not months (as in the traditional book model). You don’t have to prove yourself within three months or risk being pulled from the shelves and going out of print.

The field is wide open for you to make your mark in the book world. You can plan a long-term strategy with multiple large-scale campaigns and book redesigns. How cool is that? Many traditionally published authors are snagging their rights back on previously published, older books and repackaging them to sell on their own. If you fall into that camp, don’t hesitate! Get your book out there and make it earn its keep. It’s a fantastic time to put a book out there in the market to see how it flies.

As for my novel, Artemis Rising, we’ve recently changed the cover design slightly and added a different tagline: “Escape Your Name. Escape Your Fate.” We’ve changed the pricing. We’ve added an excerpt from Winnemucca, another YA novel by Laura Elliott for cross-promotional marketing. We’ve added images of ancient maps to highlight the book’s setting.

One of the most amazing things we’ve been able to do is make updates to some cultural references in Artemis Rising. The story is set in the Azores Islands, Portugal. I’ve had very little research material to reference while writing, but I recently joined an Azorean Facebook group with over 44,000 members. Many of them have been gracious enough to offer me their expertise and share their experiences and family histories. This new knowledge went directly into my recent edits of Artemis Rising. None of that would have been possible if I hadn’t had the ability to make quick edits to the ebook.

If you are still considering how you want to publish your next novel—traditional or indie—consider quick edits an excellent benefit of indie publishing as you carefully weigh your decision.

Test-Marketing to Success

Back to test-marketing. Remember I mentioned genre in the above bulleted list? I’m currently considering two target markets: young adult girls and women in their 20s to 40s. Artemis Rising has crossover appeal for many reasons. It has attracted attention from those interested in mythology, historical novels, and the Azores Islands. These are all avenues I can explore as I test-market this book.

To explain more fully, I can focus on one market at a time by making changes to the ebook file to better target a specific audience. For example, if I’m targeting those who have an interest in mythology, I can change the historical maps (bonus content) to information, links and images that represent the mythologies that I feature in the novel. When I want to shift focus to another target market, I would simply update the file to include elements focusing on other features of the book.

Consider test-marketing and quick edits as essential elements of your book marketing plan. They can make a huge difference in your book sales over time. Explore and experiment and you’ll find that the possibilities are endless with ebooks. Seize your market!

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Learn more…

… about the novel or contact Cheri at CheriLasota.com, Twitter or Facebook. The book is available in all digital formats and can be purchased at SpireHouseBooks.com, iTunes, Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and KoboBooks.com.

ARTEMIS RISING

YA Historical Fantasy - 101,000 words

E-book Available on iTunes, KoboBooks, Amazon, Barnes & Noble $4.99

E-book Card Edition $2.99 (Exclusive content on an author-signed gift card)

Brief pitch for Artemis Rising

Torn between her father’s Catholicism and her mother’s Pagan beliefs, Eva finally chooses Paganism. She accepts the name of Arethusa but learns too late that her life will mir­ror the Greek nymph’s tragic fate. When they sail to the Azores Islands, her mother tells her that the ful­fill­ment of her des­tiny rests with Diogo, the shipowner’s son. But Eva sees a vision of another...

When the ship founders off the Azores, Tristan, a young Azorean, saves her. Destined to be with Diogo and aching for Tristan’s for­bid­den love, Eva must some­how choose between them, or fate will soon choose for her.

Reviews

• Amazon Reviews
• Various Reviews

Sample Reviews

I have read all of your chapters more slowly than is my wont sim­ply because I could not bear to miss a moment of savouring the beauty of your prose, the power of your story, the strength of your imagery, the scents, the sounds, the con­trasts ... this is just one of those magic books where I want to banish the world and all its cares and interruptions and immerse myself in this heady passion-​​flower of a book which you have created.

—M.M. Bennetts, author of May 1812 and Of Honest Fame

—Linda Horne, EbookItReviews.com

Artemis Rising is an intriguing and complex tale, yet in the hands of author Cheri Lasota, the story flows seamlessly, gathering the reader into a world so real you can smell the bergamot along with Eva, feel the pitch­ing of a storm-​​tossed ship, and the sweet taste of first love. Yet Eva’s world, Arethusa’s world, is one of magic, a place where themes of ancient myth and religious thought meet, con­front, and struggle for supremacy.

—Alice Lynn, Author of Volunteer for Glory

This is the sort of writ­ing in which it is impossible to dis­cern the workings, the scaffold­ing and the glue: it is effort­less to read, which speaks of care­ful craft­ing and polishing, and your set­ting is convincing with­out ever once feel­ing like a his­tory les­son. I felt com­fort­able in it—so much so, that I for­got about being a reviewer and just became a reader, lost in an engross­ing story. I would buy this.

—Louise Galvin, author of Souvenirs

Buy Artemis Rising, my debut YA historical fantasy, at SpireHouseBooks.com or Amazon.

You rock.

You are a frenzied lot of rock-star creatives who kick butt.  You are inventive beyond belief (and I believe a lot of crazy stuff).  And you are true believers that harness massive forward momentum, because it is yours for the taking.

I am one of you.  Frenzied, crazy, and massive.  No, wait…  I meant “true believer.”  Yeah, that’s much better.

And I have good news for all of you who actually can’t take an entire month off of…

• work,
• kids,
• pets and their associated medical conditions (not including whatever is living in the attic, which may or may not have a “condition”)
• family moves (all 3 involving your help),
• birthdays, holidays, and days your sinuses suck,
• surgery, catastrophe, and “being there” for those you love,
• emergency air conditioner, computer, refrigerator, dishwasher, and phone repair and/or total replacement and/or declaration of death and funeral-by-recycling (is it legal for everything to break at once?)

… in order to devote all day, every day to NaNo.

Everyone gets sidetracked.  The key is finding a touchstone to bring you instantly back to passion, story, and forward momentum.

Create a pitch that becomes a motivational touchstone.

Here’s how it works.  This is NOT a selling pitch.  This time, you are pitching yourself.

#1  List all the reasons you are TOTALLY excited by your idea, plot, characters, twists & turns, whatever you have so far.  Why is it amazingly cool to you?

#2  Think about the geeky aspects of your story (“would only be understood by another writer”), the parts that make your heart pitter pat because You. Get. To. Play. With. Them. 

• Narrative time loops?
• Quotes at the beginning of each chapter?
• Multiple POV including the unusually large mouse in the attic?
• Archetypes, themes, structures, tropes, set pieces?
• Character quirks?
• Rules you’ll break?
• Coolness Factors?

There are always reasons why *this* book captures your heart and imagination, and why readers will (frankly) be lucky to read it.  That’s what we’re looking for.

#3  Create a pitch just for you.  A motivational pitch. 

• This is a book were I get to….
• I can’t wait to play with….
• No one has ever….
• I just love….

#4  In true NaNo form, do not edit what you write.  Just plow it on out there with such excitement and force that it has to be true.

These are the core words that will guide you when your life interrupts.  These words are your power. 

Just like a selling pitch, where you capture the agents’, editor’s, or reader’s attention, these words capture YOUR attention.  These words tap into your book’s potential and link it to your passion.

Pretty cool, eh?

#5  Post it on your computer desktop, on the wall, on the bathroom mirror, on the new refrigerator….  Post it wherever you need the reminder of what’s waiting for you once sit down to write.

BONUS TRICK:  At your computer, post your favorite sentence from the last writing session.  Damn you’re good.  Now keep going.

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This article is part of a series by Pitch U Founder, Diane Holmes.  Next up…

• Better NaNo Focus through Pitching

by PitchU Minion Tina Moss, our fearless Comments Samurai

Each month we will be reading your comments to find the most useful, insightful, heartfelt or inspirational responses to Pitch University articles. The top poster will be featured here along with honorable mentions.

The September Best Comment Award goes to…

... Claude Nougat for her response to How to Sell Your Genre Book: 8 Advanced Tips For Creating a Powerful Genre Pitch.

The article featured tips on pitching based on your genre style from multi-published author of romantic suspense novels, Colleen Thompson. She’s also written epic fantasy and historical romance. Her list of eight tips gives the perfect rundown of how to pitch and use the guidelines of your genre effectively.

Claude reaffirmed Colleen’s practical advice and put in a spin of her own. Here is her award winning comment:

“Very useful advice, Colleen! I especially like the concept of highly polarized characters thrown together and the idea of dropping them into harrowing situations where their "external defenses are stripped away", as you put it. That is the very essence of the best kind of suspense: the psychological kind. The one that reveals the inner core of characters.”

- September 3, 2011

Additional wonderful comments for the month of September come from our Honorable Mentions:

· From our Founder and Chief Alchemist, Diane Holmes, in response to How to Avoid Scams With Vanity Presses.

“Tara, Really excellent series this week on Indie Publishing, e-book services, and full-services. That language has changed so much over the years, especially the last few years. And it's really confusing out there.  
For one thing, scammers take legitimate technology and concepts, and then use those terms in order to sound... well, legit. I think POD (Print On Demand) is one of those terms. ”

- September 15, 2011

It can be hard to tell the difference between a legitimate publishing enterprise and a scammer. Thanks for making it easier to spot the bad guys!

· From Kathy in response to Part 3: From Good Title to GREAT with Natalie C. Markey (Plus drawing on Writing Moms class!)

“Too cute, I'm not a mommy but I can imagine you have a lot to juggle. I get to juggle ill husband, know it all YOUNGer sister, that I am stuck living with and being the chauffer for all doctors' appointments, dialysis etc for the hubby. IF you can juggle the baby, I'd love to read some of your stories I bet they make great writing inspiration. Loved your titles. I'm sure there are lots of tales form lots of writing mommies to make a best seller for the NY Times list. Good luck and hugs to the baby.”

- September 28, 2011

In salute to all the writer moms out there, I couldn’t agree more with Kathy. If you can give us the secret of how to juggle, I’ll read that book any day of the week.

Today: an Interview with Literary Agent Jenny Bent of The Bent Agency!

It all started when Lit. Agent Jenny Bent attended ThrillerFest last July…

Jenny is one of those agents who writers just… love.  She’s smart, dynamic, and a darn fine agent who speaks “writer.” 

 Literary Agent Jenny Bent is the founder of the Bent Agency. With 20 years of experience in the industry, she represents commercial fiction (including adult, young adult, and middle grade) and nonfiction, literary fiction and memoir.

Her clients include NYT bestselling authors Lynsay Sands, Laurie Notaro, John Kasich, Julia London, Jacqueline Sheehan, Lori Wilde, Sandra Hill, USA Today bestselling authors Janelle Denison, Kathryn Caskie, Kieran Kramer, Young Adult authors Tera Lynn Childs, Jenny Archer, Brent Crawford, Amanda Ashby, to name just a few.

Her website is www.thebentagency.com and you can find her on twitter as @jennybent.”

Diane: Help set the scene for us at ThrillerFest’s AgentFest this last July. As an agent, what’s it like to attend a “speed dating” event like this? (I can just imagine the electric excitement in the air, the smell of promising stories, the sound of nervous writers….)

Jenny: It’s intense! I had never done it before, so I didn’t realize that there were no scheduled appointments. Instead, it’s just a big room full of agents sitting at tables and the authors run in and line up for the agents they want to talk to.

I got really nervous that no one would want to come talk to me! There were a ton of really good agents there this year.

Diane: What did you think of the Pitch Sheet approach? Did it work for you? Did the writers make the best use of it?

Jenny: I loved it. I take in information much better by reading than I do by listening. So it gave me a great way to follow along with the pitch. It was also helpful because usually at a pitch I have to coax useful information out of the author, like their bio, a log line, a title. But with the Pitch Sheet I had all that information at my fingertips.

I think ITW did an amazing job showing the authors how to do it and what to include.

Diane: Where did writers go right with their pitching and Pitch Sheets? And where did writers go wrong?

Jenny: The only way they went wrong was by not knowing exactly what I represented and didn’t represent (one or two people pitched me cozy mysteries), or because they didn’t prepare a Pitch Sheet.

Pretty much everyone who did one did a great job.

People should remember that formatting is important, even just very subtly, in terms of making a good impression. So if you are doing one, and you don’t have good design skills, get a friend to help you. And always have a friend proof your work even if you’ve looked at it a million times.

Diane: AgentFest is part of the International Thriller Writers’ annual conference. Do you find there are specific challenges for writers in pitching depending on their genre? If so, can you give us a sense for what to watch out for in your favorite genres?

Jenny: I actually think the rules are pretty universal. I think any conference could benefit from using the Pitch Sheet approach.

Diane: Where can we catch up with you next? Any conferences in your future?

Jenny: Yes, a bunch! Check out my blog for details.

I also just added Silken Sands in Pensacola Beach Florida on March 16 through 18^th.

Diane: And finally, if you could wave a magic wand and change anything about conference pitching, what would that be?

Jenny: I really want people to stop reading very long plot summaries from index cards. I know it’s hard but it works best to speak extemporaneously during a pitch.

Many, many thanks, Jenny! We look forward to having you join us during our upcoming September PitchFest.

Every year, the International Thriller Writers’ national conference, ThrillerFest, brings Industry Pros, Writers, and Readers together in one giant Thriller Love Fest.

Donna May attended AgentFest this summer, and she’s here today to give us insight into what it’s like to participate in ITW’s agent “speed dating” event, and how she created her PitchSheet.

At the time, she was completely new to pitching.  She’d never spoken 1-on-1 with an agent,  much less pitched her book to a room filled with agents.  And she’d certainly never heard of a PitchSheet before.

Well, she survived, and she’s here to share how she prepared for this (overwhelming) event.

But first, a little background…

If you’re a writer attending ThrillerFest, you want to dive head first into two main events:

• The expert CraftFest workshops (order tapes here) &
• The massively successful AgentFest, where writers are invited to take 3-minute pitch appointments with dozens of agents, hoping to get a request.

As part of AgentFest, master thriller writer Shane Gericke, author of Torn Apart, invited attending writers to create PitchSheets, a 1-page handout attendees were asked to share with each agent. 

He’s a wizard of the AgentFest pitching experience and has lots of great advice here, and he’s written about the huge success of AgentFest here.

This post is your chance to experience the agent speed-dating type of pitch appointment, from the safety of your living room.  Tomorrow, we’ll hear from Literary Agent Jenny Bent, for insight into the agent’s ITW experience.

Take it away Donna!

Donna’s Plan: Avoid Writing a Query Letter

I’m new at pitching. After a serious health scare, I started taking writing seriously seven years ago, but so far the process has been like this:

1. Write novel, stick novel in drawer.
2. Write slightly better novel, buy bigger drawer.

Then came the third novel that, maybe, didn’t completely stink, but the whole process of trying to get an agent seemed utterly terrifying to me, especially the dreaded query letter.

So, when I heard about the AgentFest part of ThrillerFest, that seemed like a great way to get around writing the letter at all.

Instead, I could meet a bunch of agents face to face and have three minutes to sell them on all the wonderful qualities of my book. Great plan—especially because it was months in the future.

Yikes, Reality Shows Up

What I didn’t realize is that all the prep that went into my verbal pitch was the same, if not harder, than writing a query letter, because there was the added performance aspect.

The closer the conference came, the more certain it seemed that I would fall on my face. So in panic, I reached out for any lifeline.

Our local LA branch of Sisters in Crime offered a workshop on pitching with the prolific Sue Ann Jaffarian, who taught me how much I didn’t know.

My worst offense:  while I’d described the overall plot in one sentence, I hadn’t conveyed what made my book unique. It was back to the keyboard.

And when I opened my email back home, there was a message from Shane Gericke, one of the conference organizers suggesting that we all bring a one-page information sheet with us, because some of the agents had requested them.

So much for getting out of writing a query letter. Now I also had to find a decent photo to go with it.

Luckily, my writer’s group was willing to brainstorm.

I have no problem ‘fessing up – my logline, all twenty-five words, is the work of Lynn Schwartz, a terrific YA writer.

As Diane pointed out when I told her this story, sometimes it takes a pair of outside eyes to help us find the gold nugget hiding in the thesaurus.

Next came the one-paragraph plot summary. For that, I sought the help of some neighbors who are not writers. With their help and a couple of glasses of wine, it went from one paragraph to five, but they provided a key ingredient.

No, not their wine cellar, their enthusiasm.

Time to Prep

On the red eye to New York, I practiced the paragraph I’d finally landed on over and over until it was thoroughly memorized.

Problem was, it felt like I was reading a term paper, probably because the only other time I’ve had to read from memorization was back in grade school. Alarm bells flared.

The first day of CraftFest, we all skipped lunch to hear a workshop called, “What if? So What? Learn to Pitch to an Agent or Editor” with thriller writers Kathleen Antrim and Jon Land.

It was my last hope, and fortunately, one vital piece of advice managed to penetrate into my jet-lagged brain.

We needed to show the agents what made us excited about writing this book in the first place.

The next afternoon when it finally came time to sit down opposite the agents, that’s what was first on my mind. Not once did I read the paragraph I’d memorized. I figured if I got them interested, they could read it off the one-sheet.

So the two most important bits I learned along the way are these:

1. A logline needs to show what’s unique about your book.
2. Your in-person pitch is all about enthusiasm not word choice. (Leave the word choice for the query letter or one-sheet.)

Oh, and get as much feedback as you can. The Cabernet is optional.

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Result?  Donna got requests!  (And that’s a whole other type of panic.)

For more on the AgentFest experience:

• Barbara Vey’s Publishers Weekly column: Speed Dating With Agents
• Cym Lowell’s review of AgentFest

For more on Pitch Sheets:

• The One-Minute Story: Crafting a Pitch Sheet for Your Book, Screenplay, or Other Tale (SDFW Part 5)
• Beyond the First Draft—The Pitch Sheet and One-Sheet
• Sample Pitch Sheet
• Web Series Pitch Sheet: ‘White Collar Brawler’
• How To Create And Author One-Sheet
• Pitches That Work
• VMSTV Pitch Sheet Form (notice: “people doing things”) 

To Order Tapes from ITW’s CraftFest:

Visit VWTapes, where you can order individual sessions or a complete set of workshops for 2011 and previous years.

Natalie Markey was a great sport in our Title Brainstorming series, where we took the existing title for her class, Writing Moms: How to do it all without losing your mind, and explored several methods of brainstorming titles the ZING.

Here’s what we learned…

10.  A lot of your ideas will suck, and you shouldn’t let that stop you.  Some of our best ideas came after epic suckiness.

9. It helps to brainstorm and riff with a friend.

8. Good titles work just fine.  Great titles are fun to say, capture your imagination, and spark ideas about “what’s inside” your product (book, class, what have you).  

7.  Great titles have personality.  They have attitude.  And they certainly don’t feel bland.

6.  Sometimes you recognize a good title when you see it.  But not always. So write them all down.

5.  Your brainstorming will tend to veer off track.  Just keep coming back to the purpose of the product, its intended audience, what your audience will “get out of it,” and your unique selling proposition.

4.  If you have “rules” about what a title should or shouldn’t be, you don’t have to obey them.  Breaking rules (like length) can lead to some nifty titles.

3.  Don’t become too attached, too fast. It’s probably just infatuation and not true love.

2. Don’t give up too fast.  Some times those little tweaks pay off.

1. Once you have some titles you think are great, talk to people and test them out.  What you’re looking for is the title that makes people lean forward and say, “Oh, I’d read that!”  or “Oh, that sounds like a great class!”

Then you know… your title isn’t just okay.  It freaking rocks!

Natalie’s Favorite Titles

Original Title for Natalie’s Class: Writing Moms: How to do it all without losing your mind.

• How to Survive the Collision of Writer Meets New Mommy (Without It Becoming the Next Zombie Apocalypse)
  
• Get a “Devil Wears Prada” Life Only with Burp Rags- Getting the Big City Writing Career you Want While Working from Your Baby's Nursery
  
• Writing Mommy Makeovers: Transform your life, desk and nursery into a successful writing mommy enterprise

Diane’s Favorite Titles

•  Desperate Writers: How to Juggle Your Writing Dream, Children, and the Mythical White Picket Fence.
  
• Writing Mommy Makeovers: Time Management Solutions For Real Writers (aka “How potty training influenced the way I write, and other ways the two most demanding jobs on the planet can actually work together.)
  
• Shakespeare Had it Easy:  Writing with Kids, a Day Job, and a Never-ending To Do List. 
  
• How to Plot Your Own Da Vinci Code While Chasing a Toddler: Time Management Secrets for Future Bestselling Authors.

And the Winner Is…

Debbie “alabamagirl1”

Debbie, you’ve won enrollment into Natalie’s Writing Moms class!  Just email us for details: PitchUniversity @ gmail.com. The class starts NOW.

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To read the entire series on brainstorming great titles, go here:

From Good Title to GREAT with Natalie C. Markey (Plus drawing on Writing Moms class!)

Part 2: From Good Title to GREAT with Natalie C. Markey (Plus drawing on Writing Moms class!)

Part 3: From Good Title to GREAT with Natalie C. Markey (Plus drawing on Writing Moms class!)

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Natalie C. Markey

• Blog: Pen to Publish- One writers journey through the art of writing
• The Mortal Instruments Examiner- Following topics on the Internationally bestselling series by Cassandra Clare
• Special Needs Dog Care Examiner- Tips and advice from an owner of a special needs dog
• Katy Magazine- Feature writer

Follow me on Twitter @NatalieCMarkey and @TMIexaminer

I’m Just No Good At Titles!

Creating a great title can seem like an impossible task.

An okay title is easy. But okay titles don’t zing, and they certainly don’t excite the reader or potential audience (or even you).

This week Natalie and I are exploring ways to take a title that works and turn it into a title that jumps up and kisses the reader.

We’re using her upcoming class, Writing Moms: How to Do It All Without Losing Your Mind!, as our “title that works,” and we’re exploring to see if we can create a zinger.

WIN A FREE WRITING CLASS.

Natalie (sweetheart that she is) will award FREE ENROLLMENT to one commenter (in this post or any in this series).  Thanks, Natalie!

Previously in this series:

• In From Good Title to GREAT with Natalie C. Markey (Plus drawing on Writing Moms class!), we riffed on familiar titles. (Ex: “What to Expect When You’re Writing”)
• In Part 2: From Good Title to GREAT with Natalie C. Markey (Plus drawing on Writing Moms class!) we looked at Archetypes, Myths, and Patterns (Warrior Writer Mom!) and Popular Culture for $300. (Ex: If Richard Castle Had to Breastfeed it would be a Different Show)

Today we will look at 4 jumping -ff points for brainstorming:

1. Feature the Problem (My Writing Dream Vs. My Two Year Old)

2. Feature the Solution (Be a Mom and Write a Novel in 3-Minute Chunks)

3. Comedy (How I wrote a bestseller, raised 5 kids, climbed Mt. Everest, and Solved World Peace in one Afternoon during nap time.)

4. “Makes Me Think Of…” ( Do it all makes me think of juggling.  So... Juggle It All: manuscript, baby, flaming bowling ball).

#1 Feature The Problem

Natalie:

• My Writing Dream vs. My Two Year Old
• Meeting Deadlines vs. Diaper Duty
• Outlining the Next Best Seller vs. Raising the next President
  (Natalie: I like this one because it speaks to the enormity of what is involved in both writing a manuscript and raising a child. Neither can be summed up in a quick title but this one is effective and powerful. My opinion of course :-)
• Managing my Writing Business vs. Managing my Home
  (Natalie: For a writing mom, there is so much more than just writing and raising your child and that doesn't include if you have another job. I touch on some of these other things in the class and how writers can tackle it all but I think we'll address better titles for that in #7.)

Diane’s Riff off Natalie’s Titles:

• My Great, Big, Fat Writing Dream Meets The Baby Who Shall Be Obeyed
  (Diane: This plays on My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and John Mortimer's Rumpole of the Bailey, which featured character Horace Rumpole who called his wife, " She Who Must Be Obeyed." )
• "My Desperate Writing Dream" Faces Off with "The Cutest Baby Ever" 
• Writing Deadlines vs. Baby's First Steps
  (Natalie: These are both good. I used diaper duty because I hate deadlines and I hate diaper duty, but then I also like the comparison of the deadlines (obviously a time sensitive thing) and the first steps. I see both as being GREAT titles. These are probably my favorite of this round.)
• When Bestseller Meets The Precious Bundle
• Chief Writing Officer vs. Chief, Cook, and Bottle Washer

#2 Feature the Solution

Natalie:

• Be a Mom and Write a Novel in 3-Minute Chunks
• Plotting that Bestseller During Sesame Street (Diane: I really like this.  It's really specific, and it will even work as a subtitle with Writing Moms, if you want.)
• Use Baby's Nap Time to Make Your Writing Dreams Reality (Natalie: This is probably my favorite. In the early days I so badly wanted to nap too but I found that once I started writing I was happy to be doing something just for ME and to be working on my dream. Soon it wasn't hard to write during her nap times at all.)
• Let your Kids Keep you Young. Creativity is Only Recess in our Minds (Natalie: This doesn't really fit but it just popped in my head and I loved it! And it is true! Especially now that I'm working on a middle grade, my daughter does help me stay silly and youthful when I'm tight and stressed.)
• How being a mom gives you the creative edge in publishing – (Natalie: A good title but has NOTHING to do with the class.)

Diane Riffs on Natalie’s Titles:

• How to be a Kickass Mom and Still Write Your Novel 3 Minutes at a Time
• Baby's Nap Time = Mommy's Novel Time!
• Let Your Kid Keep You Creative: Being a Mom and A Writer Can Be A Plus

#3 Comedy

Natalie:

• How I wrote a bestseller, raised a family, became a dive master, sheltered needy dogs, and solved the global energy question during Barney.
• How I wrote a non-fiction novel I didn't plan, maintained freelance contracts, plotted the next Twilight, and cared for an epileptic dog all while on bed rest with my pregnancy.
• How to plot the next bestseller and pluck cereal from your hair while driving the carpool.

Diane’s Riff on Natalie’s Titles:

• Lion Tamer, Novelist, Mommy (same skills)
• Everything I know about writing, I learned from my baby.  Or… everything I know about being a Mom, I learned from writing a novel.
• The Mother Novelist: how potty training influenced the way I write, and other ways the two most demanding jobs on the planet can actually work together.

#4 “Makes Me Think Of…”

Natalie:

• Welcome to the circus! Can you do it all? Writing, that diet you keep cheating on, a social life (what's that?), housework...
• Wonder Mom: Mommy by day, bestselling author by night
• Super Mom: Plotting the next bestseller, making it halfway to your writing goal and making meals/bottles all before baby wakes! 

Diane’s Riffs:

• Rules for Raising Your Novel.
• Novel Rearing: How my baby taught me to write
• Career Secrets That Writer Moms Know (that you don't)
• Moms Who Write: Writing Your Book With the Innocence of a Child and the Determination of a Mom
• Living The Writer's Dream: How Real Life Can Clobber Your Dream and How to Have It All
• Living the Writer's Life: What to do when everything else is #1 and the kids need to be fed

So, that’s it for today.  Some of the titles didn’t work.  Actually most aren’t zingers. 

The goal is to explore, see if you can find one that’s even better, and then keep going.  This is an exercise in thinking up titles that aren’t just more of the same, to jiggle something loose and enjoy the whole title-creation process.

Let us know which titles worked for you.  And remember, Natalie will be drawing a winner to attend her class for free!

The goal: Helping You, the Writer become You, the Publisher.

In fact, she was our inaugural guest here at Indie U.

Last  Chance!

Expiration: September 30, 2011

Her very special offer is about to expire. Ack!

FREE!!!  Creating a Business Plan for the Indie Writer

This FREE 20-Page E-Book, a gift from Suzan Harden to you, includes all  7 articles + added content & resources.  This is a GREAT places to start for all Indie Authors.

Coupon Code: EW59P

Also, you’ll want to catch up on her 7-part series here at Indie U/ Pitch U.

• You Mean Writing's a Business...?
• Day Two: Creating a Business Plan for Indie Writing
• Day Three: Creating a Business Plan for Indie Writing
• Day Four: Creating a Business Plan for Indie Writing
• Day Five: Creating a Business Plan for Indie Writing
• Day Six: Creating a Writing Business Plan
• Celebration Day: Creating a Writing Business Plan

by

Erin is a publishing and editorial consultant and writer’s life coach.  She hosts The Lit Coach’s Guide to The Writer’s Life, a popular resource blog featuring stories, tips and fresh perspective from bestselling, award-winning and notable authors, literary agents, editors, publishers and other industry insiders.

This 7th in Erin’s series on Book Proposals That Rock.

• The Long Pitch: Your Platform as Credibility, Character, and Expertise (for fiction writers, too)
• 6 Classy Tips For Your Book’s Market Analysis
• The Market – Know Your Audience to Hook Your Agent
• Your Book Proposal: Give Them What They Want and Make Them Beg For More!
• 3 Guidelines for Creating a Title with Shelf Appeal
• Erin Reel: Getting Hooked by The Book’s Concept

The Deciding Factor

While every section of the book proposal is essentially important, the Book Promotion section of your nonfiction book proposal might very well be the deciding factor in an agent or publisher’s decision to bring you aboard.

This is the place in the proposal where you ask not what your publisher can do for you, but ask what you can do for your publisher.

The days where publishers sent their authors on fabulous multi-city book tours with hotel accommodations are few and far between.

And even their in-house PR attempts for your book will most likely be cut like a suit from the 60’s – short and slim. Here’s the reality of book promotion today – plan on tackling most of your book’s PR efforts yourself.

Get Your Creative, Entrepreneurial Spirit On!

The great news is, there is so much opportunity to promote your book beyond book tours and prime real estate in book stores – a creative, entrepreneurial spirit is your best asset.

The book promotion section is where you will show the agent and publisher just how passionate you are about taking advantage of all that opportunity by leveraging your platform and other avenues. This is your opportunity to show the industry how determined you are to make your book a success.

Numbers speak to agents and publishers, so that’s what the bulk of this section will contain while keeping a narrative voice.

THE KEY:  What’s important here is to show HOW you will promote your book to these numbers. Statistics and figures are just cold numbers on a page without your plan on how to use them.

Just remember, this is your good faith agreement with the publisher. Anything you say you’re going to do to promote your book, they will count on and most likely write in to your publishing contract.

Let’s break it down.

Your Following

If you’re a known expert, advocate, specialist, etc., chances are you have a strong following. How do you regularly communicate your message to those who subscribe to your brand?

• Newsletter?
• Blog?
• Newspaper or magazine column (in print or online)?
• TV/Radio/Internet show?

Two Key Questions:

1. What are the numbers behind those outlets?
2. How many people get your message across those platforms?

Two Key Steps:

1. In the Book Promotion section…you will give approximate numbers reflecting each audience. All these various audiences equal potential buyers for your book!
2. Then, you will show HOW you plan to approach these audiences with your book promotion.

Professional Memberships

What about the professional associations and clubs you’re a member of?

• Is there an opportunity for you to speak in front of those groups or be included in their print and online platforms?
• Can you confirm that once your book is published they will be on board in helping you promote it?

List them and their numbers – how many members there are, how many members visit their website (and even non-members, if applicable), subscribe to their newsletter or other print and online marketing?

Two Key Questions:

1. What’s their reach?
2. HOW will you address these markets?

The Social Media

• If you have a professional presence on all the various social media outlets and use them frequently to direct your followers to your content, list what they are and how many followers you have.
• If you blog, how many people visit your blog each month? Subscribers? List them.
• Now, HOW will you use this platform to promote your book?

Buying In Bulk?

Will you plan on buying large quantities of your book to give away or sell? Communicate these details:

• How many do you plan on buying during the first print run?
• What will be their intended use?

Just remember, a publisher can and will hold you to your word – it will most likely be negotiated in the contract, so be prepared to honor that handshake (publishers are within their rights to pull a contract from an author if the author does not fulfill their end of the deal).

The Big Question: Is there a large corporation that intends on buying large quantities of the book? Likewise, include this pertinent information.

Book Signings

Finally, of course, are the author signings. While you don’t need to have your own detailed plan for a book tour or event schedule, at least express in this section that you will be open and flexible to book signings and other author events as indicated by the publisher or by your own means.

If you do have opportunities for signings and events already committed, feel free to list them. How many books will you need for these events?

A Final Word About Costs

What’s key to consider as you’re creating this section of the book proposal is that all this self-promotion costs you time and certainly money.

Understand on the front end just how much time and money you’re budgeting and consider that amount when you eventually negotiate your advance with your agent or publisher – your resources are worth the negotiation, especially when self and e publishing have become such viable choices for nonfiction authors in the past several years.

---

Erin Reel, The Lit Coach, is a platform, publishing and editorial consultant, columnist and blog host of The Lit Coach’s Guide to The Writer’s Life.

Today, we’re going to look at two additional techniques for exploring titles that ZING!

• Archetypes, Myths, and Patterns and story types. (Ex: Warrior Writer Mom)
• Popular Culture for $300. (If Richard Castle Had to Breastfeed it would be a Different Show)

In Part 1 of our series on taking a perfectly good title and and giving it zing, Natalie brainstormed NEW(!) and IMPROVED(!) titles for her upcoming class, Writing Moms: How to do it all without losing your mind.

About Writing Moms: For many writers, juggling is reality. In fact, many full-time writers are made because of a child being born. Some amazing mothers write late at night, around their day job.

However you do it, being a writing mom is a challenge but very doable and rewarding.

Learn easy self study tactics, time management tips and suggestions from a ten-year freelance journalist, published author and speaker who also has a one-year-old daughter and a high maintenance dog. You can have it all without losing your mind.

Go sign up for this class.  It’s only $20.00.  Natalie’s a sweetheart, and you’ll come up with a personalized plan.  Good job.

BONUS: Natalie will award FREE ENROLLMENT to one commenter (in this post or any in this series). Thanks, Natalie!

Archetypes, Myths, and Patterns and story types. (Ex: Warrior Writer Mom)

Let’s start by looking at how other authors have used archetypes to inspire their titles.  Here are some more examples:

• Cinder Edna by Ellen Jackson
• Knight and Day (Single-Disc Edition) Starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz
• Beauty and the Werewolf (Five Hundred Kingdoms) by Mercedes Lackey

Diane’s How-It-Works Example (working with the Mother Archetype): "Writer Moms: Kiss your Writing Time and Make it Better." 

Natalie Tries It Out:

• What if Xena was a single mom juggling her “saving the world” career? How did she make that work?
• What if Queen Elizabeth did have a child while running England?

Natalie: The point I'm trying to make with these is that everyone can have circumstances that can weigh them down. It's how you handle and approach the obstacle that brings you out on top and helps you accomplish your dream.

And I love "What if" titles.  I've always found them thought provoking.

Diane: Okay, let's take these titles one step further! Let's brainstorm variations featuring writers for a more direct tie-in.  You'll notice we're taking a left turn here and leaving our original "archetype" category behind.  Left turns can lead to genius, so it's okay.

• Shakespeare Had it Easy:  Writing with Kids
• How to be Jane Austen with Children, a Husband, a Messy House, and Serious Writing Deadline

Natalie:  Great!

• How to Plot like Dan Brown “Da Vinci Code” Style While Balancing those Gerber Items on your Grocery List ( I personally love this one)
• How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse (while writing that bestselling novel and making bottles Good Morning America ends)- Are you tired yet?

Popular Culture for $300. (Ex: If Richard Castle Had to Breastfeed it would be a Different Show)

Again, let’s start with how other authors were inspired to use this technique in their titles.

• The World According to Twitter  by David Pogue (This combines a reference to a great title with pop culture)
• Latte Trouble (Coffeehouse Mysteries, No. 3) by Cleo Coyle (Aug 2, 2005)
• The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead by Roger Ma
• The 2012 Black Hole Killer by Arthur T. White (Feb 17, 2011) (The Aztec calendar ending plus science coolness of the black hole)
• Shaken and Stirred (Kizzie Baldwin Erotic Thriller) by Sable Jordan

Diane’s How-It-Works Example: XENA Warrior Princess Writer And Her Baby And her Complicated Life. (Kinda silly, I know!)

Natalie, Trying It Out:

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer also starred on 16 and Pregnant ( I thought that was funny, BUT not best for my class but fun)
• The Baby Games (the play on the Hunger Games title, popular now in pop culture. Sometimes being a writing mom can feel like you're thrown into an arena, battling to the death against everything you must do!)
• C.S.I.- Creative. Solution. Implementation.- You don't have to take off your sunglasses (hehe!) to find a new, productive ways to accomplish your writing goals. Take some time to study yourself. This really hits home with the goal of the workshop while playing on some pop culture.
• Glee- Slurping (Slushy-ing) your way to the NY Times Best Seller list in between those bottle feedings. Another great summary of a writing moms life and speaks to the class’ message of making the most of your non-baby duty times.
• Writing like the stars- look at these other celebrity moms, you can do it too! Inspiration never fails!

Diane: Same here.  Let’s explore linking more directly to writing references (your audience) and see what happens.

• Get a Devil Wears Prada Life Only with Burp Rags- Getting the Big City Writing Career you Want While Working from Your Baby's Nursery 
• Desperate House Writers- How to do it all without hanging out that dirty laundry.
• Writing Mommy Makeovers: Transform your life, desk and nursery into a successful writing mommy enterprise. (I love this one)
• Author Idol: Find your writing dream while being the mom you want to be

What If You Get Stuck?

Let's look at some variations, because continuing to play and tinker is much better than being stuck. :)

- How to Plot like Dan Brown Davinci Code Style While Balancing those Gerber Items on your Grocery List 

Now, try playing with each element to see if there's anything you like even more.  For example...

• How to write your Da Vinci Code while burping a baby.
• How to be the next Dan Brown and still be Mother of the year.
• How to Plot Your Own Da Vinci Code While Chasing a Toddler. (I like this because I do talk about plotting/outlining during baby time, yep, I've done both)
• How to channel both Da Vinci Code and Geber without losing your mind.

- How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse while writing that bestselling novel and making bottles Good Morning America ends- Are you tired yet?

Now, try playing with each element to see if there's anything you like even more.  For example...

• How to survive the collision of writer meets new Mommy without it becoming the next Zombie Apocalypse, (Very true to course. You may come from a business background like I did BUT this is a whole new ballgame and gives a whole new meaning to time management.)
• Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse Is Easy; Why Writing and Motherhood Requires a True Hero

- Get a Devil Wears Prada Life Only with Burp Rags- Getting the Big City Writing Career you Want While Working from Your Baby's Nursery   (Love this subtitle, by the way)

Again, just playing with elements:

• Bestselling Author Action Figure (Burp rag accessory optional) - could also replace with other baby accessories
• The Devil May Wear Prada, but Real Authors come with burp rags, laundry, and <need something clever here!>.

- Desperate House Writers- How to do it all without hanging out that dirty laundry.

Playing with the subtitles: 

• how to do it all without drama.
• Career, Baby, and the White Picket Fence

- Writing Mommy Makeovers: Transform your life, desk and nursery into a successful writing mommy enterprise.

(Natalie: I love this one) Diane: **THIS IS EXCELLENT!!!** Natalie: This is my favorite too! :-)

-Author Idol: Find your writing dream while being the mom you want to be

• Author Survivor: Suburbia
• Project Reality Writer

Additional Title from Natalie:

• How to write the next Twilight while prepping for a PTA meeting. (I like adding a YA element since that is so hot right now and all kids are challenging. This doesn't just have to be about babies.)

Which Titles Do You Love?  Which Do You Hate?

We’ve come up with some really bad titles, and some really good ones.  Give us your opinion in the comments!

Meet Claude Nougat!

I currently live in Italy after roaming the world since the tender age of 16 months. Married for over 30 years to a wonderful Sicilian. Armed with an economics degree from Columbia University, I worked at all sorts of things (like Jack London!): in

• banking (analyst, First National City Bank, New York),
• publishing (editor, Harper & Row in Chicago),
• college teaching (American University),
• marketing (Coca-Cola),
• development work (United Nations Food and Agricultural Organization, where I finished as Director for Europe and Central Asia).

With the freedom that comes with retirement, I focus on what I love: writing, painting and (occasionally) cooking!

On the painting front, I participated in 15 group shows and had two personals. On the writing front, an Italian small press, E.Romeo Editore, published one of my novels, Un Amore Dimenticato, in 2007 to good local reviews. I am currently pursuing e-book publication of the Fear of the Past Trilogy.

So tell us a little bit about your writing passion: How long have you been writing and what do you write?

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember: I used to put together a “newspaper” for my parents when I was a child, complete with travel advice and short stories! I grew up in many places (Sweden, Egypt, Belgium, Russia, France, Colombia, the US) and that gave me an unquenchable thirst for knowing the world, surely the reason why my blog is so eclectic.

My non-fiction writing is based on my MA degree in economics and my varied work experience both in the US and Europe specialized on rural development and fighting hunger.

Meanwhile, I continued with fiction and wrote two books in Italian, a historical fantasy for adults and a children’s book, both traditionally published here in Italy where I live; now I’m working on making that historical fantasy available as an ebook, rewriting it in English under the title Fear of the Past, as a trilogy for Young Adults: book 1, Forget the Past, is already available on Amazon and other platforms and book 2, Reclaim the Present, is coming out this month – but I’m still looking for an agent for my women’s fiction! I never give up!

What’s your favorite part of what we do?  

I found your site full of precious advice about pitching, because, yes, I feel awful about pitching!

Even though I’ve been in this game for years now, I still have a lot to learn. I think it was Tolstoy who said, when asked to provide a summary of Anna Karenina, that he needed all the pages in his novel to express his Anna.

Pity I’m not Tolstoy who didn’t need to pitch! The trouble is: selling your book calls on a different part of your brain than writing it. You have to reduce 300 pages into two sentences. Ghastly!

PitchU is truly international! We love it. Thanks for being a part of what makes us great.

Have you participated in Pitch U’s PitchFests? Who would be your dream agent to pitch to?

I haven’t yet been able to participate in a PitchFest. I would love to, it would certainly help me hone my pitching ability!

My dream agent? Finding a partner and a friend!

A savvy partner for the business part and a friend who loves my work, believes in it (because I certainly need the support), yet is still able to provide me with constructive criticism. I welcome real critiques. I firmly believe that anything can be improved (including my English! French is my mother tongue and on occasion I stumble into “Frenchified” English).

I’m testing the e-book road with my Fear Trilogy but don’t get me wrong: I’m still looking for an agent for my women’s fiction!

Do you think pitching is a different skill from writing a query letter? Have you made a pitch video?

I think pitching uses the same skill as querying, the difference is that one is vocal (one line you throw at a person, the famous “elevator pitch”) while the other is written much like a normal business letter. And no, I haven’t made a pitch video. I know I should but I’m terrified of being filmed: I look awful on my photographs, and I can’t imagine how horrible I would look in a video. Scary!

Pitch University can help you overcome those fears! Be sure to connect with our minions or evil expert Diane Holmes for advice on how to construct the perfect video pitch. Also, check out examples in PitchU Articles.

How many conferences or writer’s events will you attend this year?

Living in Italy, I tend to look for events in Europe: travelling to the United States is something I would love, but it’s expensive! I’m attending the Women’s Fiction Festival in Matera, Italy (29 September-2 October 2011) and I’m looking into several interesting possibilities coming up in the UK next Spring.

If you had a personal pitching motto, what would it be?

You’ll never get it right if you don’t keep trying!

To find out more about Claude, visit her blog to get an independent writer’s views on books, art and politics (and cooking!): http://claudenougat.blogspot.com or check out the Claude Nougat Daily: for a unique selection of articles, videos and photographs drawn by the Paper.li computers from my Twitter stream. What makes it intriguing is the wide range of sources: from the New York Times to the Wall Street Journal, the Guardian, New Yorker, Bloomberg, CNN, Reuters etc., plus selected blogs. And of course, follow her on Twitter: @claudenougat!

---

by Heather Webb

Heather is a historical fiction writer, but dabbles occasionally in YA. When she’s not writing by the glow of her coffee pot light, she’s chasing her gremlins, ogling kitchen gadgets, sampling wine, or on an airplane to her next destination. Her “real” job is the Executive Director of New England Virtual High School, an online school for teens.

After discovering Pitch U, Heather became hooked to its invaluable columns and wonderfully supportive staff.  When asked to become part of the team, she was thrilled! This is THE PLACE to be. You can also find her on the web at herBLOG for writing tips, recipes, and pop culture rants or follow her on Twitter.

Sometimes a Title Just Wants to Zing

This is first in a series on amping up your titles and taglines. 

So many writers go off into left-field with fancy/ obscure/generic / cryptic titles that have great meaning personally, but don’t translate well with their audience.

Diane’s Motto:  Titles (and taglines) are gifts to your audience.  You create them so the audience will be delighted that you thought of them and wrote this fabulous book (or class, or whatever).  Titles are the shortcut to “Wow!  I want that.”

If you’ve been following Pitch U for a while, you’ve probably run across my advice that a plain pitch that is accurate is FAR better than an over-written, “hooky” pitch that actually doesn’t match your book.

So, plain is good.  Plain lets your book stand on its real merits.  Plain says that you trust your story to be interesting enough to capture reader attention without gluing rhinestones all over it. 

Titles, same thing, okay?  Good.

But we all know there are titles and pitches and marketing whatnots that ZING.  These titles are head and shoulders above the rest.  They’re accurate and Fan-freaking-tabulous.

When you hear them, you stop and WANT that product.  Or at least, you want to know more.

So, how do you do that?

Let’s explore several ways to take a good title and make it ZING.

Meet Our Lovely and Talented Guinea Pig

Welcome back Natalie Markey, Pitch U Alumni and instructor of a new, online writing class for all you Mom’s out there who are having to juggle it all.  (Starts October, 2011, $20.00)

You’ll remember Natalie from the Case Study I wrote with her, plus her post Finding Luck in Unforeseen Pitches (and Dogs), which talk about pitching her book to Bob Mayer… accidentally.

Yup, she sold that book, Caring For Your Special Needs Dog, to Bob’s publishing company, Who Dares Wins Publishing.

Natalie (sweetheart that she is) will award FREE ENROLLMENT to one commenter (in this post or any in this series).  Thanks, Natalie!

Getting to ZING

So, how do you find a title, phrase, and shorthand that kicks ass, grabs immediate attention, and make the whole thing sing?  What we're looking for is a ZINGER.  That magical thing that sells people without any explanation.  Or at the very least captures you attention so fully you have to find out more.

So, let's look at the title of Natalie’s class.

Writing Moms: How to do it all without losing your mind.

It is accurate and does a good job of saying what the course is about. 

But it's not a 100% zing title.  So, let's look at some seriously cool ways to experiment with possible zingers.

Play On Familiar Titles (Ex: What to Expect When You're Writing)

There are a number of examples of great titles springing to life by taking on the pattern or reference to a bestseller. 

For example:

• The Tao of Pooh
• The Tao of Dating
• The Tao of Twitter
• The Tao of Physics
• The Tao of Leadership

I’ve asked Natalie to play around with this concept, and here’s what she came up with….

Natalie’s Lists.

From books:
What to Expect When You're Writing
The Baby Code (The Davinci Code)
In Baby's Time (In My Time by Dick Cheney)
The Diary of a Writing Mom
The Writing Games
Game of Highchairs (Game of Thrones)

From the movies:
The Devil Wears Burp Rags
Inglorious Babies
Million Drafts Baby
Butch Cassidy and the Writer's Kid
How to Train Your Baby
While You Were Writing
Mother's of the Manuscript: The Curse of the Non-Napping Baby
Children of the Word

Advertising slogans:
Baby- She's everywhere you don't want her to be (based off VISA)
Nothing runs like a baby (Deere)

Songs:
Can't Buy Me Time (Can't Buy Me Love)
Don't Spit up on my Novel (Don't Rain on My Parade)
Luck be A Baby (Luck be A Lady)
Baby Story (Love Story)
Help! (Help! -This one probably doesn't need to be rewritten, the Beatles knew what they were doing!)
Carter's Girl (Material Girl)

Time to Evaluate Your Lists

• How well do these titles communicate your message to your audience?
• How well do they showcase what is being offered (in this case it’s a problem and solution)?
• How well do you get across your tone, genre, style, and voice?
• What do you think really zings?  Hey, zinging is a gut thing.  Ask your gut some questions.

Natalie’s response: Of all of these I love 'Diary of a Writing Mom' best from the 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' idea.

First of all, I have not read those books but I believe most people have heard of them because of their popularity. But the word diary really does convey what this course is about accurately. It is a self-study. This is a month long journey to finding what works best for you as a writing mom.

This would be a great promotional zinger and communicates the message well.  The other titles were fun and funny but didn't always promote the right message though I still love Game of Highchairs! 'When Writer Met Baby is also good because in that movie their lives changed just as a writer's life changes when a baby comes, just in a much different way.

Excellent!

But we’re not done.  This was just one exercise in finding alternative titles to consider.  So, next up, Natalie will be exploring the next two techniques:

• Archetypes, Myths, and Patterns and story types. (Warrior Writer Mom)
• Popular Culture for $300. (If Richard Castle Had to Breastfeed it would be a Different Show)

ADD YOUR COMMENTS to be eligible for Natalie’s drawing!

--

Natalie C. Markey

• Blog: Pen to Publish- One writers journey through the art of writing
• The Mortal Instruments Examiner- Following topics on the Internationally bestselling series by Cassandra Clare
• Special Needs Dog Care Examiner- Tips and advice from an owner of a special needs dog
• Katy Magazine- Feature writer

Follow me on Twitter @NatalieCMarkey and @TMIexaminer

As you know, our goal at Pitch U is education and becoming awesome as a career writer.

As part of that mission to educate, we posted contract reviews that generated a controversy.  Those reviews have now been removed at the guest columnist's request. 

Ever since Pitch U was a twinkle in the Internet's eye, we've strived to bring in experts to give their opinions and thoughts on topics of pitching, creativity,  and career. 

We can all benefit from this. Plus we've offered this for free.  Every single expert donates his or her time and we thank them for this.

The contract columns looked at contracts and publishers from an attorney’s pov, and we have an opportunity to also look at this from the publisher’s perspective.

Liz Pelletier, Publisher of Entangled, has offered to join us at Pitch U for a lively educational interview and to update everyone on Entangled’s approach to working with authors.  She also came up with the truly educational idea of doing a mock contract negotiation as a real-world learning exercise.

Check back in to find out when the interview will happen.

While I hadn’t actually met her until this week, I know of Liz from my interactions over at Savvy Authors, and I can absolutely say you’re going to enjoy anything we do together.

If every Publisher were this willing to educate, discuss, welcome, and embrace us writers, the writing world would be a much better place.

Hugs,

Diane, Chief Pitch U Alchemist

by PitchU Minion Tina Moss, our fearless Comments Samurai

Each month we will be reading your comments to find the most useful, insightful, heartfelt or inspirational responses to Pitch University articles. The top poster will be featured here along with honorable mentions.

The August Best Comment Award goes to...

 Pamela for her response:

“Thanks, Diane et al.  I have watched with great interest over the last year as the balance between e-book and print book has shifted faster than most experts predicted. 

A leveling of the playing field is occurring, whether it is temporary or permanent remains to be seen, but talented authors I know who couldn't get their books in print are doing quite well putting their books up for sale digitally, especially those authors with multiple titles to sell. 

Not getting rich, but then most print book authors haven't been buying Caribbean vacation homes either!  Thanks again for the post and good advice.”

- August 23, 2011

Additional wonderful comments for the month of August come from our Honorable Mentions:

From Angelica R. Jackson in response to Day Two: Creating a Business Plan for Indie Writing.

“When our insurance was up for renewal a few months ago, I got a call from our agent that writers are no longer covered under the home-based business umbrella. My freelance photography, yes, but not the writing. I would need to get a separate rider for that. Apparently, too many writers getting sued. Haven't done it yet since I don't have a book lined up for publication.”

- August 8, 2011

The need for writers to protect themselves is at the heart of Angelica’s comment. Thanks for pointing out the insurance issue.

From Lynne Kelly Hoenig in response to Despicable Tara

“I love Save the Cat by Blake Snyder (website) too! I'm not sure why I hadn't heard of it till recently, but I bought it a few months ago after I heard three people rave about it in one weekend.

Some people like to keep that one-line pitch on their writing desk to keep them focused on what the story is really about.”

- August 5, 2011

Love the idea of keeping the one-line pitch in your writing space so that the story stays focused. Whether this is in the first draft or during revisions, it is a helpful suggestion.

Thanks!

Tina

From Diane, Founder of Pitch U:  This profound essay appeared a few weeks ago at one of my favorite sites: Boxing The Octopus. I’m re-posting it here with the author’s permission.

This post is both a call to action and an echo from the far distant universe about what it means to live and write, and live some more.

If you’re been writing for a while, this post will likely "sing the song” that lives in your own DNA as well as Joni’s.  I know it does mine.  I’m terribly grateful she wrote this, because it’s a doorway welcoming me home when I get lost in the struggle and can no longer remember why I write.  Thanks, Joni.

A Publishing Saga as Illustrated by My Hair

by Joni Rodgers

This is me at the time of my first professional writing gig. In 1976, I was an 8th grade misfit at an academically boffo but ideologically stifling Evangelical school.

Girls in my class consumed True Confessions Magazine every month. (Who loves porn more than Puritans, right?) Reading the stories typically titled "My Father Sold Me" or "A Sophomore's Secret" or some such, I thought, "Heck, I can do that." Because I knew virtually nothing about sex beyond the vague "pulsing" and "engorging" alluded to in True Confessions and the "manroot" physiology of my book-a-day Gothic romance novel habit, my erotic tragedies relied heavily on witty dialogue and lush descriptions of locations, current pop music and fast food.

For $1/page, I wrote customized stories starring a classmate and her made-to-order crush. In cases where the crush was a real boy who failed to live up to expectations, a brief epilogue featuring his untimely death could be had for a quarter.

Word spread, and I expanded my business to a local roller skating rink, passing off the folded pages in the privacy of the grimy girls' bathroom like a drug dealer. On the first day of 9th grade, I was ironing my hair on the ironing board and branded a broad stripe down the front of my nose. This pretty much set the tone for my high school years.

Here's me at the time I started writing my first novel, originally titled MacPeter's Midlife Crisis. I'd given up ironing my hair, and apparently, it was particularly humid the day this photo was taken.

In 1981, I was a late night DJ at a rock station in Helena, Montana, crazy in love with a brilliant but damaged Vietnam vet, and supplementing my income busing at bars and tourist attractions.

The novel started as a script I intended to enter in a playwright competition. During my super-useful college career as a theatre major, part of my Stanislavsky acting training included writing character studies, and mine usually ran about 12 times the recommended length, spinning out elaborate backstory and imagining offstage scenes.

I was still reading a book a day, but had moved on to Tom Robbins, Irving Stone, Eudora Welty and all things Bronte. I worshiped authors, and it never occurred to me that I could have a book published. I was writing this story purely for the love of laying words in a row, and needless to say, it was about a late night DJ and the brilliant, damaged Vietnam vet with whom she was crazy in love.

Here's me when I started writing my second novel, Sugarland. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in 1994, shortly after my husband and I moved to Houston with our two small children.

After years of dabbling, I'd finished my first novel, now titled Last Chance Gulch, queried it to six dozen agents and publishers and collected six dozen rejections. I had zero hope of ever being published, but in the crucible of chemo, I suddenly understood why I was writing: because I'm a writer. So I wrote.

Here's me when I got my first book contract in 1996. Gary started shaving his head to be in solidarity with me during chemo. And no we're not on the same cricket team; the sweats were 3/$10 at Walgreen's, and we were flat broke. And that's not a wig; my hair came back jet black and kinky a la Shaft.

The amazing Fred Ramey (now at Unbridled Books) pulled my first novel from the slush pile, masterfully edited it from a 124K word swampland to a lean, mean 93K word fiction machine, and literally saved my life. Fred gets the credit for the most fitting book title of my career: Crazy For Trying. The advance was $4,000.

We promptly took the kids to Disney World. While Crazy For Trying was in the pipeline, I lost my remission and turned to adjunct therapies to supplement the chemo. Above my desk was posted Isaac Asimov's famous two-word answer to being asked what he would do if he knew he had one year to live: "Type faster!"

Here's me in Good Housekeeping Magazine in 2001, when they featured a Book Bonus excerpt from my memoir Bald in the Land of Big Hair, which got my name on the bestseller lists for the first time.

My second batch of re-grown hair was straight and mostly gray, so I was a different shade of red almost every month. I was also exploring my new publishing career, which was wide open, because I'd stumbled into it with no preconceptions, expectations or plans. And nothing to fall back on.

Marjorie Braman, my fabulous editor at HarperCollins, encouraged me to write a syndicated newspaper column while I got busy on another novel. That led to an advice column for a national magazine.

In 2004, I was invited to do my first collaboration at Simon & Schuster, which led to a collaboration at Random House, which led to a whole lot of other stuff, but I did eventually finish my third novel, The Secret Sisters, which was pubbed by HarperCollins in 2006. Ghostwriting was something I'd never really thought about until I started doing it, but these great stories came along, and I'm a writer, so I wrote them.

And here's me today. I've done more than a dozen books, several of them NYT bestsellers, and worked with fantastic editors at five of the Big 6. I've learned that publishing, like personal style, is a process of constant reinvention, adaptation and a whole lotta get over yourself.

The decision to indie pub my backlist ebooks and forthcoming fiction has opened a thrilling new chapter. I'm not leaving traditional publishing behind. I plan to work hand in hand with my agent and transition my indie pubbed ebooks to print deals with standing houses.

But I've grown up a lot. I've been to the puppet show and seen the strings, as they say. I began my writing career delivering stories directly into the hands of readers, so indie publishing feels like coming full circle. On roller skates.

I've given up trying to color my hair dark. The few strands that aren't white are bleached blonde to blend in. The only thing that hasn't changed is that daily longing to find the right words, the compulsion to set them down on paper. And so I write.

---

Joni Rodgers, brilliant person and amazing storyteller, has released her first Independently Published novel, The Hurricane Lover.  You can read an excerpt here.

You’ll be seeing more of Joni here at Pitch U, and we just can’t wait!

Our Member Spotlight this week features J. Keller Ford.

Jenny is a young adult writer and content editor, in addition to the chapter director of the International Association of Aspiring Authors Largo/Seminole, Florida group.

She specializes in young adult/new adult novels, novellas and short stories and has recently completed IN THE SHADOW OF THE DRAGON KING, the first novel in her Fallhollow series.

Tell us a little bit about your writing passion.

I have been writing ever since I could hold a crayon, it seems. I write anything that comes to mind in any genre, however, my primary writing stems around Young Adult fantasy. I try to push the envelope every now and then and write something out of my comfort zone.

My most recent genre victim is Cyberpunk. It wasn’t pretty, but I tried, and to me, that’s important. We must always keep trying to reinvent ourselves and our writing.

How do you participate in the industry?

In addition to writing, I manage my own blogsite, the Dreamweaver’s Cottage, and I’m a member of several online critique groups. I am also a chapter director of the International Association of Aspiring Authors, and I follow and participate in many writers’ and agents’ websites. I’ve also been known to edit a novel or two for other writers.

How did you discover Pitch University?

I found out about Pitch University on Twitter. The plug sounded so interesting, I had to jump on over and take a look. I was amazed at what I found. There are so many articles from so many authorities on writing that my head did a 360.

What’s your favorite part of what we do?  

My favorite part of Pitch University is the forums and all the helpful advice from all its members. It is a rare sight to watch a piece of coal turn into a shiny little diamond, and that’s exactly what happens when a member posts their raw, unedited versions of queries, pitches and synopses. Some of the transformations have been nothing short of spectacular. I’ve met some amazing authors and made a few friends at Pitch University, and I hope to continue the trend.

We love that you’re making friends and connections at PitchU! That’s a big part of what it means to belong to our community of writers.

To join our FREE query/pitch forum click HERE.

Tell us the truth…. How do you feel about pitching? What obstacles did you have to overcome?

I have to say I stink at pitching.

I get so nervous when it comes to talking about myself and my work. I was always taught to not brag about myself and let my work speak for itself. Writing is a whole different beast.

We HAVE to pitch ourselves and our works because if we don’t believe in it, no one else will. It is definitely a learning process and one that gets easier the more you do it.

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned by participating in Pitch U’s PitchFests?

An author must learn to make every word, every emotion count. We have to learn to move from ‘tell’ mode to ‘show’ mode, and do it in as few words as possible. For longwinded folks like myself, it is a valuable lesson to learn.

I have had great success after perfecting my query. I’ve received requests for partials and full manuscripts and my novel is currently being considered by a publisher as we speak.

I owe it all to the help and advice I received at Pitch University.

That’s fantastic, Jenny. Please keep us posted on your success. We love to collect success stories at PitchU.

Do you think pitching is a different skill from writing a query letter?

Pitching in person is way different than writing a query letter. Pitching is verbal. It requires nerves of steel, determination, and controlled enthusiasm. It also requires the author to be concise and to-the-point, as well as knowing when to stop talking.

Have you made a pitch video?

I haven’t made a pitch video yet. I’m very shy when it comes to cameras. We aren’t the best of friends. I’m working through it. *smile*. My biggest fear in making a video is the same I have when I write: will it be good enough? I’m a perfectionist. In my mind, it will never be good enough. At some point, though, I’ll have to learn to just ‘go for it’.

What’s your motto?

Never, ever give up. I don’t care if it takes me years, even a lifetime, to accomplish my goal, never, ever give up. The accomplishment in reaching the goal is in many ways worth more than the fame and/or glory that may come afterwards.

And your personal pitching motto, what would it be?

Think of pitching your novel as speed-dating an agent or publisher. You only have a split second in time to make a lasting impression. Keep it short, keep it sweet, keep it interesting and most of all - be yourself.

Love the analogy, Jenny! Thank you for sharing your writing journey with us at Pitch University.

---

by Heather Webb

Heather is a historical fiction writer, but dabbles occasionally in YA. When she’s not writing by the glow of her coffee pot light, she’s chasing her gremlins, ogling kitchen gadgets, sampling wine, or on an airplane to her next destination. Her “real” job is the Executive Director of New England Virtual High School, an online school for teens.

After discovering Pitch U, Heather became hooked to its invaluable columns and wonderfully supportive staff.  When asked to become part of the team, she was thrilled! This is THE PLACE to be. You can also find her on the web at her BLOG for writing tips, recipes, and pop culture rants or follow her on Twitter.

Q: What happens when 3 of the best writing instructors in the GALAXY get together? 

A: The Story Masters 4-day workshop!  (It’s November 3 – 6, 2011.  See you there!)

We’ve heard from Literary Agent Donald Maass and plot expert James Scott Bell.

Today is all about Christopher Vogler (blog), the man who took Joseph Campbell’s Hero With a Thousand Faces and gave writers access to its power in The Writer’s Journey, now in its 3rd edition.

Diane’s Story:  Back in the mid-80’s, before there was even a 1st edition of Chris’ book, there was a much-photocopied, faded, sideways and stapled “paper” by some guy named Vogler. 

Writers passed it to each other, person-to-person, one bad copy after another, because that’s how profound his initial work on the Writer’s Journey was to us.

I have this paper.  I was one of the people who passed it along. 

It changed my writing and the way I think.  And it helped me understand, finally, why the power of story seemed more important than anything else in the whole world when I was growing up.  Still does.

Because of Chris Vogler, when people ask what I do, I tell them, “I am a Maker of Myth.”   I’m proud to write popular fiction and I love accessing hundreds and thousands of years of storytelling.

I’m on the Writer’s Journey. 

First: A Brief Look at How Chris Keeps Himself Busy

Christopher Vogler, founder of StoryTech consulting, has worked in Hollywood story departments as a story consultant since the 1980s and is recognized the world over for his ground-breaking work on the timeless mythic patterns still providing structure for modern novels and screenplays.

His first book, The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers, now in its 3^rd edition, has been translated into a dozen languages and has influenced generations of filmmakers and storytellers in all media, from plays and novels to Broadway shows, TV commercials, political campaigns, and computer game scenarios.

His latest book, Memo from the Story Department: Secrets of Structure and Character, co-written with Columbia University film professor David McKenna, continues his efforts to excavate useful information from the storytellers and thinkers of the past.

He also brings to the table a wealth of practical knowledge from decades in the rigorous school of Hollywood studio story departments. DreamWorks, the Disney studios, and top talents like Will Smith and Darren Aronofsky seek out his counsel on their projects and he enjoys sharing his experience with all screenwriters and novelists.

“Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey is the Bible for screenwriters. I think it’s the best book on how to write a screenplay ever written.”
Darren Aronofsky (director of THE WRESTLER, Oscar-nominated director of BLACK SWAN) 

About Memo from the Story Department: “Just read this and it’s already saved my ass. No sh-t, I needed a pitch for a rewrite and this book helped me crack it.”
Scott Silver (screenwriter of 8 Mile and Oscar-0nominated for THE FIGHTER)

Diane: This is the debut of Story Masters. How did it come about?

Chris: I’ve known and admired Donald Maass for years as we crossed paths at writing conferences across the country.

Turns out we have a mutual friend, New York-based story consultant David McKenna, with whom I co-authored my latest book, Memo from the Story Department. Don and David played poker together for years.

I was thrilled when Don suggested doing a three-person seminar with James Scott Bell. I met James a few months ago and we really hit it off, talking for hours about our shared interests and approaches to writing.

Lately I’ve seen the benefits of seminars where several experts come at the same subject from different perspectives.

Diane: Give us a taste of what to expect at Story Masters.

Chris: I’ll be presenting my myth-inspired “Hero’s Journey” framework for outlining stories, drawn from my first book, The Writer’s Journey, but there will be plenty of fresh material from my latest, Memo from the Story Department.

I pulled in concepts from early Greek theories about character and from a ground-breaking study of fairy-tale structure.

I get a kick out of talking about good old-fashioned showmanship and the rich tradition of vaudeville, which offers many practical lessons for designing an entertaining experience.

Diane: What do you like most about teaching writers?

Chris: Writers tend to be life-long learners and they just eat up information.

I enjoyed helping one author get published by showing him a couple of simple techniques for streamlining his writing and putting intriguing “buttons” at the ends of his chapters. He got the idea from one or two examples and exported it throughout the manuscript.

Diane:  How should writers prepare in order to get the most out of Story Masters?

Chris: Prepare by reviewing your current project, maybe something you’re stuck on.

What to bring? An open mind. I figure we will all be swimming around in the warm currents of writerly enthusiasm day and night.

Diane: Is there anything you can share with us right now? An exercise, maybe?

Chris: Here’s a version of a short chapter from Memo from the Story Department on the question of “What is a scene?”

Download your FREE chapter from Chris!

Diane: Why should writers take advantage of the optional freelance editor appointments?

Chris: A good rule is “Never turn down a chance to interview,” and I would add, never miss a chance to practice pitching yourself and your ideas. You’ll learn a lot by just watching the facial expressions and body language of the editors or agents.

Diane: BONUS PITCH QUESTION: Is pitching easy or hard for you?

Chris: Pitching is a pretty natural activity for me – after all, it’s story-telling!

I like to start by making it personal, either relating something that happened to me and started me on the road to the project, or by asking some question to draw in the listener, like “Have you ever…?” (wished you could fly, looked for a lost love on the Internet, hoped for a second chance at life, found yourself in an airport wondering who around you could be a terrorist, wondered what happens when we die?) T

his approach makes the story in some way about the listener, inviting them to plug themselves into my story.

Diane: Thanks, Chris! Can’t wait to finally meet you in person.

---

Previously in this series:

• How to Be a Story Master by Literary Agent Donald Maass
• How Writers Learn to be Story Masters by James Scott Bell
• How to Have a Story Master In Your Court (Lorin Oberweger)
• A Story Master Where Narrative is King (Roman White)
• Coaching You to Be a Story Master Apprentice (Jason Sitzes)
• Journey to the Heart at the Story Masters Workshop (Brenda Windberg)

It’s Story Masters week!  I’m spotlighting an advanced, craft-of-writing conference that I’ll be attending in November, 2011.  (My squeal of delight is like this... but more dignified and writerly. See minute 1:03)

Story Masters = Three of the best teachers in the nation PLUS access to four freelance editors in ONE rockin’ workshop. 

Today is all about Brenda Windberg, freelance editor who believes in journeying to the heart of you and your story.

Previously in this series:

• How to Be a Story Master by Literary Agent Donald Maass
• How Writers Learn to be Story Masters by James Scott Bell
• How to Have a Story Master In Your Court (Lorin Oberweger)
• A Story Master Where Narrative is King (Roman White)
• Coaching You to Be a Story Master Apprentice (Jason Sitzes)

Diane: Why are you excited about Story Masters?

Brenda: For the past several years, I’ve been thrilled and privileged to work with Donald Maass, offering writing seminars all over the country. He’s such an amazing teacher, truly generous and inspiring.

And now, at our first ever StoryMasters Workshop, it feels as though we’ve been able to assemble a ‘Dream Team’ of literary brilliance with the addition of James Scott Bell and Christopher Vogler.

I simply can’t wait to see what happens!

Diane: What do you do, who do you do it for, and why is it effective?

Brenda: As mentioned in my bio (see below), I work as an independent editor and staff writer for Free Expressions Seminars and Literary Services. In a nutshell, I strive to help writers define their vision, develop their voice and strengthen their writing skills.

My work is effective because I believe in journeying to the heart—the heart of story, of character psychology, of authorial purpose—in order to help authors craft the most authentic and engaging version of the story they long to tell.

Diane: What’s the highlight of your work?

Brenda: I’m tempted to answer this one by saying ‘see above,’ simply because the process of discovery, of glimpsing the truth and beauty at the core of each writer’s work and then collaborating to shape that essence into its final form is what I love most about what I do.

There is so much joy when that lightbulb goes off, when, together, we see what’s possible and then craft a plan to make it real.

Diane: What happens in a workshop appointment?

Brenda: In my workshop appointments, I am always prepared to give my impressions of the work and offer suggestions, but I also work to make sure the time is used in a way that is most helpful for the writer.

I don’t want to talk simply to fill space, but rather I want to say things that will resonate and clarify.

I want writers to leave my appointments with their minds on fire. I want them to race back to their manuscripts, itching to get to work. For that reason, I love when writers come to the appointment with specific questions, when they let me know exactly where they would like to focus.

From there, I’ll ask questions of my own, questions about goals and motivations for both characters and author, about language and structure and tension. As I said above, it’s all about truth for me—I believe that’s why we write—and I do everything I can to get there with every writer I speak to.

Diane: Can writers continue working with you after the workshop.

Brenda: Writers can absolutely continue working with any of our editors after the workshop, in basically any form they feel effective.

At Free Expressions, we pride ourselves on customizing our offerings so that we make the most of each writer’s time, abilities, and preferences. Whether that means a chapter line-edit, a full manuscript evaluation, or a story development weekend, we’re happy to find the most effective approach.

Diane: BONUS PITCH QUESTION: Is pitching easy or hard for you?

Brenda: Pitching is tough, there’s no getting around it.

In my early years, I tried too hard and talked too much and, just like when novice writers rush to fill in all the blanks in their novels instead of leaving space for the reader to wonder, I made my story less intriguing with my chatter.

My best advice is to keep it simple but enticing. Focus on what’s different about your story, figure out the most potent and active descriptors, and have the confidence NOT to babble like you’ll never have another two minutes in front of an agent or editor.

Just breathe and connect. You’ll be great.

---

Brenda Windberg, Program Coordinator and Staff Editor, has been on the staff of Free Expressions since 2002. An accomplished writer and editor, Brenda has worked in publishing for more than fifteen years.

She has served as editor for Free Expressions' WRITE LINE newsletter and worked as a staff writer for several newspapers, in addition to freelancing and ghostwriting. Her articles have been featured in such publications as PARENT GUIDE, HARTFORD TIMES PRESS, and others. Currently at work on her third novel, her work is represented by Matt Bialer of The Sanford Greenburger Agency.

Today is all about Jason Sitzes, one of the totally rockin’ freelance editors available at the Story Masters, 4-day workshop, November 3 – 6, 2011, in Houston, TX.

If you’ve ever met him in person, you know him as a wonderful combination of (a) larger than life and (b) the quiet guy at the back of the room. Plus he’s the brainstorming king.

To know Jason is to love him. Today, I’m sharing the love.

Previously in this series:

• How to Be a Story Master by Literary Agent Donald Maass
• How Writers Learn to be Story Masters by James Scott Bell
• How to Have a Story Master In Your Court (Lorin Oberweger)

• A Story Master Where Narrative is King (Roman White)

Before we begin, here’s a bit of background on Jason:

Jason Sitzes has a creative writing degree from the University of Tennessee and is the author of award-winning short fiction, as well as the director of the internationally acclaimed ten day Writers Retreat Workshop.

Always working on some sort of personal project (novel, short story, watching basketball), Jason has edited hundreds of full or partial manuscripts for award-winning, published and not-yet-published writers, and has also worked one-on-one with hundreds of writers over the past ten years through workshops and classes (including serving as staff editor for dozens of other Donald Maass Breakout Novel Intensive—BONI--workshops).

(Want to know which NYT Bestselling authors Jason has taught with?  There’s more at the bottom.)

Diane: Why are you excited about Story Masters?

Jason: First, it’s always an inspirational weekend or week for this group of core staff to come together in whatever city we find ourselves.

We’ve worked together at various points of the year for almost a decade now. There is a real sense of family among us, and the writers who attend feel us reaching to them as well.

Then, of course, there is the teaching.

• Don Maass is working on a new book project and some of that material will be presented at Story Masters.
• Christopher Vogler is renowned for his books and teaching.
• And James Scott Bell brings the nuts and bolts, working in the trenches of daily fiction writing, to us.

It’s a nice combination of ideas and challenges for what promises to be an inspiring weekend. Then, there’s the extra opportunity, lagniappe if you will, to meet with us, the writer/editors, and get solid 1-1 feedback on works-in-progress. Those meetings alone we hope will make the time and money spent exceed expectations.

I believe, I know, without question there are teachers who are flat brilliant when it comes to issues of craft and story. These folk are in that group. However, I also fully believe what Hemmingway once wrote:

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”

(I’m pretty certain that’s fully attributable to Hemingway… if it is not, Erika Shephard Robuck may punish me in whatever way I’ve deserved.)

I look at these weekends as an opportunity for us all to improve at what we do: to gain understanding, to find inspiration. We get a little closer to that goal we’ll never reach. But that’s the excitement of the journey.

If your goal is to get published, then we believe with work and patience that will happen for you. My personal goal is beyond publication. For you, I want you to find the writer and storyteller slumbering inside who wakes on occasion and scratches at your throat for release.

Diane: What do you do, who do you do it for, and why is it effective?

Jason: What I do is pretty much outlined in that enormous bio attached. But in a nutshell, I am a fanatic about story.

I believe the key to great story is finding the nugget of originality within you and getting it effectively onto the page. There is something only you as an individual on this planet and within this Universe can bring to this particular story you’ve created. And many, many writers don’t get their originality on the page. Most aren’t even aware of what makes them unique.

Nobody else writes like Lee Child. Nobody else writes like Stephen King or Barbara Kingsolver. Nobody will ever again write like Dickens. Have you set your work apart unique to you? If so, you’ll be noticed. You can’t help but be noticed.

I try to help writers find what is original about their voice and story. From there, we study story, pace, narrative flow, right down to scene structure, description effectiveness, paragraph strength, and, as my mentor (whom I never met) Gary Provost taught, making certain every word works.

Diane: What’s the highlight of your work?

Jason: The highlight of my work is looking forward to the next project. I don’t look back. I frankly can’t remember much of what is back there.

What I love about what I do is that there is always a new story that catches me by surprise.

I recently saw an early screening of an indie film titled Another Earth. I spent the three months before its release telling everyone I knew about the film. It was original. It was tragic. It was beautiful. It had an ending you could talk about for hours. It was made on a shoestring budget.

That’s what I love about what I do… with enough care and attention to story, we can move the emotions of readers and viewers. It takes hard work. In a world where vanity-publishing isn’t considered vanity, we lose track of how much work goes into story.

I enjoy reminding writers of this by digging into the potential of their ‘finished’ manuscripts, watching their frustration as an awareness of great work ahead dawns on them (yes, I do enjoy watching your frustration), and then the excitement of seeing their breakthrough to a new creative level and the hard work becomes joy again.

I have been beyond lucky to work with terrific writers; powerful-yet-giving agents/editors; sit with, talk with and drink (coffee or wine) with NYT bestsellers and soon-to-be published authors; and I’ve appeared in more acknowledgement pages than I know. But what I love most about what I do is the promise we each have for our next highlight just through that door.

Diane: What happens in a workshop appointment?

Jason: If a writer isn’t sure they want to work with me, then we’re probably on the same page. It takes maturity and willingness to be able to sit and brainstorm with a stranger. Or to have someone break apart a story you thought was finished.

Fact is, your story might be finished. But what if one of my ideas leads you to an even better idea? What if a gaping hole in plot stares you between your eyes and you missed it? What if you haven’t considered the true motivation of a character because in your own life you’re blinded to your own motivation(s)?

We’ll find those elements. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll cheer. We both win, the story wins, and the reader wins.

That’s what happens in a meeting. You’re challenged and you grow; but only if you’re ready and willing. If you aren’t, let’s just have a beer and talk baseball.

And on the critique group issue… a great critique group can be like having professionals around. If you’re very lucky. My critique group has consisted of Lorin Oberweger and Donald Maass. I know, right!? I would never say your critique group can’t take you to an amazing level. It can. And sometimes it’s all you need.

Diane: Can writers continue working with you after the workshop?

Jason: No. I leave the planet when a workshop isn’t in session.

Of course they can work with me. Email me (wrw04@netscape.net), write me (Writers Retreat Workshop / PO Box 4236 / Louisville KY, 40204), hit our website, meet me by the pool and we’ll figure out what works best for your needs. I have many options: from manuscript markups with written and audio feedback (plus phone consultation) to our meeting 1-1 where you live or where I live or someplace in between. We’ll figure out what you need and we’ll make it happen.

"My book was a consistent start-stop project for three years. In less than four months I went from not knowing him to trusting his judgment based on great communication, creativity and wonderful writing skills. I give Jason the highest marks and recommendation possible."
Edward DuCoin, Wharton Grad, Entrepreneur, NASCAR team owner, Member of Philadelphia Business Journal Hall of Fame, featured in Success Magazine and other business publications.

“When I was looking for someone to help me with editing my book, I called Ms. Gail Provost, the wife of the late Gary Provost… she highly recommended Jason. It didn't take long for me to decide I wanted Jason to assist me with my project. My project was almost complete, but missing something.  I told Jason that I wanted pizzazz.  Jason not only gave it pizzazz, he made it even more personal.  And he did this in less than a month.  I highly, highly recommend Jason to be your editor, ghostwriter, or at the very least, your mentor. Thank you again, Jason.”
W. Smith, CA (‘11)

“We cannot recommend Jason highly enough. Talk about value for money! As writers this is the best investment in our career we could have made. Jason has taken our writing to a whole new level. It is one thing to read the theory, it is another thing to have someone critique your words and show you how to put it into practice.”
Robyn & Wendy (co-authors) Australia

“Our session was a great investment for me. My only regret is that I didn't take the leap earlier. I've observed that many 'organic,' in this case meaning formally untrained, writers like myself are unaware that there is a template for getting one's thoughts on paper. The words come to us instinctively, but the rhythm and form often need to be learned with the help of someone like Jason. It reminds me of attempting to cook using only conjecture and your imagination and then finding out there's actually a recipe for the dish. And I thank you, Jason, for the recipe!” 
Lee Ann R., FLA

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Jason mentioned the following advanced, craft-of-fiction workshops, in addition to Story Masters:

Writers Retreat Workshop is a 10-day retreat and writing intensive founded by the late Gary Provost, who wrote across genres and pioneered novel-writing courses.  The next one is June, 2012.

The Breakout Novel Intensive is Donald Maass’ 7-day workshop/retreat that builds on his books: Writing the Breakout Novel (2001), Writing the Breakout Novel Workbook (2004), The Fire in Fiction (2009) and The Breakout Novelist (2011). The next Intensives are September 19-25, 2011, in Louisville, KY and April 19 - 25, 2012, Hood River, OR.

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More about Jason:

Jason’s ghostwriting projects of both fiction and nonfiction include: GLASS HALF FULL AND FROZEN, with entrepreneur Ed DuCoin; SET ‘EM UP JOE, with Dino Pavlou ; MY LIFE AS SINATRA, with Cary Hoffman (currently an off-Broadway NYC production), and a current work-in-progress based in New England surrounding a young man who suffered severe debilitating brain trauma while doctors believed he was dead, and he rehabbed to a point where he now devotes his life to improving the lives of many.

Other non-fiction projects include work with Alt Weekly newspapers interviewing and writing about local leaders, film-makers, educators and performers such as Louis CK, Paula Poundstone and Robert Kline.

At the Writers Retreat Workshop, Jason has worked on ‘stage’ and behind the scenes with more NYC agents, editors, and bestselling writers than can be listed. Agencies include Writers House, Foundry, Donald Maass Agency, Sanford J Greenburger, Folio, and many others. Publishers include Random House, Penguin, Tor/Forge and others.

His interviews and co-teaching with writers include NYT bestsellers Michael Palmer, Dean Koontz, Janet Chapman, Jennifer Crusie, TJ MacGregor, Nancy Pickard, Will Lavender, Brett Witter… writers and instructors Elizabeth Lyon, Les Edgerton… and again, too many to remember or list.

Jason’s work spans the globe from 1-1 intensives in Sydney, Australia to an early 2012 writing retreat and editorial meeting opportunity in gorgeous Cuernavaca, Mexico. And of course, working with Lorin Oberweger, Donald Maass, Brenda Windberg, the BONI group, and whatever else the future holds.

Roman White is one of the 4 freelance editors offering optional appointments at the brand new, 4-day Story Masters workshop in Houston, this November.  But Roman has a rather unique background….

He’s won a few Emmys.  No kidding.

So after you’ve learned from Literary Agent Donald Maass, James Scott Bell, and Christopher Vogler during the day; you have the chance to optionally work with Roman in the evenings. 

What Revolution Pictures says about Roman:

To Roman White, narrative is king.

His passion for powerful visual storytelling has propelled him to direct music’s top artists, including Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Carrie Underwood, and Reba McIntire, among others. Winner of numerous awards and accolades–including an MTV Video Music Award, a CMT Award, an Academy of Country Music Award, and numerous Emmys (not to mention countless award nominations)–artists, audiences, and peers alike all agree:

Roman’s talent and passion for creating stunning visuals and memorable narratives make him one of the elite creative talents in the industry.

Diane: Why are you excited about Story Masters?

Roman: I always LOVE attending these workshops because it’s a great opportunity to meet new writers and also catch up with people I’ve met in the past. I also REALLY enjoy helping people out with their stories and novels whether they are close to finishing or just starting out.

I think Story Masters is unique because you’re getting to spend time with a group of different teachers, writers, editors and yes, even a director! Hehe. It’s also incredibly cool to just hang out with a bunch of writers and shoot the crap about all things writerly!

Diane: What do you do, who do you do it for, and why is it effective?

Roman: I have been writing since I was old enough to hold a pencil, and I LOVE it. I started out working on novels, and in the last few years I've moved into the Hollywood world of screenplays.

I’m also a director and have been for over 12 years and, through all this, my mutant power seems to have become PLOTTING. I see the holes and the lack of character motivation and can even figure out why things just aren’t as big or working as well as they should. As I said, it’s like a weird mutant ability that would not come in handy during a big fight against super villains, but it’s helped me out a lot in my career, and I’ve been fortunate enough to help TONS of writers!

I’ve been a part of literary agent Donald Maass’ Breakout Novel Workshop since its inception and have also been on staff at the Writers Retreat Workshop for twelve years and simply love writing and writers and doing what I can to help them.  (See below for workshop details.)

I pretty much want to HELP people when I meet with them. It’s their time, and I truly want to make it worth their while whether they want to talk about the industry or their book or even rip their plot apart and try to pop it back together! It’s a lot of fun for me, and my end goal is to HELP people become better writers and make their stories even bigger than they could have imagined. That’s what we all want at the end of the day, right? A better story? I definitely can’t shoot lasers out of my eyes, but I can help people with that!

Diane: What’s the highlight of your work?

Roman: Oh, man! I LOVE what I do. I am so fortunate and have had MANY wonderful moments to count and have a BLAST almost every day. I guess this is where I have to talk about what I’ve accomplished, which is always hard because my mom taught me not to brag! LOL.

But, since you asked, here are a few highlights: I’ve been nominated for 11 EMMYS and have won three. I won an MTV Music Video Award for the infamous Taylor Swift video “You Belong With Me,” which Kanye West interrupted, etc. YEAH, that one! Hehe. (But, the moon man is INSANELY COOL).

I’ve been nominated three times for MTV Music Awards. I’ve been CMT Director of the Year three times and have also won numerous other CMT Music Awards for Video of the Year.

The music video I wrote and directed for Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” was named Video of the Decade recently. I have received three ACM awards for Director of the Year. Long story short, I have been crazy blessed, but I do truly work my butt off . . . even though it’s also A LOT of fun!

Most recently, I am writing and directing in HOLLYWOODland.

I’m working on films, writing screenplays and someday soon you’ll be seeing my name on the big screen . . . but this hasn’t been an easy journey at all. Like anything worth doing, it has its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change anything. I think, when all is said and done (and as cheesy as it sounds), I really love helping other writers because I want them to experience their dreams and get their stories out into the world.

Diane: What happens in a workshop appointment? 

(Most writers think working with a professional editor is the same as talking with their critique partners, or they may have misconceptions, such as editing is punctuation only!)

Roman: I think I went on and on about this a bit earlier, but here goes again!

I really want the writer to get from me what THEY need. I read their material and am always ready to pounce on any topic, but everyone is different. Some people want plotting help and some want to talk about the industry and some simply want to hear your thoughts on their work, etc.

Like I said, I am game for anything because it’s their time, and I want them to walk away with what they need. That said, I usually edit the pages and give plot notes on the manuscript itself as well as normal editing, but I also like for people to give me an idea (in advance) of what they’d like me to focus on when they give me their pages. I think having a target in mind helps you hit the bulls-eye and really give writers what they want most.

As far as editing being ONLY punctuation . . . well, that’s just crazy talk!

Most editors are great writers in their own right and truly understand the craft of writing, which expands far beyond punctuation. I’m talking character development, plotting, structure, flow, description, etc. It’s all in there and I think punctuation kind of ends up at the bottom of the barrel.

When I go into a meeting about a film or any project, everything I know and have learned about writing is in play. I have to be able to talk about it all and I have to be ON every day of the week.

So, I think for all editors, it’s about their experience and what they bring to the table as a professional. Oh, and did I mention that it’s SO NOT all about punctuation???

Diane: Can writers continue working with you after the workshop. How does that work?

Roman: I absolutely love to stay in contact with writers after workshops, but I’m not a full-time editor like Lorin. She’s incredible at what she does and breaks down stories and edits like you wouldn’t believe! Both Lorin and Brenda have BOTH been incredible assets to me in the past for my own writing . . . and I kind of love them a little too! Hehe.

So, if you were looking for somebody to really dig in and edit your entire manuscript, I’d go that route, but I’m definitely open to helping you in any way I can and am also starting to help people develop and work on screenplays, if that’s an interest of yours.

Diane: BONUS PITCH QUESTION: Is pitching easy or hard for you?

Roman: OH GOD! I think pitching is hard for everybody. One of the hardest things for me, and I hope it’s not just me, has always been talking about my own work. BUT, you kind of have to get over it in order to SELL your work.

I think the biggest key in pitching is confidence in what you’re bringing to the table . . .even if you have to fake it!

My family actually came up with a nickname for me, and they lovingly but mostly jokingly refer to me sometimes as ROMANELLI. Romanelli isn’t the geek kid they all grew up with . . . Romanelli is the more “famous” version of me.

He came about when I was backstage at a concert with some family members and a few people came up to me wanting me to sign stuff and take pictures with me . . . I KNOW, CRAZY! And my family stood there with gaping mouths of horror like WHAT THE CRAP IS GOING ON HERE? WHY THE HELL DO THEY WANT A PICTURE WITH HIM?

It was insanely funny, and that was the night Romanelli was born.

So, I kind of think of Romanelli as the smarter, better, more confident, all-around better version of that geek kid from Nashville. Hehe. I let him handle the big meetings and do the big talks and all that stuff because he’s more confident than regular old Roman.

So, sometimes, when it comes to pitching, it’s easier to create a character . . . a jacked up version of yourself to really sell your work and let people know how great you are because let’s be real . . . you’re awesome!

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Previously in this series:

• How to Be a Story Master by Literary Agent Donald Maass
• How Writers Learn to be Story Masters by James Scott Bell
• How to Have a Story Master In Your Court

Roman mentioned the following advanced, craft-of-fiction workshops, in addition to Story Masters:

Writers Retreat Workshop is a 10-day retreat and writing intensive founded by the late Gary Provost, who wrote across genres and pioneered novel-writing courses.  The next one is June, 2012.

The Breakout Novel Intensive is Donald Maass’ 7-day workshop/retreat that builds on his books: Writing the Breakout Novel (2001), Writing the Breakout Novel Workbook (2004), The Fire in Fiction (2009) and The Breakout Novelist (2011). The next Intensives are September 19-25, 2011, in Louisville, KY and April 19 - 25, 2012, Hood River, OR.

It’s Story Masters week here at Pitch U. 

At Pitch U we focus on becoming awesome at pitching and (with Indie U) your career.  There’s nothing that contributes more to Awesomeness than writing an awesome book to begin with.  That’s why I’m going to (dum dum DUM) this advanced craft-of-writing workshop.

We’ve already heard this week from…

• Donald Maass about How to Be a Story Master.
• How Writers Learn to be Story Masters by James Scott Bell

And now I want to celebrate the woman who runs this conference and all the Donald Mass Breakout Novel Intensives around the country:  Lorin Oberweger.  She’s a freelance editor/wizard, and you have a chance to work with her at the conference.

Yes, I’ve personally worked with her.  And yes, she is so skilled that her client list includes multi-published authors.   (Nope, I’m not an affiliate nor do I make money on doing this.  I just do it because I love it.  Isn’t that why we write to begin with?)

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Who is that talented woman?

LORIN OBERWEGER is a highly sought-after independent book editor and ghostwriter with more than twenty years experience in publishing.

(Lorin’s students and clients have millions of books in print and have been published by HarperCollins, Random House, Penguin, Scholastic, and other mainstream and independent presses. They have also gained representation with some of the industry’s leading literary agents.)

Her company, Free Expressions, offers writing seminars nationwide with literary agent Donald Maass, as well as the new 4-day Story Masters Workshop featured this week.

She’s been a friend to Pitch U since the beginning, contributing two amazing articles: Writer’s Miranda Rights (When You Pitch Your Book) and EXPERT PITCH CLASS: Pitch Your Character’s Emotional Arc (CONTEST!) 

Diane: Why are you excited about Story Masters?

Lorin: As a writer myself, I’m thrilled to be able to bring together three incredibly talented writing instructors. I have the pleasure of working with Don regularly, and never cease to be amazed by his brilliance. Adding Jim Bell and Chris Vogler to the mix is incredible icing on the cake.

I have to confess to being a bit geeked out at the opportunity to sit and learn from them for four days!

• Christopher Vogler: THE WISDOM OF THE BODY: How the Hero's Journey Triggers the Emotions of the Audience.  Vogler is the  author of THE WRITER'S JOURNEY: Mythic Structure for Writers and co-author of MEMO FROM THE STORY DEPARTMENT, has helped major filmmakers and studios find the mythic dimension in their work, and he can do the same for your screenplay or novel manuscript.
• Literary Agent Donald Maass: 21st Century Story: In this hands-on, immersive workshop, Mr. Maass demonstrates advanced methods for creating strong story events, plot layers, parallels, reversals, symbols and gripping themes. Coupled with those are techniques for constructing depth of character and sweeping character arcs.
• James Scott Bell: Beyond Nuts and Bolts: Learn the essentials of bestselling fiction, what agents, editors and readers are looking for – and how you can give it to them. You’ll learn everything from The LOCK System for your novel to a system for revision so you don't miss a trick.

Diane:  But you’re also working during the conference.

Lorin: I am! I’m excited by the opportunity to add value to that experience for writers by offering really in-depth one-on-one consultations with wonderful editors and brainstorming gurus like Brenda Windberg, Jason Sitzes, and Roman White.

I hope people will avail themselves of the opportunity to get specific feedback on their work while being filled up with an amazing amount of writing knowledge.

Diane: Many writers don’t really know what a freelance story editor can offer them.

Lorin: The long and short of it is that I help writers succeed, artistically and professionally. That can take the form of personal story development weekends, where a writer and I construct (or deconstruct and rebuild) his or her novel over the course of a few days, or it can take the form of developmental and line-editing on a completed manuscript or work in progress.

I offer other services as well, but my overall goal is to be responsive to what each individual client needs to move toward publishing success (or to broaden the success he/she already enjoys).

As to why it’s effective, my fundamental belief is that it’s my job to get down on the page with the author, to really FEEL what he or she is trying to say, to help preserve and bolster the voice of the story, to delve deep into character psychology and motivations, to create a taut and effective overall structure, and so on.

I like to say I just have a “knowin’” where these things are concerned and am able to communicate that to clients, I hope, in a way that leaves them feeling motivated and empowered to do the hard work of making their novel all it can be.

That said, it’s also effective because my clients DO that work.

They’re the ones who go home after our weekends together and write and write and write. They’re the ones who go through my edits page-by-page and respond to my concerns, consider and implement my suggestions, and sometimes take a much tougher but ultimately more rewarding route to elevating their work.

They’re the real stars; I’m just a facilitator of their success.

Diane: What’s the highlight of your work?

Lorin: The highlight of my work is that I get to do something I absolutely love, something that aligns my particular skill set with my values and passions.

Not everyone gets to say that about her professional life, and I don’t for a moment forget my good fortune in being as sought after as I am and having the successes I’ve had.

More specifically, though, I love those amazing breakthrough moments I have with clients, moments where I’m able to unlock pieces of the puzzle with which they’ve sometimes been struggling for months—or years! I love helping them elevate not just their prose but their stories, from character to setting to scene structure and overall plot. I love to push writers because, generally, I only work folks I feel are not only skilled but capable of doing great things.

Some recent client comments, which also constitute recent successes!:

“Lorin was instrumental in helping to develop and then polish my debut novel. From larger story concepts to crafting elegant prose, Lorin is a brilliant mentor. I look forward to working with her for many projects to come.”
-- Veronica Rossi, author of the upcoming UNDER THE NEVER SKY, HarperCollins

“I highly recommend Lorin's services to anyone who wants to take his or her writing to a new level. Lorin's expert advice and editorial comments pushed my manuscript from good to sellable. With her meticulous line edits, I submitted a polished manuscript that quickly attracted the attention of multiple agents and publishers. The result? A two-book deal at auction to Scholastic!”
-- Donna Cooner, author of the upcoming SKINNY, Scholastic

“If you are looking for writing help, Lorin is it. She’s got the experience, she’s got the confidence, but most of all she has the eye. She can look at your manuscript and tell you exactly what it needs.”
-- Lissa Price, debut author of STARTERS, lead title for Spring 2012, Random House, Delacorte

This year, my clients have done amazing things, with more people signing not just contracts but multiple book contracts (yay, career longevity!), finding agents with great agencies, and being not just published but extremely well-published.

Every client’s project is personal to me, and every publishing success story feels like a fresh new thrill!

Diane: So, what happens in a workshop appointment? How is it different than working with your critique partners?

Lorin: In terms of how it differs from working with critique partners… Well, some people have excellent critique partners, but for the most part, those folks haven’t been in the industry for a couple of decades and don’t have a track record of client successes.

They don’t have the same understanding of what books need to be not just enjoyable but publishable—and really not just publishable but to be the kinds of books that will create excitement in agents, editors, and—the most important audience—readers.

Most critique partners also haven’t had the good fortune I’ve had to constantly enhance my knowledge through repeated attendance at two of the best writing workshops in the country (she says, modestly), either one of which has been equated to a full-on Masters Degree program in writing—presented in a week or ten days!

When I sit down with a student (or when Brenda, Jason, or Roman does), my goals for that session are the same as my overall goals for a client—help the writer to do better work. I read (and edit) the first fifteen or so pages, plus a synopsis and other notes on a student’s project, so that when we talk I’m responding not just to those pages, to whether the writer has crafted a compelling opening, using characters with whom one can identify, employing sufficient tension and effective scene structure, etc., but to the story as a whole.

So, it’s far more than line-editing or proofreading, which is a very small part of what we do. It’s about identifying large and small problem areas and helping the writer build strength where they might currently evince weakness.

It’s a very practical, THOROUGH, but I hope, supportive process for writers.

Diane: Can writers continue working with you after the workshop. How does that work?

Lorin: Sure, if we both feel we’d be a good match, I certainly welcome it! It can work in any number of ways, but it generally starts with an email exchange or phone call to determine the best course of action. Then we design a personalized “plan of attack” together and go from there!

Diane’s BONUS PITCH QUESTION: Okay, I have to ask… Is pitching easy or hard for you? What technique and/or approach do you rely on when pitching books?

Lorin: Generally, I don’t pitch client novels directly, though I’ve certainly helped to craft MANY pitches—and, of course, passed on client work from time to time to agents I trust and admire.

One of the most critical things, which I think a lot of writers leave unexpressed, is the emotional arc of the story. It can be captured in just a few words within the pitch, but without that texture, a pitch tends to feel a bit empty and formulaic in my experience.

Whether it’s easy for me to do where my own work is concerned…Hmm. It’s certainly gotten easier over the years, but I’ve tended to detach from the outcome while I still have a work-in-progress. In other words, it’s just practice until the book is ready and I’m pitching in earnest.

Also, I’m fortunate enough to have friends in the industry, with whom I can “vet” certain concepts, to whom I can show pages and talk over plot points, etc., so it’s a little bit less of a white knuckle experience for me. I’m sure when my own novel is complete, and I’m waiting for responses from some of those folks—or others I may contact, I may want to revise this answer!

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LORIN OBERWEGER also offers her acclaimed Personal Novel Crafting Retreats--intensive story development weekends for writers in all genres of fiction. In addition, she serves as Editor-in-Residence/Class Instructor for the renowned Writers Retreat Workshop.

An award-winning author, Lorin’s poetry, short fiction, and articles have appeared in well over one-hundred periodicals, including THE MONTSERRAT REVIEW, STORYQUARTERLY, and the bestselling regional anthology FRENCH QUARTER FICTION. Recently, an excerpt of her novel-in-progress, ITCH, was awarded “Best of Workshop” at Writers in Paradise, co-founded by author Dennis Lehane.

From Diane, Pitch U Founder:

This week is devoted to the 4-day workshop, Story Masters, of which James Scott Bell most certainly is one! 

As you know, I’m on a personal mission to tell the world about Story Masters so that Houston, TX becomes the destination for Awesome Workshops.  (I’m a simple writer with simple world-domination goals.)

So far this week, we’ve spoken with Donald Maass about How to Be a Story Master. 

James Scott Bell Kicks Story Butt

JAMES SCOTT BELL is the bestselling author of Deceived, Try Dying, Watch Your Back and several other thrillers. Writing under the name K. Bennett, he is also the author of the Mallory Caine zombie legal thriller series. The first title, Pay Me in Flesh, is now available wherever books are sold.

Jim served as fiction columnist for Writer's Digest magazine, to which he frequently contributes, and has written three bestselling craft books for Writers Digest, including the #1 writing book of the decade, Plot & Structure.

First, Tell Us About Story Masters…

Diane: This is the debut of Story Masters. How did it come about?

Jim: I was asked by my agent and fellow Writer's Digest Books author, Don Maass, if I'd like to participate with him and Chris Vogler on this program. It took my half a second to say Yes. I greatly admire Don and Chris as teachers of the craft and was honored to be included.

Diane: What is your part of the Story Master’s experience?

Jim: We each bring our own approaches, which will be hugely beneficial for the writers who attend. Because we each have some unique insights but also many areas of overlap.

But because we each have our own way to view those commonalities, the attendees will get them deeply ingrained. It will be like a triple shot of espresso as opposed to a single cup of drip.

My expertise is plot and structure, and translating the most important concepts into usable techniques. I came up with a system I call LOCK (Lead, Objective, Confrontation and Knock out) that has proved extremely valuable to writers over the years.

It guarantees a solid novel every time out. Then the author is free to add those things that elevate the story to the next level and lets the original voice roam free.

How Writers Learn to be Story Masters

Diane: What do you like about teaching writers?

Jim: I'd been told in college that writers are born, not made. That you either had it or you didn't. I did not get any coaching in the actual craft of writing and got frustrated not being able to pull of what I wanted to pull off.

When I woke up a decade later needing to try again, I found you could actually learn if you were dogged and persistent and wrote constantly. When I discovered that I got so juiced I had to start helping other writers.

I teach them what I wish I'd been taught back in college.

I've had dozens of people pass through my workshops over the years who have gone on to be published. But this one stands out. I was at a conference and after lunch saw a woman sitting off by herself, looking rather sad.

I went over to ask her what the problem was. Here eyes teared up and she said she looked around at all the writers there and wondered if she had a chance, if she was good enough, if this was all just too much of a long shot.

I grabbed a napkin and drew a pyramid diagram. I divided the pyramid into six sections. Inside the pyramid are writers, I explained, with each section representing a different level of achievement.

The bottom, where most of the people are, is the realm of the “want to.” Or “I think I have a book inside me.” But outside of some scribblings, maybe a short story or two, perhaps an unfinished novel, these people never move on to the next level…

…which is where people like you are (I told her). Those who actually try to learn something about writing. Who buy writing books, go to conferences, take classes…and write.

Above that is the level for those who actually finish a full length novel. This is a great place to be. This is where real writers come from.

The next level holds those who write another novel, because the first one is probably going to be rejected. They do this because they are novelists, not just someone who happened to write a novel.

Next are those who get published. Above that those who are published multiple times.

Sitting on top of the pyramid is a Wheel of Fortune. This is where the breakout hits come from. The wheel goes around and lands on a book like Cold Mountain. Or The Da Vinci Code. Or Harry Potter.

No one can control this. No one know how to guarantee a hit, or it would be done every time out.

Your job, I told the young writer, is to keep moving up the pyramid. Each level presents its own challenges, so concentrate on those. As you move up, you’ll notice there are fewer people, not more. People drop out of the pyramid all the time. But if you work hard, you might get a novel on the wheel, and that’s as far as you can go on your own. After that it’s not up to you anymore.

The conference went on and I forgot all about this incident.

A couple of years later I bumped into her at another conference. She told me that this conversation and the diagram had a profound effect on her, and that she was going to keep going, and was finishing her first novel.

Two years after that she wrote to tell me she had landed a book deal. She is now a published author.

Back to  Story Masters…

Diane: How should writers prepare in order to get the most out of it?

Jim: This is all new to me as well! All I can say is, come prepared to take a lot of notes. I'm sure there will be ample opportunity to ask questions as well. I don't know what the schedule holds yet, but I will be around in the evenings.

Diane: Will there be groovy handouts?

Jim: There will be some handouts. The groovy part will be decided by the recipients!

One of my favorite exercises is the "chair through the window." Imagine your Lead alone in a room with a big bay window. Now she picks up a chair and throws it through the glass. What would make her do that? Write for five minutes and justify the action.

More about Jim:

Jim attended the University of California, Santa Barbara where he studied writing with Raymond Carver. He graduated with honors from the University of Southern California law school, and has written over 300 articles and numerous books for the legal profession.

A former trial lawyer, Jim now writes and speaks full time. He lives in Los Angeles. His website is www.JamesScottBell.com.

You can follow him at Twitter.com/jamesscottbell.

And you can find him blogging at the Kill Zone.

The Workshop to End All Workshops

by Donald Maass, Founder Donald Maass Literary Agency 

I have for some years been dreaming of bringing together top teachers of story for a workshop to end all workshops.  I’m thrilled that Chris Vogler and Jim Bell said yes. 

What’s exciting is that participants will get three mind-blowing days of story development (plus a 4th day of us together), each different, all empowering. I’ll be sitting in and avidly participating as Chris and Jim teach, I can tell you.

21st Century Fiction and The Story Master

My own day of teaching will be all new, based on my upcoming book Writing 21st Century Fiction. 

Using scores of story development prompts, I’ll be pushing participants to create detailed inner and outer journeys for their characters, with many enhancements.  Character arc by itself becomes vastly more absorbing and emotional when it’s broken down as I plan to do.  Plot twists, turns and surprises become not just serendipity, but techniques you can use whenever you like.

I have a pretty big collection of letters and e-mail from writers who’ve told me that my books and workshops got them published, broke them out, led to award nominations and more. I’m proud of that.

Two Teaching Strategies for Success

• First, I don’t teach theory but rather practical techniques that novelists use immediately on their work-in-progress. 
• Second, I push authors deeper, deeper, deeper into their characters, stories and intentions (themes). 

Story Masters participants should bring a work-in-progress, writing materials and lots of energy.  I look forward to mingling and talking, too.  Should be plenty of opportunities for that, provided anyone’s got any brain power left at the end of each day.

We’re discussing handouts now.  I may put together a selection of my story and character prompts—but they’ll be handed out only after folks have already used them!  There’s nothing like a handout to make you feel like you’ve learned something when, actually, it’s useless until you apply it and make it part of your daily practice.

And take advantage of the optional editorial appointments with various Freelance, Story-Development editors.  You should always  take advantage of an opportunity to get feedback from industry pros.  I say that even though I know that no one will come away from this workshop with a manuscript they still regard as “finished”

Diane:  You can also learn from Don at his next week-long, Breakout Novel Intensive in Louisville, KY, September 19 – 25, 2011.

Don’s Current Craft-of-Writing Books

From Diane, Pitch U Chief Alchemist (and evil genius):

Back in June, when I was wallowing (let’s face it, wallowing isn’t pretty) because all my friends were either at ThrillerFest nor RWA’s national conference (and I was not, which was the point), I found the ultimate consolation.

With a SQUEE OF DELIGHT I announced I’d be heading to the brand-y new Story Masters Conference in November 3 – 6, 2011. Donald Maass. Christopher Vogler. James Scott Bell. In one place. (Squee.)

But you need to understand why I’m excited. They teach advanced craft-of-writing, and there aren’t many teachers who do that. Most books, most workshops, they’re pretty basic. Maybe intermediate. But few are advanced.

This week, I bring you all 3 kick-ass, advanced teachers (Maass, Vogler, Bell legends in my bookshelf), plus some of the freelance editors who will also be present in Houston, this November.

(and pssst. You’re invited.)

Yesterday we introduced you to Despicable Tara, who looks so sweet, yet she’s got some wicked plans for our very new Indie U!!!

Indie U is the place for Independent Authors to cut through the millions of publishing details and career choices, make wise choices, and embrace quality.

Tara brings AWESOME experiences to her role as Despicable Muse.  She’s not only written (and published) thousands of articles, she owns her own business as a Freelance Editor.   Today, we’ll find out how she works with authors as a Freelance Editor.

Tara, Freelance Editor to the Stars (a.k.a. writers just like us)

Evil Genius Diane: Okay, Despicable Muse, tell us about being a Freelance Editor.  Some writers are blessed to have savvy, advanced critique partners, and others are not. They get rejected and don’t know why.  How can you help?

Despicable Tara: Let me tell you about a recent experience.  I had the chance to sit down and talk with a writer who needs a professional critique. She needs someone who can read her entire manuscript and provide detailed notes as to what works and what doesn't. The process is more intense than working with critique partners because it looks at things from an editing standpoint.

For example, I'll be looking at the voice to determine whether it is consistent throughout the novel, I'll be making sure she doesn't break any of the "rules" she's set up for her story, and I'll be checking the pacing for the story, as well as for each character.

In addition to providing her with a professional critique of her work, I'll be focusing on a list of questions she has about the novel, and I'll provide her with a complete analysis of the work. It's much more detailed than she would get with a critique partner or a Beta reader. Plus, I can have the entire thing back to her within a week.

As for editing, I believe that an author needs to celebrate at every stage of the writing process. I respect anyone who completes the first draft of a novel. I admire individuals who take their work to the next step by allowing me to help them find ways to make their work even better. That said, I don't sugar coat problems.

I worked with an author who needed to cut her entire first chapter. I gave her my professional opinion and provided several reasons why the chapter wasn't working. She wasn't sure she wanted to cut it, and I respected her decision. After she had received several rejections, she cut the first chapter — she got a request for a full.

To wrap up, I'm all about the writing. My goal is to make a book so real that readers will feel as though they stepped into the story. That, my friends, goes well beyond mere correction of grammar.

Evil Diane: Can writers continue working with you after your feedback? How does that work?

Tara The Despicable and Wise: I always follow up with my writers. If they are local, I schedule a half-hour conference. I also offer this for non-local clients; however, the meeting is by phone.

Additionally, I will answer any question that a writer has about my suggestions. I've had writers contact me six months to a year after I worked with them. And, of course, writers can always hire me to do follow-on work.

But does she Pitch?

Diane, laughs, “mwahahaha”: Okay, you know you can’t escape without confessing your pitching sins. 

Tara, fluttering her despicable eyelashes in an evil flirt: I find pitching easy to do if I start a project with a pitch in mind.

It is harder for me to try to find a pitch if I wait until the end of a project. I am a huge fan of "Save the Cat," by Blake Snyder. I try to incorporate conflict and primal responses in all my pitches.

Diane pauses amid her secret evil deeds:  Conflict?  Primal  responses?  Oh, you are despicable!

Everyone, please welcome Tara and spread the word. 

Indie U is going to tackle new ground.  There are a lot of sites about self-publishing.  We’ll be the first site to talk about strong authors making wise decisions, no matter which route they choose. 

Sign up (BELOW) to receive our posts in your Inbox and to receive our monthly newsletter with “first-to-know” information.

The Pitch Perfect Proposal, an on-going column by Erin Reel,

Keeping it Classy in your Competitive Analysis

Agents and publishing teams want to work with writers who, yes, are brilliant, creative and innovative, but who also have a firm grasp of their place within the book market and a healthy respect for those who’ve blazed the book trails before them.

Since most agents, editors and publishers have seen it all, they’re especially interested in learning why your book is unique and how it will complement other titles in the market. The Competitive Analysis section of your book proposal should accomplish three things:

1. Show there is a market for your book
2. Show which books compliment your book
3. Show how your book stands apart from the pack

When Cheryl Lage, author of Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice from Pregnancy Through the First Year, approached me with the proposal for her charming twins tome, I knew I wanted to work with her on developing the project further because as an expectant mother of twins, she read as many twin-centric titles as she could get her hands on - she knew the market from the trenches. She knew what info was useful, what wasn’t and what advice simply didn’t speak to women like her.

Through her personal experiences, she saw a hole in the market and felt compelled to fill it – which is usually the way most book concepts are conceived (no pun intended).

Let’s take a look at a few examples from the Twinspiration Competitive Analysis:

Two at a Time: Having Twins: The Journey through Pregnancy and Birth, by Jane Seymour, Pamela Patrick Novotny and Sheryl Ross (Pocket Books, 2001)

Two At a Time offers an entertaining celebrity perspective on twin pregnancy and birth. Unlike the average twin mom, her status affords her the flexibility of hiring twin management personnel. A fun read from a unique point of view…the People magazine of twin pregnancy books.

Short Take? While Two at a Time is entertaining, it’s celebrity driven and removed from the general readership’s reality.

During the time I shopped Cheryl’s proposal, celebrity twin pregnancies were hot in the media as was the twins and multiples baby-boom in the general public – which ultimately was a nice hook Cheryl used to place freelance work, further establishing her platform. Not to mention, there was a market for her work.

Celebrity driven “how-to” books are lots of fun but you have to consider why the book is selling when adding the title in your proposal – because of their name and status or because of the info/message? Usually, it’s the celebrity that is the hook, not necessarily the message. That said, the same rule applies when analyzing the work of celebrity authors as it does for the rest in the field, respect their book and analyze it as you would any other. Keep it classy.

Dr. Rachel’s Guide to Surviving Multiple Pregnancy by Dr. Rachel McClintock Franklin (St. Martin’s Press, 2004).

Despite her upbeat tone, the text includes more medical and less “hands on” advice. Although she is a twin mommy, most readers surmise doctors “know more,” and are subsequently better equipped to handle the challenges of twin parenting, however her text lacks thorough real-life advice and only covers pregnancy and the very first days.

Short Take? Despite all the helpful, much-needed info and medical perspective on pregnancy and the early days of twinfancy, the book lacks some much needed, every-mom accessible, day to day info about how to cope throughout that crucial first year.

Here, Cheryl pays respect to the Doc’s expertise but also highlights the need for the more hand-holding “every mom” advice new twin mothers so desperately need, which Cheryl learned through her experience as a mother of twins. Plus she popped in one of her unique twin-centric words, “twinfancy,” that she uses throughout her book and popular blog, giving the publisher a small flavor of her brand.

Twins!: Expert Advice from Two Practicing Physicians on Pregnancy, Birth and The First Year of Life, by Connie Agnew (HarperCollins, 1997)

I bought this book as a gift for a twins-expectant friend who prefers authority for her pregnancy prep. This is a good text for medical info and developmental progress, but not enough nitty-gritty/how –to-manage-with-twins advice. (Same friend called me regularly for tips on maneuvering once her twins were born.) I love this statement because it shows Cheryl respects the author and respects the wishes of those who would prefer a “medical” text to a chatty one. Ultimately, her friend found a need for Cheryl’s day-to-day twins know-how, which clearly illustrated the need for Cheryl’s advice in a very positive and compelling way.

So how is Twinspiration different?

The need exists for an encouraging, friendly book written by a non-doctor/every-mom that not only covers the pregnancy phase of twins but what to expect through the first year of their twins’ lives. Twin mommies need a text that reveals “what works” in that challenging first year. Hearing the owner’s approachable manual-esque tips, the “don’t try what I tried” mistakes, and the cheerleading “you can do its” from a woman just like them will reassure a tired twin mom as no doctor can.

Twinspiration will fill a present-day vacuum. Providing real-life glimpses of the happy and harrowing, joyful and juggling, this book will give the reassurance that “it can be done.” For a shell-shocked expectant mom, or a sleep-deprived new mom of twins, that is good news indeed.

Twinspiration sold and has become a must-have text on twins-mamas nightstands because it speaks directly to the every-mom experience.

In a sea of doctor and celebrity written books about twins, Cheryl saw the hole in the market and filled it. But what’s very important to note here is that Cheryl built her platform as that approachable “every twins mom” expert before this book proposal was offered to publishers. The rest of the proposal reflects this.

Keep It Classy

And finally, here are a few “keep it classy” tips to have on hand as you craft your Competitive Analysis.

1. Respect the authors with whom you compete – you wouldn’t want to offend their agent, editor or publisher. It’s a small world and you never know when collaborative opportunities may arise. Besides, how would you feel if someone dissed your book just to grab the spotlight?

2. Objectivity is your friend. When analyzing the other titles, highlight their strengths, weaknesses, how your book will complement those titles and fill the gaps others missed – remember your hook. It’s that easy!

3. Hyperbole is your enemy. Plus, it’s just not good writing. Stay away from words like never, always and all unless you are 100% certain your claims are accurate and you have the data to prove it.

4. Confidence is classy – if you’ve read most of the titles in your competitive analysis section, you’re showing an agent, editor and publisher that you have healthy confidence about your work - you’re not afraid to read the competition. You know you have a place in the market and you know you don’t have to attack another author’s work to earn your place on the shelf. Confidence is a writer’s best asset and publishing pros LOVE to work with writers who know their place in the market.

5. Be concise – four to six competitive titles will suffice. Objectively state the positive qualities of the competitive title, the qualities the title lacks and how your book differs.

6. It’s ok to use your “voice” here as long as it’s appropriate to the tone of your book. Cheryl’s tone was the chatty mama-next-door because that’s who she is and that’s the tone of the book. Just ensure that while you’re using your authentic voice, err on the side of professionalism. Professionalism is always classy.

This article is 5th in Erin’s series on writing awesome non-fiction book proposals (a written pitch for your book).

The detailed analyses and market planning are great tools for fiction writers, as well. To read more…

• Your Book Proposal: Give Them What They Want and Make Them Beg For More!
• 3 Guidelines for Creating a Title with Shelf Appeal
• Erin Reel: Getting Hooked by The Book’s Concept
• The Market – Know Your Audience to Hook Your Agent

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Erin Reel, The Lit Coach, is a former literary agent and a current Los Angeles based publishing and editorial consultant, editor and writing coach. Her blog, The Lit Coach’s Guide to The Writer’s Life offers weekly tips, stories and encouragement for writers from her own experience in the publishing industry and through exclusive contributions from bestselling, award-winning and notable authors, agents and other publishing professionals.

You can find out more about Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice from Pregnancy through the First Year by Cheryl Lage at twinsights.com.

Joel Q. Aaron is a fantasy writer, freelance editor, and active contributor in the PitchU forum. Visit Joel at his BLOG.

If Joel’s not writing, he’s fly fishing.

Heather: Hi, Joel. Thanks for joining us on PitchU today. Tell us about your passion for writing.

Joel: I love to create, and writing seems to fit perfectly. I started out as an art major in college. That turned to journalism and a job as a reporter. From there I’ve worked as a newspaper editor and communications manager. But while writing for a job, I didn’t take time to write for me.

I started chapter one of my first novel four years ago this fall. Two friends that are authors, W.C. Jameson and Laurie Wagner Buyer, kept asking me what I was reading and what I was writing. Since I had left my job as an editor, I hadn’t done much of either. One day at the coffee shop Laurie gave me homework. A couple months later they both told me I needed to seriously look at writing. I started the novel.

There are three works in progress on my computer. The first was my very first book, a fantasy adventure, and like all first books, it needs a significant revision. My second novel, a paranormal western, is done. Finished. Proofed and reproofed. The query is just about tweaked. So it’s time to start contacting agents. I began a third fantasy.

My critique group is awesome. We keep each other accountable, motivated and encouraged. To be a part of our group, everyone must be actually writing, willing to critique, have a real goal of being published. Those requirements set our group apart from so many other writing groups where anyone can join. Sure, we all need a place to start. But we also need a place to grow.

You make GREAT suggestions in the FREE Query/Pitch forum here on PitchU. How did you become so good at critiquing?

Believe it or not, I think I’m a natural critiquer. I’ve completed several personality profiles over the years and almost all of them list words like refiner or reformer. When I see something—a building, a dinner plate, or writing—I can usually visualize a way to make it better.

For a long time, I thought I was just a critical person. But I feel I’ve been able to use that ability (for lack of a better word) for good. I spent three years as the editor of two community newspapers. Every day I had to look for errors and ways to make the newspaper better. The staff and I won numerous awards during that time.

I’ve also judged a few writing competitions. I continue to use the judging criteria as I critique other writers. Though these things have helped me in my writing, I wish it was as easy to critique myself as it is others.

Time spent on different forums and blogs have helped me define what I feel a query should be. That’s too much to discuss here. Though in short, the query must tell us enough for us to want to read more.

Do you have any advice for others trying to improve their query & pitch writing?

My advice is to listen to agents and other writers as you put the query (or pitch) together, even if it hurts. But in the end, the final decision is up to you. If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t send it.

What’s your favorite part of what we do at PitchU?

Offering help—that’s what so many of us need as we work to get published.

Tell us the truth…. How do you feel about pitching? What obstacles did you have to overcome? What’s the easiest part for you?

I’m not a salesman. And that’s what we have to do with our writing, even if it’s an unnatural fit. I get a little uncomfortable when it comes to talking about my writing. Most people I know don’t know I write. In pitch sessions at writing conferences I’ve been able to sell it, but to me that is easy, because the agents are ready and willing to listen. I’ll need to refine my pitching skills for next season’s conferences if I want to intrigue an agent outside of a pitch session.

Have you participated in a PitchFest at PitchU?

I have not, but I’m going to. I just need to find the right agent first.

We’d love to know who the “right” agents are and invite them to PitchU. Be sure to let us know!

So tell us, Joel, do you think pitching is a different skill than writing a query letter? Does it have advantages, or are they interchangeable?

Definitely different. Writing and speaking are totally different gifts. If you have the speaking skills, it has advantages. But the words, phrases, ideas are interchangeable. We have to get the agent to want to read our novel in only a few words, spoken or written. We can’t continue to hide behind a computer screen and speak through emails. Eventually we’ll need to communicate verbally with agents and publishers. The key is to be able to do both.

What’s your personal motto?

I heard a quote from William James that I refer to a lot.

“The best use of one’s life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”

I don’t expect my writing to be listed with the great authors of the past. But I do think about how I’m spending my life as a husband, father and friend. Those aspects of my life will leave a lasting impact on my family and community.

What’s the wisest thing you’ve ever said?

Besides asking my wife to marry me, I’d have to say something about not knowing everything and then asking how to do those things. Whether it’s in writing or a life skill, a wise person has to acknowledge their limits or deficiencies and then ask for training or help.

How many conferences or writer’s events will you attend this year?

I’m sorry to say I didn’t go to any conferences this year. Plans are already in the making for next year. I’ve attended the Pikes Peak Writer’s Conference twice and both times it was great.

What skill is next on your list to learn?

I don’t know about any new skills. We can always continue to grow as people, artists, and writers. If we stopped growing, we’d stagnate, grow bored and that usually leads to trouble. By advancing our talents we naturally find ways to use it, to share it.

BONUS: If you had a personal pitching motto, what would it be?

Smile and nod.

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by Heather Webb

Heather is a historical fiction writer, but dabbles occasionally in YA. When she’s not writing by the glow of her coffee pot light, she’s chasing her gremlins, ogling kitchen gadgets, sampling wine, or on an airplane to her next destination. Her “real” job is the Executive Director of New England Virtual High School, an online school for teens.

After discovering Pitch U, Heather became hooked to its invaluable columns and wonderfully supportive staff.  When asked to become part of the team, she was thrilled! This is THE PLACE to be. You can also find her on the web at her BLOG for writing tips, recipes, and pop culture rants or follow her on Twitter.

From the Desk of Pitch U Minion Tina Moss:

Wow! It’s been a busy month at Pitch University! From Savvy Author feedback to PitchFest week with seven awesome agents and all the rest, we’ve run a marathon of pitching goodness! It is no wonder that the comments for June were fantastic.

Each month we’ll be reading your comments to find the most useful, insightful, heartfelt or inspirational responses to Pitch University articles. The top poster will be featured here along with honorable mentions.

The June Best Comment Award goes to...

... Candi Wall for her response to The First Step to A Killer Pitch or Query (part 3).

The article featured the third part in a series to creating a “killer pitch or query” in which the amazing Pitch University founder, Diane Holmes, works with six Savvy Authors to perfect their pitches or queries. Candi gave a neat and tidy ideal summary for creating a pitch. Here is her award winning comment:

“It's so easy when we write our pitches, to forget that the simple wording and turn-o-phrase we use in our writing can be as beneficial in pitching/querying.

I've gained a new mantra since coming to PitchU. It's ‘Short and sweet and to the meat!’

- June 6, 2011

Thanks Candi for giving us a new mantra at Pitch University!

In connection with Savvy Authors Pitch Practice Week, Diane Holmes kindly offered her services in helping writers perfect their pitches or queries. The Pitch University writing community also stepped in to offer their feedback in the comments section. Start with the article “The First Step to A Killer Pitch or Query (part 1)” and check out all of the feedback HERE.

Additional wonderful comments for the month of June come from our Honorable Mentions:

· From HD Elliott in response to PitchFest Interview & Feedback - Vickie Motter of Andrea Hurst Literary Management

“I couldn't agree more about waiting until kids are older to throw the classics at them. I read Charles Dickens in fifth grade and consequently hated him until I got into grad school (the good news is I wasn't permanently turned off). And the process needs to be gentler - a lot of people have this assumption that because they know how to read, they should be able to understand anything (especially if it's fiction). So when they dive into something that has English from another era or uses complicated literary devices, and they find themselves frustrated, they either a) blame the book as a bad book (the old "Charles Dickens was paid by the word" excuse - which, by the way, is not true) or b) blame themselves for being stupid (which is even worse).”

- June 21, 2011

Touching upon Vickie Motter’s interview answers, HD Elliott discusses the value of sharing classics with older students.

· From Jenna Wallace in response to PitchFest Interview & Feedback - Vickie Motter of Andrea Hurst Literary Management

“Check out the blog ‘Adventures in Children's Publishing.’ Every month, they do a First Five workshop. They take the first five submissions of the first 1250 words of a manuscript and then workshop throughout the month (all participants are expected to critique other works). I was lucky enough to participate in the April workshop and it was the best experience I've had!”

- June 21, 2011

Thanks for the tip on the First Five workshop from Adventures in Children’s Publishing.

· From Janie Bill in response to PitchFest Interview & Feedback - Vickie Motter of Andrea Hurst Literary Management

“Published friends of mine advised that agents expect to see the same writers submit queries more than once. They said agents anticipate someone who was rejected will later submit a fresh project because agents assumed writers improved their skills with each project.”

- June 21, 2011

Making a connection with an agent through the query process was a foreign concept to me. Thanks for the advice and for Diane’s follow-up comment about a writer success story!

· From Angelica R. Jackson in response to PitchFest Interview & Feedback – Lucy Carson with The Friedrich Agency

“A week or so ago, the participants in YA Highway's Road Trip Wednesday blogfest had fun with elevator pitches for already-published books, and there are some great examples there of how we would tell friends about each book.

If you go to http://www.yahighway.com/2011/... and follow the links in the comments, you can see what everyone did with them. And, possibly more valuable, sent people in the wrong direction when they guessed the title.  I did Anna and the French Kiss.””

- June 23, 2011

Thanks for sharing another great resource. These sample elevator pitches are awesome.

· From Saytchyn in response to Jennifer S. Wilkov’s Who Is Your Audience, Really?.

“It's easy to get sick of telling everyone who asks what your book is about. And sometimes, when you find yourself sick of this, it may be because you don't know the heart of your story yet.”

- June 30, 2011

Saytchyn reminds us that frustration can sometimes stems from not knowing your story.

And don’t forget to check out all of the feedback from our PitchFest week! Each agent gave their tips and suggestions on submitted queries. You can find all the links below with comments.

• PitchFest Interview & Feedback - Vickie Motter of Andrea Hurst Literary Management
• PitchFest Interview & Feedback - Kate Schafer Testerman with kt literary
• PitchFest Interview & Feedback - Jessica Alvarez with BookEnds
• PitchFest Interview & Feedback – Jenny Bent of the Bent Agency
• PitchFest Interview & Feedback – Lucy Carson with The Friedrich Agency
• PitchFest Interview & Feedback – Brianne Mulligan with Movable Type Literary Group
• PitchFest Interview & Feedback – Saritza Hernandez with L. Perkins Agency

By Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC

Over the years, Tom has collaborated on projects with Al Gore, Paul McCartney, philanthropist George Soros, peak performance expert Tony Robbins, jazz legends Miles Davis and Wynton Marsalis, Paul Newman, and many other major figures.

As a news producer, Tom produced stories for journalists including Diane Sawyer, Charles Gibson, Charlie Rose and the late Charles Kuralt. After two decades of experience working closely with these top journalists, Tom has developed a keen sense of how to shape a story for its greatest newsworthy potential. His many personal relationships with producers on a wide range of broadcasts -- from Oprah to Good Morning America -- ensures that his clients' stories receive full consideration by the media gatekeepers who have the power to put stories on the air.

(Read more about Tom, below.)

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Public Relations is no longer a one-way street.

It’s no secret that the advent of social media has caused quite a stir in the world of Public Relations. Before Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and the like, PR was a one-way street. You controlled the message and your story by carefully crafting Press Releases, preparing for television and radio interviews, and presenting valuable snippets to article writers.

Nowadays, PR has become a two-way street. You now need to manage not only the outgoing messages, but also the incoming feedback.

This is especially true for you as a writer. You have the chance to put yourself out there along with your book and interact with your readers.

Any publicity is good publicity… NOT.

“Any publicity is good publicity,” the old saying goes, but I contend that negative publicity through social media can be particularly damaging.

It’s not common to see articles in major publications citing instances of customers reporting negative experiences on Twitter or Facebook and receiving an immediate response from major corporations.

In the past, these customers would have had to spend hours on the phone with customer service representatives and then would only be able to share their poor experience with their friends and family.

Today, that same disgruntled customer can send out a 140 character rant on Twitter in an instant and share that same feedback with thousands. It’s no wonder that these companies have been kept on their toes since social media has become popular.

As a writer, you need to be prepared for this same sort of interaction with a disgruntled reader. You should turn a deaf ear to the negativity and resolve any issues that require attention.

What social networking has done is to support the rise of the individual. 

With social media, people have the freedom to share what’s really going on, and this goes well beyond the realm of customer service.

Social media has become the frontline of the news. As individuals watch history being made, they are able to participate in it in a real and substantial way.

The man who unknowingly tweeted about the raid on Osama Bin Laden’s compound became an overnight celebrity, albeit a reluctant one. In the Arab Spring protests against repressive regimes across the Middle East, social media played a huge role in mobilizing the people for revolution, particularly in Egypt.

This means it’s a great time for you to be a writer seeking publicity for your book! You have the chance to hear the voice of individual readers… and interact with them.  You have the chance to make “book history.”

The Right Tools.

There’s no question that social networking is valuable. The question today is, “What is the right way to use the tools that are available to me?”

When misused, social media can be particularly maddening. From relentless spammy tweets to the constant barrage of sale notices to requests from business associates on Farmville, there are myriad ways for your social networking efforts to backfire.

To be effective, it is essential to understand how to use social media as a continuation of the story you’re already telling.

The litmus test I always advise is to think about value.

• What takeaway value does this tweet or Facebook post or YouTube video provide?
• Is this something which people will be able to make use of in their lives, or will the value end once tomorrow’s sale is over?

It’s a common mistake to be too commercial. Remember the original spirit of social networking: to bring people together. Craft your messaging around that principle and you’ll be more likely to build lasting relationships through social media.

Here are some guidelines and tips for the major social media tools:

  LinkedIn. LinkedIn is a great tool for connecting with professionals who you otherwise may not have met. I keep an open door policy on LinkedIn and allow anyone who requests to join my network.

When creating your LinkedIn profile, be detailed and think carefully about the keywords you employ. There are a lot of freelance writers on LinkedIn who will search for experts on certain topics to quote in their stories. Make it easy for them to find you, and consider pitching your story to them directly.

I once was able to place a tango dancing friend on David Letterman by contacting the show’s head booker through LinkedIn. Unlike email, when you contact someone through LinkedIn, it’s easy for them to check out who you are and see if you’re legitimate, so make sure your profile speaks to your credentials.

Facebook. Facebook has a reputation for being more on the social end of the social networking spectrum, but don’t dismiss this tool without some thought.

Great stories are all about human emotion, and Facebook is a great way to create emotional connections. If you have a captivating emotional story which only got press on local news, for example, by posting a link to this story on Facebook, you have the opportunity to share it with thousands of people.

Also remember that you never know who your Facebook friends and fans know – many of my friends on Facebook are journalists, and when I post a link to an article or video about an interview my client did, these people are reading it and possibly sharing it with others in their field. A few loyal Facebook fans could lead to much more publicity than the best written press release.

Twitter. Twitter is a great way to share information like links to articles, videos, books, etc. However, Twitter is one tool which it is very easy to overuse.

Don’t feel obligated to post something new every day. Unless you are a Hollywood celebrity, your followers probably don’t care what you had for breakfast, but they do want to know when you’ve been featured on TV or read an article that they would find useful. Remember the value principle and ask yourself what the takeaway value is before you tweet.

YouTube. YouTube is a tool for posting video clips.  Whether it’s content you created yourself or a recording of you on TV, always remember to post a link to your YouTube video on other social networks (Facebook, Twitter, and even LinkedIn) if you want others to find it easily.

Expand your audience.

When it comes to PR, social media is often a double edged sword. It’s made the task of managing your public face more challenging, but it has also provided you with an opportunity to expand your audience like never before.

Just like traditional PR tools, if you always focus your social media messaging on adding value, you’ll be able to leverage these new tools to make lasting connections, impart your story, and get noticed

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This article is 7th in a 9-article series by the experts instructors at The Next Bestseller Pitching Workshop. (There’s no financial link between this and Pitch U, just a shared mission to become awesome at pitching.)

The Next Bestseller is a hands-on workshop devoted to high-level, expert training to pitch your book to the book publishing industry,Hollywood, the media and even readers. This is for writers who want to be “breakout” authors.

• August 19 – 21, 2011 – New York City, NY
• November 4th – 6th – Miami, FL

1. Why Talking About Your Book… Is Your Hook by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
2. 9 Tips For The Perfect Pitch by Literary Agent Katharine Sands
3. Why Pitches Fail by Lane Shefter Bishop CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment
4. YOU, the Author; YOU, the Image by Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, LS Image Associates
5. Craft an Exceptional Elevator Pitch By Penny Sansevieri, Author Marketing Experts
6. The Three Rules for Pitching & Presenting Your Project By Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division
7. How Social Media Has Revolutionized Author PR by Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC
8. Social Media’s Pitching Resources for Writers, by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
9. Pitching *IS* Word-of-Mouth by Diane Holmes, Founder Pitch University

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A leader in the field of New York public relations, Tom Martin has spent 20 years as a producer with a number of leading news organizations in New York City including CBS News, ABC News, and CNN.

The goal in establishing Tom Martin Media is to provide clients with highly-personalized service and solid journalistic experience.

Tom is especially pleased to work with many clients whose mission is to make a difference in the lives of others and to the planet.

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by Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division, Film Producer, Acting Coach, the Founder of The Actors Institute, and the Creator of The Mastery of Self-Expression Workshops.

Since it began in 1976, the MASTERY of Self Expression workshop has been conducted in over 25 cities worldwide for more than 15,000 people from all walks of life.  Other Mastery courses include Performers Mastery, Leadership Workshop, and The Abyss.

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As head of Comedy Development, I went to the network.  I pitched over 500 shows to all sorts of executives from the head of comedy to the president.

I managed over twenty writers who were under contract, and my job was to get them on the air.

Based on that, I developed three rules:

1. Write what you know. What you are passionate about, what you care about. Not what you think the network wants.

2. Be prepared. I made sure they worked hard on their presentations – from practicing them over and over again to putting them on camera. It did not matter how many shows they produced or what credits they achieved, they had to be prepared so their presentation came easily and naturally.

3. Finally, they needed to get their message across to the network executives. My motto became: “Over there (the network executives) is more important than over here (we, the studio executives).” It’s not enough to communicate your ideas. You need to watch them land and have the executives grasp them in order to sell and be on the air.

Example

From my own personal experience as a producer, I found a book, Walk Me To The Distance. It was an offbeat story about a Viet Nam veteran who was looking to find a home. I worked diligently with my partner on how we wanted to adapt it.

We broke it down into simple sections that could be easily grasped. Nothing like it was being done at the time. I was passionate about it and I had the opportunity to pitch it to someone who I knew would be receptive to it, the head of NBC, Brandon Tartikoff.

He bought it in the room. Out of our commitment and him getting it, I was able to write and produce it.

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This article is 6th in a 9-article series by the experts instructors at  The Next Bestseller Pitching Workshop.   (There’s no financial link between this and Pitch U, just a shared mission to become awesome at pitching.)

The Next Bestseller is a hands-on workshop devoted to high-level, expert training to pitch your book to the book publishing industry,Hollywood, the media and even readers. This is for writers who want to be “breakout” authors.

• August 19 – 21, 2011 – New York City, NY
• November 4th – 6th – Miami, FL

1. Why Talking About Your Book… Is Your Hook by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
2. 9 Tips For The Perfect Pitch by Literary Agent Katharine Sands
3. Why Pitches Fail by Lane Shefter Bishop CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment
4. YOU, the Author; YOU, the Image by Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, LS Image Associates
5. Craft an Exceptional Elevator Pitch By Penny Sansevieri, Author Marketing Experts
6. The Three Rules for Pitching & Presenting Your Project By Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division
7. How Social Media Has Revolutionized Author PR by Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC
8. Social Media’s Pitching Resources for Writers, by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
9. Pitching *IS* Word-of-Mouth by Diane Holmes, Founder Pitch University

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Dan Fauci is the Creator of The Mastery of Self-Expression Program, the Former Head of Comedy Development at Paramount Pictures, a Film Producer & an Artist.

Over twelve years he pitched more than 500 shows to television executives including the heads of the networks with the writers under contract at Paramount. He oversaw the development of over 100 comedy pilots, half of which went to series. The most successful was Frasier, winning five Emmys for Best Comedy.

Other shows he developed include Becker, Clueless, Girlfriends, Lateline, Sister, Sister and many others. He just finished filming a web series called Whole Day Down which he executive produced and acted in.

By Penny Sansevieri, founder of Author Marketing Experts

Penny C. Sansevieri, CEO and founder of Author Marketing Experts, Inc., is a best-selling author and internationally recognized book marketing and media relations expert. She is an Adjunct Professor teaching Self-Publishing for NYU. She is the author of five books, including Red Hot Internet Publicity which has been called the “leading guide to everything Internet”

The Core of Your Book

What is an elevator pitch and why do you need one?

An elevator pitch is a short one- to two-sentence description about the book. It's the briefest of the briefest descriptions you can develop.

The reason elevator pitches are important is that we have an ever- shrinking attention span, so you need to capture someone's attention in a very short, succinct pitch.

How do you begin crafting an elevator pitch?

The first step is to look at the core of your book. What is your book about, really? Looking at the core of your book will help you determine the primary message.

The next step is to look at the real benefits to the reader. Not what you think the reader wants to know but what they actually need: What's in it for the reader?

When I worked with people on elevator pitches, I found that they often kept the best sentence for last. This comes from being an author and saving the crescendo of the story until the final chapter. You don't want to do that in an elevator pitch. You want to lead with the tease that will pull the reader in.

When would you use an elevator pitch?

You might use it to promote yourself to the media, to book a speaking event, or to pitch a blogger. Elevator pitches can be used for a number of reasons and in a variety of ways. Once you create a great elevator pitch, you may find yourself using it over and over again. That's a good thing!

Components of a great elevator pitch

All elevator pitches have particular relevance to them, but for the most part, every elevator pitch must:

• Have emotional appeal

• Be helpful

• Be insightful

• Be timely

• Matter to your reader!

Essential Elements of a Powerful Elevator Pitch

1. Concise: Your pitch needs to be short, sweet, and to the point.
2. Clear: Save your five dollar words for another time. For your elevator pitch to be effective, you must use simple language any layperson can understand. If you make someone think about a word, you'll lose them and the effectiveness of your elevator pitch will go right out the window as well.
3. Passion: If you're not passionate about your topic, how can you expect anyone else to be?
4. Visual: Use words that bring visual elements to your reader’s mind. It helps to make your message more memorable and brings the reader into your story.
5. Stories: People love stories. It’s the biggest element of the elevator pitch: tell the story. I also find that when the pitch is woven into the story, it often helps to create a smoother presentation.

How to Craft Your Killer Elevator Pitch

• Write it down: Start by writing a very short story so you can tell the story of your book in two paragraphs. This will get the juices flowing. As you start to edit your story down from 200,000 words to two paragraphs, you'll start to see why it's important to pull only the most essential elements from your story to craft your elevator pitch.
  
• Make a list: Write down 10 to 20 things that your book does for the reader. These can be action statements, benefits, or book objectives.
  
• Record yourself: Next, record yourself and see how you sound. I can almost guarantee you that you will not like the first few drafts you try. That actually is a really good thing. If you like the first thing that you write, it probably won't be that effective. Recording yourself will help you listen to what you're saying and figure out how to fine-tune it.
  
• Rest: I highly recommend that you give yourself enough time to do your elevator pitch. Ideally you want to let it rest overnight, if not longer. Remember the elevator pitch is perhaps the most important thing that you created in your marketing package. You want to make sure it's right.

Having a prepared “pitch” for your book will help you enormously, whether you are pitching the media, an agent, a publisher, or even a bookstore. Having a short, concise pitch will get and keep someone’s attention and also, increase your chances for a positive desired outcome.

Keep in mind that if your elevator pitch is tied to current events, it might change as events change. A good elevator pitch can be fluid, but it should always be an attention grabber. In a world cluttered with information and filled with noise, the shorter and more focused you can be, the more exposure you will get for your message!

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This article is 5th in a 9-article series by the experts instructors at  The Next Bestseller Pitching Workshop.   (There’s no financial link between this and Pitch U, just a shared mission to become awesome at pitching.)

The Next Bestseller is a hands-on workshop devoted to high-level, expert training to pitch your book to the book publishing industry,Hollywood, the media and even readers. This is for writers who want to be “breakout” authors.

• August 19 – 21, 2011 – New York City, NY
• November 4th – 6th – Miami, FL

1. Why Talking About Your Book… Is Your Hook by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
2. 9 Tips For The Perfect Pitch by Literary Agent Katharine Sands
3. Why Pitches Fail by Lane Shefter Bishop CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment
4. YOU, the Author; YOU, the Image by Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, LS Image Associates
5. Craft an Exceptional Elevator Pitch By Penny Sansevieri, Author Marketing Experts
6. The Three Rules for Pitching & Presenting Your Project By Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division
7. How Social Media Has Revolutionized Author PR by Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC
8. Social Media’s Pitching Resources for Writers, by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
9. Pitching *IS* Word-of-Mouth by Diane Holmes, Founder Pitch University

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Penny Sansevieri, founder of Author Marketing Experts, is one of the leaders in the publishing industry and has developed some of the innovative Social Media/Internet book marketing campaigns.

AME is the first marketing and publicity firm to use Internet promotion to its full impact through The Virtual Author Tour™, which strategically works with social networking sites, Twitter, blogs, book videos, and relevant sites to push an authors message into the virtual community and connect with sites related to the book’s topic, positioning the author in his or her market.

AME has had ten recent books top the bestseller lists including New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal. To learn more about Penny’s books or her promotional services, you can visit her web site at http://www.amarketingexpert.com.

By Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, founder of LS Image Associates

Lauren is a BONUS trainer at The Next Bestseller  Workshop.

She’s the trusted image advisor to CEOs, millionaires and business start-ups alike. President of LS Image Associates in New York City and author of Image Matters! First Steps on the Journey to Your Best Self, she is…

• the former Vice President of Professional Image Development at Chase Manhattan Bank;
• creator and lead instructor of the professional skills workshop, The Brand Called Me, at the New York University Stern School of Business;
• the creator of the American Management Association’s seminar, The Power of your Professional Image;
• a faculty member of the Image Consulting Certification Program at the Fashion Institute of Technology; and
• President Emeritus of the Association of Image Consultants International (AICI).

Authors are powerful.

What is an author, really?

Initially, an author is one who puts thoughts into writing for others to read, accept, challenge, or ponder.  Ultimately, an author is viewed as an expert, an authority, one who influences, specializes, teaches, permits, mandates or sanctions. An author has power in society where the average individual does not.

What is an image? An image is a picture, a visual representation, a reflection, an impression, or the way one is seen.

An image has power to communicate that which the individual may not.

Authors will spend hours, days, and months agonizing over the “look” of their book, the image — the cover, the interior layout and design. Each piece of their creation must align to support the message being created by the words on the page.

Finally, when the “big day” arrives, the book is on the shelves and you, the author, are sitting in the studio of the local TV station waiting to hear the host introduce you, speak your name, YOU, author of this book, the expert, the specialist and authority…and, there you are, for all the world to see…what do they see?

Does the world “see” the expert, specialist and authority? Or, do they see John, the local hardware guy, or Sarah, the lady who runs the garden shop around the corner. If your book is your hook, can you show up and reel them in?

More and more authors are discovering the importance of “showing up” to promote their books and ultimately, themselves. Your book is only your hook.

What the world really wants is YOU.

We want to see you, hear you, touch you and connect with you. Whether you're pitching an agent or publisher or just talking with someone casually about your book, we want you to be one of us, be yourself, and yet be one step beyond. Engage me, intrigue me, interest me and I will buy your book.

If I connect with you, I will make extra effort to connect with your book.

Your public presence is critical for your success.

That presence may be reflected in a live appearance, a photo in print or electronic media, or by your voice alone. Your book will be your hook. It will introduce you.

So, when someone asks you “What’s your book about?” it’s your opportunity to show up as the expert you truly are.

Your image will introduce you. It will tell the world how you see yourself and how to receive you. Let your image work for you. You will experience, without a doubt, the power of the timeless partnership between the verbal and the visual – the author and the image.

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This article is 4th in a 9-article series by the experts instructors at  The Next Bestseller Pitching Workshop.   (There’s no financial link between this and Pitch U, just a shared mission to become awesome at pitching.)

The Next Bestseller is a hands-on workshop devoted to high-level, expert training to pitch your book to the book publishing industry, Hollywood, the media and even readers. This is for writers who want to be “breakout” authors.

• August 19 – 21, 2011 – New York City, NY
• November 4th – 6th – Miami, FL

1. Why Talking About Your Book… Is Your Hook by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
2. 9 Tips For The Perfect Pitch by Literary Agent Katharine Sands
3. Why Pitches Fail by Lane Shefter Bishop CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment
4. YOU, the Author; YOU, the Image by Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, LS Image Associates
5. Craft an Exceptional Elevator Pitch By Penny Sansevieri, Author Marketing Experts
6. The Three Rules for Pitching & Presenting Your Project By Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division
7. How Social Media Has Revolutionized Author PR by Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC
8. Social Media’s Pitching Resources for Writers, by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
9. Pitching *IS* Word-of-Mouth by Diane Holmes, Founder Pitch University

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Lauren Solomon is the Career TV image expert and an image industry spokesperson. She has been featured on Lifetime Television, MSNBC, CNN-fn, WOR and Voice America Women radio. She has also appeared in The New York Times, New York Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health Magazine and other publications.

Solomon is the recipient of the AICI's 2005 IMMIE Award (the highest professional honor) for Leadership and Professionalism and the1996 Award for Outstanding Achievement. She holds a Master in Business Administration from New York University and is certified as an image consultant in Global Image, International Protocol, Advanced Corporate Training, Interpersonal Communications, Professional Etiquette, Color Assessment.

By Lane Shefter Bishop, CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment

Lane is a multi-award-winning producer and director - including an EMMY, three Tellys, a Videographer Award, a Sherril C. Corwin Award, two Aurora Awards, a New York Festivals Award, and the DGA Fellowship Award for Episodic Television.

Currently, Ms. Bishop is the Founder/CEO of Vast Entertainment, a book- to-screen company specializing in the adaptation of literary material for film and television. As such, she has had the pleasure of working with many notable authors including Sandra Brown, Robert K. Tannenbaum, Rachel Vincent, Lee Nichols, Robyn Carr, Mark Terry, Anne Perry and many others. (Read more about Lane below.)

In my experience, pitches typically fail for 3 main reasons…

#1  First of all, pitches fail because the writers don’t do their homework.  By that, I mean they haven’t checked that the company or agency they are pitching to is in fact the right home for their material. 

I deal with this issue all the time because I get daily queries from writers asking if I’ll read their screenplay.  If they had only done their homework, they would have found out that I have a book-to-screen adaptation company that only takes in novel submission, not screenplays. 

Homework of this nature is easy to do (my focus is listed right on my website) but it’s also critical, because without it a writer’s pitch can end up being a big waste of everyone’s time. 

#2  Pitches fail because writers don’t take the time to make a solid 1-line logline.

I personally spend about 2 hours to create the perfect logline before I pitch a project.  Trust me when I say that this is time well spent because the effort it took to craft that premise in just the right way can be the difference between a sale and a pass. 

“Can you sell it in a sentence” is still truly the most important element in having a successful pitch. 

If the crux of your story is not clear in that first premise sentence, you’ve lost the excitement you could have generated from your audience about hearing the rest of your pitch.  You’ve also told them that they should prepare themselves for an unclear and possibly meandering story. 

#3 Pitches fail because they lack structure. 

When being pitched, most executives or agents at companies want to hear the piece told in a concise, clear fashion that emphasizes the uniqueness of the characters as well as the arc of the story. 

It is therefore imperative that each section of the pitch help drive that main action and also build the suspense of what’s coming next.   The conclusion should be tight and fulfilling, tying up all loose ends in a creative way. 

When pitches become long, rambling, unfocussed or confusing, that writer is done.  And there are no second chances with a pitch. 

Writers must put your best pitch forward the first time, or lose the opportunity they could have had all together.

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This article is 3rd in a 9-article series by the experts instructors at The Next Bestseller Pitching Workshop. (There’s no financial link between this and Pitch U, just a shared mission to become awesome at pitching.)

The Next Bestseller is a hands-on workshop devoted to high-level, expert training to pitch your book to the book publishing industry, Hollywood, the media and even readers. This is for writers who want to be “breakout” authors.

• August 19 – 21, 2011 – New York City, NY
• November 4th – 6th – Miami, FL

1. Why Talking About Your Book… Is Your Hook by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
2. 9 Tips For The Perfect Pitch by Literary Agent Katharine Sands
3. Why Pitches Fail by Lane Shefter Bishop CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment
4. YOU, the Author; YOU, the Image by Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, LS Image Associates
5. Craft an Exceptional Elevator Pitch By Penny Sansevieri, Author Marketing Experts
6. The Three Rules for Pitching & Presenting Your Project By Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division
7. How Social Media Has Revolutionized Author PR by Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC
8. Social Media’s Pitching Resources for Writers, by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
9. Pitching *IS* Word-of-Mouth by Diane Holmes, Founder Pitch University

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Lane Shefter Bishop began her career producing and directing projects for networks including ABC, Showtime, HBO, and MTV, then transitioned to feature-length motion pictures, including the much-acclaimed film The Day Laborers.

Under the Vast Entertainment banner, Ms. Bishop has secured multiple high profile projects including: TV movies The Girl's Guide to Witchcraft, Operation Married by Christmas, and Dating the Devil (all at ABC Family), and Fringe Girl (Disney Channel); television series including The Savannah Reid Mysteries(Lifetime) and Hizzoner Buzzy Young (Cineflix); and the feature films The Duff (McG/Wonderland), Ghost Keepers (Sid Ganis/ Out of the Blue Entertainment), Stray (Evolution Entertainment), and Hemlock (Akiva Goldsman/Weed Road).

Every one of these projects is based on a book.

A literary agent with the Sarah Jane Freymann Literary Agency, Katharine Sands is a judge and panelist at The Next Bestseller, a 3-day workshop with top industry experts from book publishing, Hollywood, and the media.

Dates: New York City on August 19th-21st, 2011; Miami on November 4th – 6th, 2011.

She’s also the agent provocateur of Making the Perfect Pitch: How to Catch a Literary Agent's Eye, a collection of pitching wisdom from leading literary agents.

Practicing PitchCraft®

Writing about your writing and speaking about your writing is every bit as important as the writing itself. You have to put as much attention, as much passion, and as much crafting into your pitch as you do your project.

Today media folk are proactively looking for projects. This is as true for random meets as it is for conference speed-dates.

Random meets can be a wonderful way for writers to find opportunities and for agents to source new clients. As a writer you are always going to be asked to introduce your work, to share your enthusiasm for your writing, and to get others excited about what is exciting to you.

Face-to-face meetings are an important part of conference culture. This kind of opportunity – to introduce yourself to a literary agent at a conference or in-person meeting - does afford you an opportunity to impress an agent in ways you might not expect or anticipate.  My dowser rod starts to hum when I come across an author-to-be.

When I listen to pitches…

Agents cannot digest the entire scope of your work in one go. Initially, we read or listen in to identify elements and look for sparks, for alchemy, to have a response, to have a reaction.

For me to undertake a new client I have to know that I want to have 110 conversations about their project.

What is Your Book About or Tell Me About Your Work means: 15 minutes is yours to shine in. Use the time any way you feel gives you the best insight into what you would like to accomplish by sharing your writing with readers. If your goal is publication, The Next Bestseller™ Workshop is designed to give you the chance to practice Pitchcraft®, to hear feedback, to explore the possibilities....

Here are 9tips to help you rivet your reader:

1) Remember: Your reader - or listener - has not yet read the book.

While yours may be an intriguing premise, you need to use this as an opportunity to really bring the story to life, fictive or for your own personal journey, and to deliver on your promise on your mission statement.  For example, if you speak of humor and satire, but I don’t find any humor or satire in the pitch, I will rule you out as a good wordsmith.…and I might be wrong.

2) Live by the golden rule of pitching: Show, Don’t Tell.

You want to use the pitch to deliver enough of the flavor of the book to whet the reader’s appetite for more…

It may be cleverly outlined and structured as a book, but the pitch must hook the reader (me) to want to read it.

3) Practice the Pitchcraft™ formula:

        Place, Person, Pivot…

• Where do you take me (what is the story universe?)
• Who do I meet (and why do I care about their story?)
• How do I enter the story at a lively, dramatic, interesting place?

4) Don't open with the nadir (because you know your character will be doing something great by Chapter 4.)

Make sure you don't introduce a dull version because you assume we will be wowed by the shift in later chapters; we may never get there. The main protagonist should not be first seen with a mind-numbing job or having hit rock bottom.

5)  Give a visual snapshot -- fast

When you introduce any kind of information in a pitch (for example, the character’s personal life), you must define it.  Remember, you have watched the movie at the keyboard; your readers haven’t.

I don’t’ know if your hero is thirty or sixty, gay or straight…human or alien…or a poodle…if I don’t get a visual, your character’s story isn’t as engaging as it might be.

6) Ask yourself: have you taken me in, introduced a character and shown me why I want to spend time in this world?

Your pitch will succeed if I can remember the three elements: Place Person Pivot so that I might repeat them back to you.

7) Don't begin with theme before we know the story

Leading with theme as a key concept is a mistake.  To begin on the note of theme is a shift away from the story, and it is the story thast must hook us.

Pitch point: a pitch (or  query letter) must cohere – it has a job to do - you are building a case for reader interest.

It costs you to shift to the theme of, say, self-transformation or redemption or the power of dreams before your reader has had the chance to become involved with your character's journey and why we want to take it with him/her.  Story is what sells me.  The story is the character's journey.  Theme rarely illuminates a pitch, because theme words, such as redemption are vague and overused.

8) Identify the Ideal Audience

When it comes to pitching prescriptive non-fiction, you want to pose a problem and a solution, with the book –this book – being shown to be the solution.

Many writers make the mistake of hammering home points about the problem without marrying it to the book as the solution for its ideal, intended audience. This ideal audience (for example: the sandwich generation of women) should be your lead point, defining a specific market that you introduce in the context of what your book offers.

Make sure to have statistics serving you here as much as statistics can when wielded to demonstrate the specific need for the book. When I look at numbers, I think:

a) Can we really measure your problem/solution?

b) How do we measure the reader need?

c) Where do these figures come from and what do they really illustrate in terms of what a book-buyer needs?

Infotainment and edutainment are very popular buzzwords, but you must immediately show why this is an infotaining book. 

• How does it show a warm, accessible, wise, insightful voice that readers would relate to?
• What can we learn from you about how to handle this life problem?
• What do I do differently after I read your book? 
• What could I not figure out without you?

Show how much texture, how much scope there is to the subject: What are three quick tips or hints of the ‘practical, no-nonsense’ advice to come?

Your pitch will succeed if there are immediate tips, if the ‘take away’ is information that resonates.

9) Put Your Own Backstory Aside

New, questing-for-agent writers would do well to put all of their backstory aside and not share any of it with prospective agents. Why?   Because it does not work. It will not impress. It will not get a good result. 

Ill-tempered agents want to be seduced, charmed, engaged and won over, not bored with real-life concerns. I tell writers to be on one long first-date with a potential agent and later with their editor, to speak as if they are on a radio show at all times.

Of course, when you work with people, especially in a boutique firm like Sarah Jane Freymann Literary Agency, there is a lot of personal contact. As your agent, I am going to know if your parent or pet is dying, if your marriage is on the rocks, or if the IRS is going to levy your ex as this affects our work.

But - I confess - most commission-based agents have little patience or sympathy for the time involved and the difficulty of trying to create with the kids tugging and the demands of day jobs.  Yes, it is difficult to juggle, but there are obstacle courses in every career. As a writer you have to make a decision to surmount these, to overcome everything to pursue your dreams.

Writing commercially has probably been a bane to writers since Pliny the Elder plied the trade. But the truth is that today, writers can have the magical imagination of J. K. Rowling, the wit and wisdom of Frank McCourt, the perfect economy of Ernest Hemingway, and the inspired brilliance of (whoever really wrote) Shakespeare. Yet they still need to pitch, query, and propose before they can get published. 

The Next Bestseller™ Workshop focuses on what writers need most when they enter the literary arena: a hands-on guide to how they can navigate the "how to get published" landscape. It's all about finding the right words and getting the right people to read them.

Come and learn our best ideas so you can make the perfect pitch for yours.

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This article is 2nd in a 9-article series by the experts instructors at The Next Bestseller Pitching Workshop. (There’s no financial link between this and Pitch U, just a shared mission to become awesome at pitching.)

The Next Bestseller is a hands-on workshop devoted to high-level, expert training to pitch your book to the book publishing industry, Hollywood, the media and even readers. This is for writers who want to be “breakout” authors.

• August 19 – 21, 2011 – New York City, NY
• November 4th – 6th – Miami, FL

1. Why Talking About Your Book… Is Your Hook by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
2. 9 Tips For The Perfect Pitch by Literary Agent Katharine Sands
3. Why Pitches Fail by Lane Shefter Bishop CEO & Founder, Vast Entertainment
4. YOU, the Author; YOU, the Image by Lauren Solomon, AICI, CIP, LS Image Associates
5. Craft an Exceptional Elevator Pitch By Penny Sansevieri, Author Marketing Experts
6. The Three Rules for Pitching & Presenting Your Project By Dan Fauci, Former Head of Paramount Pictures Comedy Division
7. How Social Media Has Revolutionized Author PR by Tom Martin, Tom Martin Media, LLC
8. Social Media’s Pitching Resources for Writers, by Jennifer S. Wilkov, Radio Show Host
9. Pitching *IS* Word-of-Mouth by Diane Holmes, Founder Pitch University

First, a word from Diane Holmes, Founder of Pitch U

I’m so pleased to bring you this 9-part series from the creative force behind The Next Bestseller™ workshop, Jennifer Wilkov. This 3-day workshop is like Pitch University for the Big Leagues. 

It’s the workshop *I’d* like to attend.

Why?  Because the trainers at The Next Bestseller are an amazing group of folks at the top of their profession, from a Former Executive at Paramount Pictures to the Past President of the Association of Image Consultants International.

Jennifer has pulled together a “dream team” to help those writers (who want to breakout on a national and international scale) learn how to pitch their book to the Media, Industry Pros, Readers, Corporate Buyers… literally anyone!

• New York City – August 19 – 21, 2011
• Miami – November 4 – 6, 2011

And for those not able to attend, this series is a small taste of “being there.”  (By the way, I’m not financially involved in this workshop in any way.  It’s just awesome, and I want to share that with you.)

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Writing is what we do, but pitching it?  Priceless.

By Jennifer S. Wilkov, “Your Book Is Your Hook!”

Most of us are comfortable with writing our books, articles, social media posts and other freelance projects. Many are uncomfortable when we have to then talk about them with others.

Thoughts abound such as:

• “What do I say?”
• “How can I win them over?”
• “Why can’t I say it just as easily as I can write it?”

Talking about your book may be an even more significant step than writing it – or a super close second. You may be thinking: how could you say that?!

Think about this: if I meet you at a networking meeting, a writers conference, a wedding, a bookstore, on line at the grocery store, on a plane, or in a writers group, I’m inevitably going to ask you, “What’s your book about?”

That is a signal that for the next minute, you have my attention and the opportunity to “hook” me. You can’t do it in writing. You’re going to have to talk directly to me… and talk me “into” your book.

If you’re not compelling and competent with talking about it, I’m going to get bored or distracted by other thoughts or ultimately excuse myself politely from the conversation.

What I want to know is, really…

• What’s your book about?
• Why did you write it?
• Is it your first book?
• When is it going to be published?
• Or when did it come out?
• Recently? Or a few years ago?
• Is it a series?
• And why are YOU writing it? and on and on and on.

I have 1 million questions; you have 1 minute to hook me with what you’ve got.

In order to be a bestseller, you’ve got to do more than just write a great book. You’ve got to be able to find the language to share what you’ve written with someone else, whether they are an industry professional or not.

If you can’t talk to me about it, how confident am I going to be in:

• Your ability to promote it?
• Introducing you to professionals I may know like agents or editors or publishers?
• Inviting you to speak about it at my next meeting, event, bookstore or library program, or conference?
• Asking you to send me more information about it like a query letter or sample pages?
• Your capacity to provide a great guest blog post about it for my site?

The English language is a challenge for us all – whether we have to speak it or write it. As a writer, you have signed up to meet this challenge – and master it.

Don’t stop short by just writing a great book.

Learn how to talk about it effectively so you can truly hook me with your book. You can do it!

** Enjoy hearing from my training colleagues from The Next Bestseller™ Workshop this week on Pitch University. The Next Bestseller™ is a safe place where you can learn how to talk more concisely and effectively about your book with anyone in any situation by doing it with the guidance and individual feedback from industry professionals. **

Jennifer S. Wilkov: Jennifer S. Wilkov is a best-selling, award-winning author, an award-winning freelance writer, a speaker and trainer, and a Literary Agent Matchmaker™ who focuses on supporting writers with the essentials to become a bestseller: a great project, a strong platform and a well-polished pitch, presentation and hook for their book. 

She is also a recognized media spokesperson for Project Night Night, a non-profit organization that delivers Night Night packages to homeless children in shelters across the nation which include a children's book, a stuffed animal and a blanket, and proudly supports Heifer International's Read to Feed Program which helps children in schools to understand that they can make a difference for others by reading. 

Your Book Is Your Hook! is her full service consulting practice that serves authors, writers and wannabes as well as the entire book publishing industry with its endeavors. Best known for its popular weekly radio show, robust resource blog, trainings including The Next Bestseller™ Workshop and advice including the new uniquely positioned service as a Literary Agent Matchmaker™. 

Through the popular radio show named after her practice, "Your Book Is Your Hook!", which can be heard every Tuesday morning at 9:00am on WomensRadio.com and the accompanying show blog at YourBookIsYourHook.com/blog, Jennifer S. Wilkov brings her experience and knowledge of the book business and the people in it as well as her understanding of the author’s experience from conceiving the idea to getting it published to her loyal listeners each week.

She also leads a weekly book marketing and promotion chat for the popular SheWrites.com (http://www.shewrites.com) community for women writers and she is a faculty member for Pitch University (http://www.pitch-university.com) where she teaches writers to pitch and sell their books to agents, editors, publishers, publicists, booksellers, speakers bureaus and, most of all, readers.

Twitter: @urbookisurhook
Twitter2: @litmatchmaker

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Here at Pitch University, experts teach you how to hawk your book to agents and editors. But you’ve decided to self-publish your Great American Novel, so you think you don’t need to know how to pitch. Right?

Wrong.

You Need a Spiel.

Any time you put a product up for sale, you’re going to need a spiel.

It sounds crass, I know, but publishing is a business. Like it or not, if you want to sell your book (or preferably books), you still need a pitch. But in the case of self-publishing, your direct target is readers, so there’re five differences in your audience that you need to address.

5 Key Differences When You Pitch to Readers

1) Readers want to buy a book.

Unlike agents and editors who are looking for a reason to reject you due to their enormous slush piles, your potential reader is actively looking for your product.

This means you need to place the book where they can find it, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post. So let’s assume you’ve got the e-book or print copy in an appropriate retail environment, and you’re posting the news on your social networks.

2) Know your genre/subgenre.

While agents and editors do focus on particular areas, they also have to keep an eye on the industry as a whole to decide what they can sell.

But, your potential readers have probably decided on a particular type of book when they peruse the shelves of a brick-and-mortar store or when surfing the internet store. They don’t care if westerns are out and sparkly vampires are in. If they want WWII time-traveling alien G.I., then dammit, that’s what they want to read. And hey, that’s exactly what you’ve just published!

However, you’ll need to focus on a dominant aspect of your book in order to place it in the appropriate sales area. There’s a reason Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark-Hunter series is considered romance and Kim Harrison’s The Hollows is placed in fantasy in the brink-and-mortars.

In an online environment, you’ll need appropriate tags for your reader to find you.

3) The title and cover are 40% of your pitch to your reader.

As a writer seeking traditional publishing, you don’t send a cover to the agent or editor. (Yes, I know children’s picture books are an exception, but for now, let’s focus on written manuscripts.) And often, if you sell the book to a traditional publisher, their marketing department will usually change the title.

Study the covers of successful books in your genre/subgenre. What do they say to you?

The cover of the shirtless guy in a kilt says something totally different to a reader than the woman in leather with a tramp stamp peaking out from under her tight shirt. Paying someone with a clue on how to use Photoshop is money well spent.

Study titles as well. They need to help you stand out without confusing the reader. They also need to be relatively short. If you have a paranormal young adult, you don’t want to call it Twilight Teens (Twilight will always belong to Stephenie Meyer’s fans). And definitely not The Year the Weird New Kid with the Really Pale Face Asked Me to Prom.

Googling a potential title can help you eliminate some problems.

4) The blurb/description is another 40% of your pitch.

This is the next thing your potential reader looks at. It’s also an area where similarity strikes between your query letter to agents or editors and your blurb to your reader.

You still want to stay in the 250-word range. You still want to show and not tell. But with readers, you can be a little vaguer (they don’t want their experience ruined by you revealing who the killer is), but not much.

Study the back covers or online blurbs on the books you’ve bought. What made you want to open the cover and check out that first page?

5) Have a sample available for the reader.

By now, you should have your fishy potential reader nibbling on the worm very curious about your work.

Again, this is a time where the agent/editor/reader pieces mesh. Just like when you send the first three chapters with your query letter, you’ll need sample chapters available for your potential reader if your story is an e-book or your reader can order your print book online. @0-30% is generally recommended.

Hopefully at this point, your pitch—genre, sub-genre, title, cover, back cover blub, and sample--is successful, and you’ve snagged your reader. Now, they can’t wait to purchase and read the rest of your book!

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Suzan confesses she grew up on a working farm in Ohio Amish country, though she’s not Amish.

Mucking out pig stalls gives a girl lots of time to make up stories, but with a practical family, writing wasn't considered a practical employment option. However, according to her Career Line on her palm, she’ll have three primary careers in her life. Writing is the last one.

She currently lives in southeastern Texas with a husband who believes writing is a practical career option, a kid who thinks she’s too enamored with zombies, and a beagle who wants his belly scratched.

When you write and rewrite and craft your book, you are writing for the audience who you believe will read your book.

When you craft the pitch for your book, consider who your audience is now….

The truth is: your audience is going to vary depending on whom you are talking to.

When you talk to those you meet, whether they are professionals in the industry or not, you may notice that they all have the same question, “So, what’s your book about?”

As you talk with more people…

• from the person on the bus or plane sitting next to you
• to the other writers in your writing group
• to the nice people you meet at a table at a wedding reception
• to the literary agent you have an appointment with at a writers conference

…your job is to sell, sell, sell your book.

It Is What It Is…

though it may feel as though EVERYONE is your audience, be clear about who your book is really targeted for and what genre it’s in.

Don’t attempt to make it all things to all people. It is what it is – and people who ask you about it just want to know what it is.

If it’s not for them, remember, they are walking around with a whole address book and social network online that is full of people who may be in your target market or who may be a professional who can help you take the next step.

Think ABC

As salespeople will tell you, the general rule is “A-B-C,” which stands for “Always Be Closing.”

What you don’t want to do is be overselling and talking, talking, talking, talking about your book.

Our attention spans are so short these days that the best way you can talk about your book with anyone is in small, short, concise bites…like sound bites for the media.

To do this, you need to practice your pitch and craft it so it sounds conversational, not breathy and nervous. The more you say it, the more it becomes part of you.

After all, practice makes perfect!

You can do it!

See you next month!

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Jennifer S. Wilkov: Jennifer S. Wilkov is a best-selling, award-winning author, an award-winning freelance writer, a speaker and trainer, and a Literary Agent Matchmaker™ who focuses on supporting writers with the essentials to become a bestseller: a great project, a strong platform and a well-polished pitch, presentation and hook for their book.

She is also a recognized media spokesperson for Project Night Night, a non-profit organization that delivers Night Night packages to homeless children in shelters across the nation which include a children's book, a stuffed animal and a blanket, and proudly supports Heifer International's Read to Feed Program which helps children in schools to understand that they can make a difference for others by reading.

Your Book Is Your Hook! is her full service consulting practice that serves authors, writers and wannabes as well as the entire book publishing industry with its endeavors. Best known for its popular weekly radio show, robust resource blog, trainings including The Next Bestseller™ Workshop and advice including the new uniquely positioned service as a Literary Agent Matchmaker™.

Through the popular radio show named after her practice, "Your Book Is Your Hook!", which can be heard every Tuesday morning at 9:00am on WomensRadio.com and the accompanying show blog at YourBookIsYourHook.com/blog, Jennifer S. Wilkov brings her experience and knowledge of the book business and the people in it as well as her understanding of the author’s experience from conceiving the idea to getting it published to her loyal listeners each week.

She also leads a weekly book marketing and promotion chat for the popular SheWrites.com community for women writers and she is a faculty member for Pitch University, where she teaches writers to pitch and sell their books to agents, editors, publishers, publicists, booksellers, speakers bureaus and, most of all, readers.

We have some outstanding news!

For our September PitchFest, we are going to start including live, “virtual” conferencing, where you can see the agent or editor in real time, and you can give your pitch directly to her or him!

Finally, we’ll have something that truly mimics what a Pitch is: a conversation between two people.

Here’s what you’ll need in order to participate:

• a computer.
• a built-in or external working webcam.
• a built-in or external working microphone.
• or a friend who has these.

The software to run this type of conferencing is not free, so to fund this, we’ll offer some bonus classes at a low price.  We hope you’ll be so excited about the topics that it’s a no-brainer to purchase them (and help us defray expenses).

But the PitchFests, the articles on PitchU, the Case Studies, and the Forums will always be free.

How Brave Are You?

If you submitted a video pitch or query to last week’s massive Pitch Fest, you’re off the chain. That’s what we’re saying.

You’ve just earned yourself some street cred.

Getting feedback from 6 or 7 agents sounds like a dream opportunity (and it is), but it can also feel like a firing squad.  It takes strength to hear feedback and to learn.

You got strength, baby.  You got it.

Use this badge on your website, FB page, or get it tattooed on your “guns.”

Behind the Curtain at a Pitch U PitchFest.

We work hard to give as many writers a chance at receiving expert feedback as possible, as explained in our Rules under the “Yes, You May…” subheader.

We had a tremendous submission rate to our June PitchFest, and we want to give you some idea of how we chose submissions. 

Here are the questions we asked ourselves:

• Did we hit the agent/editor cap for type of entry? If not, you got in. Five agents did not reach their cap in the June PitchFest.  Authors had a 100% chance of getting feedback.
  
• Is it complete?  If yes, did you have Romance U priority? After those were accepted, we selected entries that were complete, based on timestamp until the cap was reached.
  
• Is it “in progress”?  Did you have Romance U priority?  After those, then non-priority by timestamp.
  
• Finally, we looked to see who had submitted multiple entries (for different projects, of course), regardless of complete status. 
  
  If an author (with multiple submissions) had multiple entries chosen, we looked to see if any of those entries were for an agent who had reached her cap.  If so, we removed the entry from that agent. 
  
  Since the author was already getting feedback from an agent (or 2 or 3) who didn’t reach her cap, we opened this slot to allow more writers to access agent feedback. 

Free Feedback Offer

If you submitted a pitch video that wasn’t chosen for feedback during out last PitchFest, and if you’d like some free feedback, write me (see Contact page), and I’ll do a quick eval.

I know it’s a huge effort to put together a video.  I’ll let you know what you’re doing well, and what your next steps are.

Pitch Perfect Proposal

Quick! Who is going to buy your book?

How many of you quickly listed at least 5 target markets for your book? Great start. And how many of you could confidently list 10 or more? Fantastic!

Knowing a book’s market, also known as target audience, is what distinguishes a writer with a great concept from a writer with a saleable concept. Guess which concept the publishers want to put a book jacket on?

While nonfiction publishers cover a lot of ground, subject matter wise, they are not necessarily experts in your field. That’s YOUR job. And agents have even less expertise with your subject matter unless you happen to find an agent who also survived culinary school by the skin of their knuckles, has spent years studying the migration pattern of the California Blue Whale or has learned the ins and outs of fashion at the knee of Anna Wintour herself.

Agents sell books. Ok, they do a lot more than that, but their job is to sell your book to an editor who really has seen it all. And provided the editor likes your concept and sees the book’s hook, said editor will have to turn around and convince an entire publishing team that your book will SELL to as many viable audiences as possible.

Show Off Your Target Audiences

So now it’s time to “show, don’t tell” as the classic writing craft adage goes. Here’s how:

• Use bullet points to clearly highlight the most ideal markets for your book.
  
• Be specific about your markets. If you’re writing a book about how to achieve success as an entrepreneur, target industries where entrepreneurs thrive: small business owners; social media consultants; business consultants; branding consultants; technical industry; restaurateurs; etc. These are the people likely to buy your book.
  
• Research what you don’t know. It’s impossible to know everything, so find compelling statistics to back up the power and size of your markets.
  
• Use visuals. If a chart or graph will clearly illustrate important information about your markets, include it.
  
• List only the facts. Never assume anything about your markets and of course, never fudge stats or present totally fabricated support material.
  
• Name names. What professional organizations or societies support your markets?
  
• Suggest secondary markets by listing key facts in support of the main market(s)

Resist the urge to discuss how you’re going to sell to these markets. Save all that juicy info for the Promotion section.

And finally, for those of you working without an agent because you’re writing for a specialty market and are sending your work to a team who already are well versed on the research and trends in your field, include the market information anyway. It’s never safe to assume an editor knows what you know. You’re the expert.

Bottom line: to hook an agent, the size of your audience needs to be clearly presented in black and white and most importantly, they need to be a book buying audience.

This article is part of Erin’s series on writing non-fiction book proposals (something that’s of great value to fiction writers as well!).  To read more…

• Your Book Proposal: Give Them What They Want and Make Them Beg For More!
• 3 Guidelines for Creating a Title with Shelf Appeal
• Erin Reel: Getting Hooked by The Book’s Concept

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Erin Reel is an editorial and publishing consultant, writer’s coach, blogger, columnist and former Los Angeles based literary agent. Visit her website at thelitcoach.com.

Okay, while I recover from last week’s PitchFest (wasn’t it fabulous!), I wanted to share this awesome 4-day workshop I’m going to in November called StoryMasters. 

(Most of my peeps are in New York City at the RWA National Conference this week or will be heading to NYC for the ITWs ThrillerFest VI the week after.  I’m tempted to dramatically throw myself across the chaise and bemoan my lack of writerly fun and education.  But being rather pragmatic, I will just chant, “StoryMasters! StoryMasters! StoryMasters!” and gleefully give the Donald Maass, “Mwahahaha.”)

So, here’s the scoop:

• 3 of the best writing teachers in the nation. (I love these guys, and have considered their texts a crucial part of my study for many years.)
  
• 4-day Advanced Craft-of-Fiction, hands-on Workshop.
  
• Run by Lorin Oberweger, who Pitch U already knows and loves!
  
• Houston, Texas near Houston International Airport/Bush.
  
• Optional 1-on-1 consultations with editing professionals
  
• Special price of $399 if you sign up before July 3oth. (And the hotel is really, seriously cheap.  I think it’s like $108, or something like that.  For a metro area, that’s a bargain.)

Whew, I feel better already.  This is going to be a fan-freaking-tabulous experience.  PLEASE JOIN ME!

If you want to meet up with me in November, I’ll host a special Pitch U Peeps party so we can hang out and have a chance to chat face-to-face.

I’ve really love to meet you guys in person.  It’s been a wild six months, and it feels like I’ve known you forever. :)

Thursday: Christopher Vogler - THE WISDOM OF THE BODY

How the Hero's Journey Triggers the Emotions of the Audience

Christopher Vogler, author of THE WRITER'S JOURNEY: Mythic Structure for Writers and co-author of MEMO FROM THE STORY DEPARTMENT, has helped major filmmakers and studios find the mythic dimension in their work, and he can do the same for your screenplay or novel manuscript.

Friday: Literary Agent, Donald Maass - 21st CENTURY STORY

How is fiction evolving in the 21st Century? How can novelists write with high impact in an age of low attention spans?

Author and workshop leader for The Breakout Novelist, Don’s hands-on, immersive workshop demonstrates advanced methods for creating strong story events, plot layers, parallels, reversals, symbols and gripping themes. Coupled with those are techniques for constructing depth of character and sweeping character arcs.

In addition, this workshop shows how to break free from genre boundaries, go beyond "brand," shed outdated techniques and elevate what is both unique and universal in one's stories. The best of 21st Century fiction technique is available now. This workshop hands you the tools.

Saturday: James Scott Bell – BEYOND NUTS AND BOLTS

In this workshop you'll learn…

• The LOCK System for your novel
• What makes for a compelling lead character
• How to get reader emotions involved
• The one essential secret to a high stakes Objective
• How to create the strongest Confrontation possible
• What it means to knock Out the reader at the end
• A deeper understanding of structure
• The Disturbance
• The Doorways of No Return
• No dull parts
• Scene structure
• One key concept that will supercharge any scene
• Finishing touches
• A system for revision so you don't miss a trick
• The final polish

Jim is the author of these key craft-of-writing texts: Plot & Structure, Revision & Self-Editing, The Art of War for Writers, and Writing Fiction For All You’re  Worth.

Sunday: Panel discussion with all three Story Masters

Special analysis of TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, plus Q&A!

Optional

One-on-one sessions with industry experts:

Available to a limited number of students—meetings with story experts/long-time independent editors Lorin Oberweger, Brenda Windberg, Jason Sitzes, and others.

These industry experts will review your novel’s first fifteen pages, along with a two-page (single-spaced) synopsis, and meet for a thirty-minute discussion of your novel’s strengths, weaknesses, and overall marketability.

FMI: go to Lorin’s website, Free-Expressions.

This Member Spotlight Interview- by Minion Heather Webb.

Hi Haley. We’re so happy to have you here on PitchU today! Tell us about your passion for writing.

I’ve been writing seriously since 2005. I primarily write historical fiction for all ages; however I’ve begun branching out into fantasy and sci-fi. I belong to three critique groups—one locally and two online.

I am always looking for beta readers because you can never get enough feedback! I am also involved in the Writers Unboxed and YA Sisterhood Facebook groups. I have a blog Soldiering through the Writing World where I post current thoughts and tips generated from my writing journey.

What’s your favorite part of Pitch University?

I discovered Pitch University through Twitter and my favorite part of the site is your forums. Writing is often a lonely craft and it is wonderful to get help from and give help to fellow writers. My favorite posts are the case studies. They are so educational!

Pitch-University’s FREE forum- Get query & pitch feedback from other writers and our experts

Case Studies- Read the amazing progress happening here at PitchU

Tell us the truth…. How do you feel about pitching? What’s the easiest part for you?

I’m nervous about pitching. First time I did it was at a conference last year. The biggest obstacle I had to overcome was crafting a pitch from my query, but the easiest part turned out to be the delivery. I captured the agent’s interest because she said that I clearly had passion and knew my stuff.

It’s always comforting to receive positive feedback from an agent. Go Haley! So how have the PitchFests here at PitchU helped you?

The biggest thing I’ve learned by participating in Pitch U’s PitchFest is that every word of your pitch matters. Make sure each word conveys your intended meaning and packs a punch.

Is pitching a different skill from writing a query letter?

Pitching is different than writing a query because it is more concise. Pitching in person requires public speaking skills. It has the advantage of showing your passion more than words on a page.

Have you made a pitch video?

I haven’t made a pitch video because I have yet to figure out how to operate a web cam.

I’m sure one of us can help you in the name of getting your pitch out there. J What’s your biggest fear in doing a video pitch?

My biggest fear would be to make a fool of myself for the whole world to see. I do hope to submit a pitch video in the future because I know it will help me improve my pitches.

Let’s interrupt the seriousness of this conversation for a little fun personal information. What’s your personal theme music?

The River by Garth Brooks. It describes my writing journey and mindset perfectly.

How many conferences or writer’s events will you attend this year?

At least 4.

What skill is next on your list to learn?

How to better write body language and how to use a web cam ;)

If you had a personal pitching motto, what would it be?

You gave life to this story. Don’t over think the pitch. Just let it come from the heart!

Thank you, Haley. Good luck with your writing and at your conferences this year. We’ll see you in the forums.

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by Heather Webb

Heather is a historical fiction writer, but dabbles occasionally in YA. When she’s not writing by the glow of her coffee pot light, she’s chasing her gremlins, ogling kitchen gadgets, sampling wine, or on an airplane to her next destination. Her “real” job is the Executive Director of New England Virtual High School, an online school for teens.

After discovering Pitch U, Heather became hooked to its invaluable columns and wonderfully supportive staff.  When asked to become part of the team, she was thrilled! This is THE PLACE to be. You can also find her on the web at her BLOG for writing tips, recipes, and pop culture rants or follow her on Twitter.

From the Desk of Pitch U Minion Tina Moss:

Each month we’ll be reading your comments to find the most useful, insightful, heartfelt or inspirational responses to Pitch University articles. The top poster will be featured here along with honorable mentions.

Away we go! The May Best Comment Award goes to... 

... Lisa Tener for her response to “Your Book Proposal: Give Them What They Want and Make Them Beg For More!” by the Lit Coach, Erin Reel.

This article featured a guide for creating your non-fiction book proposal. It asked writers to answer four distinct questions when creating the proposal.

Lisa added to the discussion by reminding writers to include the market for the book and the platform the writer has already established. Here is her award winning comment:

“A great summary of what makes a proposal pop. I often suggest making clear up front who the market is and the size of the market, if appropriate. And if an author has a big following, it can be a successful strategy to drop the most stunning fact about a writer's platform up front. Lead with the fact you were on Oprah...but tell it as a story, for instance.”

- May 18, 2011

Thanks Lisa for adding your insight into creating a book proposal.

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Pitch University supporters are an AMAZING community of writers. They’ve offered their feedback on various queries in response to Diane Holmes article “Working on YOUR Book’s Pitch: Genre, Story Hook, and Setting Expectations.” There were too many GREAT comments to choose from, so check them all out HERE.

Additional wonderful comments for the month of May come from our Honorable Mentions:

· From ClaudeNougat in response to Pitching at Midnight: The Layers of Your Pitch.

“Brilliant advice and I just tweeted about it! Indeed, good YA is multilayered, and my favorite YA author, Carlos Ruiz Zafòn, does precisely this sort of thing - like Christie Craig, only the setting is dark, mysterious, Gaudì-crazy Barcelona (he's Spanish).
They have both understood in depth what it is that makes a good story! Zafòn points out that YA novels need to bring up basic existential issues that provoke and stimulate Young Adults...He thinks they are more demanding than adults!

– May 26, 2011

Thank you for introducing us to a YA author and sharing your thoughts on the genre.

· From Ginger Simpson in response to What Is It Like to Consult with a Literary Agent?

“Great article, and I have done and continue to do what you've suggested; I recently signed up for Six Sentence Sunday and if you want to get blog exposure, that's a way to do it. I spent the entire day trying to leave a comment on each of the 114 blogs listed there. If you're looking for a certain type of voice in the reading you prefer, check out the site, join or just follow the links to read the six shared sentences of others.”

– May 15, 2011

I love the idea for Six Sentence Sunday! Thanks for informing our audience about this fun blogging forum.

From Diane, Founder of Pitch U:

Our very first “massive” PitchFest (a.k.a. The June MG, YA, & Romance PitchFest in partnership with the awesome Romance University) is coming to a close today with the witty & delicious Saritza Hernandez, literary agent with L.Perkins  Agency.

Saritza is a great deal of fun, and she has some insightful feedback for our PitchFest writers. 

Her schedule is really tight right now (hey, RWA Nationals is next week!) so she won't be able to take questions, but show her some love and thanks in the comments, okay?

As a recap, we’ve gotten insights from Literary Agents Jenny Brent, Kate Schafer Testerman, Brianne Mulligan, Lucy Carson, Jessica Alvarez, and Vickie Motter.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting a salute to our Video Pitchers.  These writers have participated in building their careers this week, and that deserves a separate post. :)

Meet The Industry Pro:

Name: Saritza Hernandez

Company/Title: L. Perkins Agency, ePub Agent

Length of Time In Industry: 10 years, 1 year as agent

Conference Pitch Confessions:

Here’s why I really go to conferences and take pitch appointments:

To meet with other agents and editors as well as new authors.

Here’s how I wish writers would approach their time with me:

Be passionate about your story and make me feel it the minute you sit down with me. Pitching your baby to anyone is nerve-wracking but I don't bite… Not too hard at least. ;)

Of the appointments I take…

• _85_% know their genre/sub-genre when asked (and their pitch reflects that genre).
• _15__% know how to pitch and give good pitches that impress me.
• _60__% seem scared out of their gourd.
• _10__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are due to having an good pitch alone.
• _5__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are because I worked hard to get information out of the writer.
• _10__% of writers are comfortable having a conversation with me and answering questions about their books.
• _10__% of writers come across as being ready for publication.
• _99_% seem like nice people despite all other issues.

When I get home…

• _50_% of manuscripts I request are actually sent.
• _50__% of requests are sent within 30 days.
• _80__% of the requests sent do, indeed, reflect what I though the story would be about.

Query Religious Argument:

The title, genre, and wordcount belongs…

• ___ Before the book “pitch” paragraphs
• ___ After the book “pitch” paragraphs
• _X_ Makes no difference to me
• ___ I don’t read the query first, and that information is a minor consideration
• ___ Other:

Background:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

I've always wanted to work in the publishing industry and consider myself the Adam Richman of publishing. While he's held every job in the food industry, I've held almost every job in the publishing industry. Started out in journalism while in college, then desktop publishing (design), then textbook publishing (everything from editorial assistant to tech support) but being an agent is where I've felt most at home.

I love talking about my clients' projects and when a manuscript keeps me up at night, I'm pitching that puppy to everyone and anyone!

Where can we meet you in person (conferences, workshops, conventions, etc.)?

I'll be at the Florida Writers Association in October and RT 2012 in Chicago.

Lighten the Mood and Get to Know You:

If you could name a coffee drink and have it become famous… what would you name it and what would be on it?

The Saritza Mocha Latte would have four shots of Puerto Rican espresso, dark chocolate syrup, steamed milk and whipped cream with ground chocolate-covered coffee beans sprinkled on top. Man, I want one now!

PitchFest Feedback

Autumn Dove - It's difficult to hear you and I had to replay it several times to get the gist of the story. Make me excited about your story and tell me why your vampire romance is different from all of the rest. I'm a bit confused about the horse, for example. Is he more than a horse? If so, how does that tie into the story? Is the cougar attack part of your climax or conflict? I couldn't tell so I was left with more questions than answers. As is, there's not enough in the pitch to make me excited about the story so it would be a pass for me.

Chantee Hale - Great use of visual aid in the background. Just remember to keep more eye contact and make your pitch as intriguing as your story. I don't represent YA so this would be a pass for me.

Elizabeth Michels - What a great voice and open expression! While the pitch is clearly memorized, she brings all of the points across well and it's definitely an intriguing premise. I didn't get a good sense of your hero from your pitch. Why did he flee and does it come back to bite him in Charleston? I'm looking for more erotic romance at the moment however so this would be a pass as well.

Janie Bill - Good job on presenting the story though I recommend making the pitch less wordy. It seemed long and while she kept good eye contact throughout the video, the verbal missteps made it difficult to follow. I don't represent YA so this would be a pass for me.

Jenna Wallace - Great pitch with a clear and distinct story! Were this a romantic suspense, I would definitely be interested in reading a sample of the manuscript.

Jesi Lea Ryan - The bird in the background is distracting from the pitch and I'm a little confused about the story. I think the verbal hiccups in this one also took away from getting the point of the story across. This story feels more like a YA than a romance though it's pitched as such so I would work on pitching the romantic elements of the story and the heroine's love interest. I was a bit taken aback by the fact her twin sister's death is not considered the toughest thing in the heroine's life. Remember to use better lighting when filming. This is another pass for me as I don't represent YA.

Michael J. Lee - I think this pitch would be better if he left the camera on the table and sat in front of it. The title is catchy but the premise, another vampire romance, is what makes it a pass for me. Also, while I make my preferences clear in my submission guidelines, telling the agent this is "everything you want" is off-putting in a pitch so I'd remove that from the pitch in the future. This one is a pass for me.

Misty Dietz - This premise is intriguing but I didn't get a sense of a true suspense or romance from your pitch. Flawed girl meets fallen hero while being chased for answers neither want to give is too twisted a plot to make me want to see more.The flaws in the heroine and clichéd characters make this story a pass for me.

Sonali Mayadev Thatte - This is a good pitch and I have always loved the idea of second chance at romance. What can I say? I'm a sap when it comes to best friends finding each other again and strengthening the bond between them to lead to romance. I would be interested in reading a synopsis and the first five pages of the manuscript.

Taylord Lunsford - This pitch is short, rushed and cut off at the beginning but it packs a punch nonetheless! The premise is interesting but the repetitive "frog" instead of prince doesn't tie in with the Roman gods motif of the story so it kinda threw me for a loop there. Slow down when you pitch and make sure to highlight the major plot point of your story. It's a great concept and I would be interested in reading a synopsis and the first five pages of this one as well. I would also suggest categorizing it as a paranormal romance or contemporary romance with paranormal elements.

From Diane, Founder of Pitch U:

A warm welcome to Brianne Mulligan and a Happy Friday morning to all!  We have two fabulous agents this Friday morning.

Brianne will be answering questions here (in the comments of this post) between 11:00 a.m. – Noon EDT.

Lucy Carson will be answering questions in the comment of her post between 10:00 a.m. – Noon EDT.

I recommend you open two windows and experience these super agents in stereo. :)

Meet The Industry Pro:

Name: Brianne Mulligan

Company/Title: Agent, Movable Type Literary Group

Length of Time In Industry: 6 years

Clients/Titles/Claims to Fame: I’m relatively new to agenting, but I worked as an editor within Penguin and Random House. I have a handful of great clients, but I’m still building my list.

When Pitching to Me:

What should Pitch U writers include in their pitch to you? Their query letter?

Well, pitch and query letter are usually the same. It should include the standard info: title, genre, word count, one to two lines that express the concept, and a short plot description—plus the first ten pages of your manuscript.

Conference Pitch Confessions:

Here’s why I really go to conferences and take pitch appointments:

For the opportunity to discuss the industry and the market with other people as passionate about it as I am.

Here’s how I wish writers would approach their time with me:

It’s not the end of the world if you don’t pitch your project perfectly, or if I don’t respond to it in the way you’d hoped. Consider the feedback, ask questions about pitching and the publishing process in general, and hone your pitch when you get home. Don’t approach a conference as a chance to land an agent—it’s really more of a learning experience, and an opportunity to arm yourself with skills and knowledge that will increase your chances of finding representation through querying after the conference.

Query Religious Argument:

The title, genre, and wordcount belongs…

• ___ Before the book “pitch” paragraphs
• ___ After the book “pitch” paragraphs
• __x_ Makes no difference to me
• ___ I don’t read the query first, and that information is a minor consideration
• ___ Other:

Industry Pro Scenario:

You’ve found a book you love, and now you represent the author and must sell it to a publisher.  Take us through your process:

First, I worked editorially with my client to make sure the manuscript is the best it can be before we submit to editors. If revisions are necessary, I’ll use that time to talk the novel up to editors when I have the opportunity (over lunch, drinks, etc.) as something exciting that’s on the horizon. Those who ask to see it when it’s ready will be on my submission list, as well as others who might be a good fit because of the kinds of books they acquire.

Once the manuscript is ready to go, I’ll pitch by either phone or email depending on my relationship with the editor, but usually email (I always preferred email as an editor). Even when I connect first by phone, I always follow up with the written pitch.

There are three main things I try to convey in a pitch: 1) As concisely as possible, what is the concept of the novel? 2) Where does it fit into the current market and to what successful books could it reasonably be compared? And 3) How is different and special? Then I’ll include a short description that will probably sound like flap copy. (I got a lot of practice writing that as an editor!) Sometimes it will include lines from the author’s original pitch.

A lot of my pitching experience comes from presenting books internally during my time as an editor. If I pitch it right as an agent, I could be making it easier for an editor to envision presenting the book to their sales forces, as they’ll eventually have to do.

Background:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

I started on the editorial side, first working on adult non-fiction, and later on fiction for teen and middle grader readers. The two areas are very different, and I was lucky to be able to make the jump. (I thank my old boss at Razorbill for giving me the chance.)

At a certain point, though, I started to crave a little more freedom—freedom to work on any book that I loved, regardless of whether it matched our imprint’s sensibility or there was room for it on our small, very selective list. After some great conversations with Jason Ashlock, founder of MTLG, I decided to make another jump—and I haven’t regretted it.

Where can we meet you in person (conferences, workshops, conventions, etc.)?

I’ll be at the Rutgers One-on-One Children’s Conference on October 15. I may still commit to other, local conferences this year, but I can’t travel far because I have a newborn.

Pitching Insights:

What’s the difference between a book that should sell but doesn’t and a book that actually sells?

That’s THE question, isn’t it? I’d say in most cases it has to do with timing and what’s working in the market. Maybe the market is saturated with a certain kind of novel (not an ideal time to be pitching the great American vampire novel, for example…), or perhaps the opposite: there’s not enough of a demonstrated audience for a particular kind of book.

But sometimes there’s no easy answer. We call those our “heartbreak” books. Happily, I think this is going to be a lot less common now that publishing has entered the digital age. Some agencies, like ours, are finding ways for these books to see publication—without becoming publishers ourselves, but also while helping authors avoid the stigma of self-publishing. Stay tuned…

Lighten the Mood and Get to Know You:

If you could name a sandwich and have it become famous… what would you name it and what would be on it?

I didn’t invent this, but I love baked Brie cheese and green apple slices on a French baguette. Delicious combo. Let’s call it…the Big Advance-wich.

If you could command any writer (living or dead) to write a book of your design, who would you choose and what would she/he write?

Can I pick Oprah?

Who do you admire most in the publishing industry?

Aw, that’s tough. I rarely meet a person in this industry that I’m NOT impressed with. Lots of smart and creative people—happy, too, because most of them love their jobs!

PitchFest Feedback

Query Letters

Carolyn Chambers Clark, author of FOGGED MIRROR, a 59,000 word young adult mystery.

Thanks for your query, Carolyn! Now let’s dissect it…

I’m always looking for a high-concept novel with a fresh hook. “High-concept” can be a confusing phrase because it SOUNDS like the opposite of what it is. A high-concept novel is actually a pretty commercial novel. As a general rule, if you can express the premise of your novel in one sentence, then it qualifies as high-concept (e.g., “THE NANNY DIARIES is humorous look at Manhattan society from a nanny’s perspective”). And often what makes a pitch successful is that very thing: being able to convey the concept of your novel in as few words as possible.

That said, two sentences is okay! In this pitch letter, it sounds like you’re trying so hard to summarize your book in one sentence that you’ve ended up with a bit of a run-on. It’s also reading as more of a concise plot synopsis than a pitch. You’ve told me what’s going to happen in the novel, but not what the book is. It’s a middle-grade thriller, right? Go ahead and call it that.

You’re giving us a lot of details that are not vital to your pitch (we don’t need to know that it’s “summer vacation,” that the protagonist is on a trip with “his little sister and parents,” that a “cool tour guide” will be involved, et cetera). I’m paraphrasing here, but you could say something like: “In this middle-grade thriller, fourteen-year-old Dave McClain gets caught up in an assassination attempt while vacationing with is family in Paris; now it’s up to him to untangle a murder plot and keep an international crisis from erupting.” You should make it prettier, but that’s the general idea.

Once you’ve pitched the concept in your opening paragraph, then you should describe the plot a little more fully in the next paragraph or two. In this letter, we’re actually not getting enough information. By the end of the query, I should have some idea as to why the book is called THE MYSTERY OF THE FOGGED MIRROR. Currently I have no idea what the mirror has to do with anything.

Include only the most impressive aspects of your writing experience, and no need to mention parenting or volunteer experience with the age group. Finally, you make reference to two other books—have you written these already, or are they just ideas on how you might continue the series? It’s not clear to me, and when I don’t feel like an author is able to express his or herself clearly in a query letter, I worry that the novel will need a lot of work.

Carrie Spencer, author of CAPTAIN FANNY PACK, a 30,000 WORD MIDDLE GRADE*

Hi, Carrie. Terrifically pitched! A few notes:

I love a good X meets Y pitch. It’s a great way to highlight how your novel fits into the market, but also how it offers something unique. I’m always looking for a novel that puts a new spin on something familiar. One note: don’t be afraid to put that part of the pitch in a full sentence. My only other note is that the two things you’re comparing (Inspector Gadget and Jimmy Neutron) actually seem pretty similar to me. Think about comparing one of those two things to something else--something distinctly different--that highlights another aspect of the story.

Otherwise, it’s a successful pitch. You’ve expressed the concept, given us just the right amount of plot info, and captured a nice, playful tone. Would I ask to take a look? Well, I’m on the fence. But that’s not the fault of your pitch. Even the most perfect pitch isn’t going to speak to every agent, and this concept didn’t immediately grab me. That’s why I ask authors to include the first 10 pages of their manuscript with their query email—the quality of the writing can tip the scales.

Dee R., author of LOCKER 43, a 25,000 word middle grade novel.*

Hi, Dee! It’s always nice to hear that a writer is querying me because they’ve done their homework, and they’re not just papering the town. First tip, though: if you’re going to go to the trouble of researching an agent (which you should) then really make it count. Why not mention where you read about the agent, or perhaps something specific that made you think he or she might be a good fit for your work.

As for you pitch: I’d have to say your one-liner is a little too vague. You’ve given us the category and the setting, but we still don’t know the concept. Your two-paragraph description is better, but still a tad vague. I’d like concrete examples (beyond just the watermelon) of the kind of items that are showing up her locker, and an example or two of the tasks she has to perform. It sounds like it has potential to be a humorous story with heart, but I’m not quite sold by this pitch. I do like the title.

p.s. Cute website!

DEE WHITE, author of SAVING SARAH DAVIS, a 60,000 WORD Contemporary YA.

Another Dee! Hello. Really well done pitch. The only thing missing is that one-liner that encapsulates the novel—but your two-paragraph description of the story is very nice, and you’ve got me intrigued now about this dark family secret. I also appreciate the line about how it will appeal to readers of books like SPEAK—it shows me that you read within the category and that you’ve thought about your audience.

This is another one that’s going to come down to the writing. The pitch sounds a little dark for my taste, but I would definitely dip into the 10 pages I request with every query.

HALEY WHITEHALL, author of ISABELLE'S BARGAIN, a 40,000 word HISTORICAL FICTION/MIDDLE GRADE*

Hi, Haley. As the say in the journalism industry, I think you’re burying the lead. The three paragraphs you use to describe the plot contain a lot of unnecessary noise. Here’s what I think is important: 1) Lindy is an 11-year old slave in 1857 Virginia who sees a ghost named Isabelle. 2) When Lindy learns that she is to be sold, she must turn to the ghost she has always tried to ignore for help. 3) Isabelle knows the route on the Underground Railroad and agrees to lead Lindy safely north—but she wants something in return, and Lindy may not like what that is. All of which could be put into one solid paragraph. I’d hone this pitch before you send it out widely.

Lori Ehrman Tinkey, author of TWIN GHOSTS, a 65,000 word YA

Hi, Lori. I’m afraid I found this pitch to be a bit of a head-scratcher. That’s partly because I don’t know what a “New Age teen devotee” is, and partly because there’s a lot going on in the novel and the different elements aren’t really jelling. The protagonists are time twins who are also haunted by ghosts—it sort of sounds like two story ideas combined into one. If you have a complex premise like this, you have to take extra care to explain it clearly.

Nicole Zoltack, author of RIONA'S PEN, a 80,000 Fantasy YA

Hi, Nicole. I recognize that pitching fantasy is tough. To capture the whole new world you’ve created in a concise pitch is a tall order. You’ve done a nice job here, although it could use some comparison titles. I’m not terribly well-read in the category, but INKHEART comes to mind? I think the right agent is out there, but it sounds a little outside my area of interest.

O'Dell Hutchison, author of THE WEEPING, a 61,000-word YA Thriller*

Hi, O’Dell. Overall, good pitch! You’ve done a nice job conveying the premise, and you’ve got me wondering what this disturbing family secret might be. I also appreciate that you included your reason for querying me in particular.

I’m always looking for a solid YA thriller. This sounds like it might have a slight paranormal/ghost angle, though? There’s something that feels a little familiar about it to me, but I would certainly dip into the first 10 pages. THE WEEPING is an appealing title, too.

Video Feedback

Brianne Mulligan: Video Pitch Feedback

Autumn Dove , author of Shadow Guardian, a 100k word, paranormal romance

Hi, Autumn. The audio was a little wonky, so I didn’t catch every word of your pitch—but I think I got the gist. First of all, I assume most face-to-face pitch opportunities are going to happen at a conference, rather than through a prepared video (although this is a great way to practice). With that in mind—and this is a tip for everyone who participated—try to get comfortable enough talking about your novel without consulting a piece of paper or having to stick exactly to a prepared script. Your pitch sounded like it would make a solid query letter, but in this case, I’d like to hear you speak about your story in a more natural way. You have a very relaxed manner, and there was a part of your pitch around :30 of the video where I could really tell that you love your story and your characters—try to let that shine throughout.

Unfortunately the concept doesn’t strike me as fresh enough to consider. The industry is pretty fatigued when it comes to vampire novels, so you’d really need a new take on the familiar in order to get me excited. There was a hint of there being something special about her stallion in the pitch—I might make that a little clearer since it sounds like the most unique aspect.

Chanteé Hale, author of HEAT, a 68,000 rounded word, dystopian young adult novel

Hi, Chantee. That’s some fancy green screen work!

I found the opening line of this pitch to be strong: you start by making a universal statement (the words “I’m pregnant,” can change anyone’s life), and then you bring it down to the level of your story (but for this character, they mark the beginning of the end). It’s an effective technique. However, then I think you go on to spend a little too much time on the pregnancy/betrayal/ex part of the story. Since you’re pitching this as dystopian, I was expecting to hear more about the world of the novel. I’d cut some of the initial details (the bit about not being able to afford an abortion, for example, is not vital to the pitch), and instead explain what threatens their survival.

Elizabeth Michels, author of Abigail’s Secret, a 90,000 word Time Travel Romance

Hi, Elizabeth. You have a really charming pitching style: you’re speaking slowly and smiling. And furthermore, you kept it nice and concise! Well done. I’m focusing almost solely on YA and MG at the moment so it’s not for me, but I got a kick out of the premise. One tip: I have no problem with X-book meets Y-movie pitches, but agents within my own agency disagree. I think it’s generally more accepted in the YA/MG world (I mean, these days every teen novel looks like it could be a movie poster, right?), but less so on the adult side. Just something to be aware of.

Janie Bill, author of HALO LIGHT, a 94,000 words YA fantasy

Hi, Janine. I was intrigued by the setting of this novel and it sounds like it could potentially be something unique, but I couldn’t get a solid handle on the concept because the pitch was too long and included too many unnecessary plot points. Try not to fall into the “and then this happened…and then this happened” trap. The strongest part of this pitch started at around 1:30 of the video. Everything in the minute and a half before that should really be boiled down to less than 30 seconds.

Jenna Wallace, author of SOMNILOQUY, a 78,000 word Young Adult suspense novel with a ghostly twist.

Hi, Jenna. This is a terrific pitch. You come across as confident and professional. You had me at 0:43 of the video, and yet the additional plot description did not strike me as excessive. Your A-story is Abby’s somniloquy, and you rightly give that the most attention in your pitch; then you touch upon the B- and C-stories (Abby’s relationship with her father, and her love interest). Each plotline is given the right amount of weight in your pitch. As for the concept: it feels fresh. I’d love to take a look at the first 50 pages (and please include your written pitch, as well).

Jesi Lea Ryan, author of EMO GIRL, 56,000 word, young adult paranormal romance

Hi, Jesi. First of all, I commend you for not reading your pitch, even though there were a few stumbles. In order to overcome those hiccups, I would practice pitching the book to friends, and not necessarily always following the same script.

I would also cut out the middle of your pitch. The interesting part is that when her sister died, she saw the accident from her perspective, and now she’s an empath. We don’t need to know that it was her neighbor who recognized her ability and explained it to her.

As far as the concept goes, I’m afraid it just didn’t fresh enough to pique my interest. I’ve seen too many girl-with-special-powers novels lately. You might also consider tweaking the title. The current title doesn’t say paranormal novel to me.

Michael J Lee, author of FROM RUSSIA WITH BLOOD, a 76,000 word Paranormal Romance/Adventure

I guess I’m a sucker for a pun (oh, no, there’s another one! Sucker…vampire novel…uh, never mind), because I got a kick out of this title. And the opening of your pitch works for me--“James Bond” meets “Twilight” tells me exactly what to expect from the novel. You have a nice, natural way of talking about your book, although I would have ended at 1:10 of the video. Saying that the novel has “everything we’d want” is sort of like telling us that the writing is great—it may be true, but we have to find out for ourselves! Unfortunately this one’s not for me because it’s not YA, and I’m vampired-out. Good luck with it, though; it does sound different than your typical vampire fare.

MISTY DIETZ, author of WEB OF DECEIT, a 89K romantic suspense with paranormal elements

Hi, Misty. You have a nice presentation manner, but this is another one that sounds rehearsed, and strikes me as a better query letter than an in-person pitch. I’d try to speak the way you naturally speak rather than the way you write.

You start to lose me around :35 of the video. First you mention a “provocative boutique owner,” then you introduce Sloane the psychic—they’re the same person, right? I found myself wondering why you first called her a boutique owner—that doesn’t seem like the most important aspect of her character. You started to lose me when you launched into what’s really behind this character’s façade. I think that’s a little detailed for a pitch, and makes it hard to follow when you jump back to talking about the murders and suddenly you refer to the killer as the protagonist’s “nemesis” with a “20 year vendetta.” This sounds important to the story, but up until this point we haven’t heard anything about the killer, so it’s tad confusing.

Sonali Mayadev Thatte, author of The Bollywood Bride, a 95,000 word Multicultural Single Title Romance.

Hi, Sonali. Very nice pitch. I think you could trim a few sentences and it would be even sharper, but overall you have a good one-liner and then a fairly concise plot description. I would cut 1:04 to 1:20 of the video. It’s not the kind of novel I represent, but I think another agent will appreciate your pitch.

Taylor Lunsford, author of CUPID MEETS HIS MATCH, a 90,000 word contemporary Romance novel*

Hi, Taylor. When you pitch a novel, it’s so easy to lose an editor’s or an agent’s attention by going on just a little too long, so kudos for keeping your pitch short and really boiling the story down to what’s important. Since it’s such a tight pitch, there would be no harm in slowing down a bit—it sounded like you were in a bit of a rush to get the pitch out, but it’s only three sentences, so take your time! Otherwise, really well done. Modern retellings of classic stories and myths are popular right now—I’m not really focusing on contemporary romance at the moment, unless it’s YA, but I think your novel has promise and the right agent will be interested.

From Diane, Founder of Pitch U:

Hello to Lucy Carson, agent extraordinaire, and a fully-caffeinated Friday morning to all!  We have two go-to agents this Friday morning.

Lucy Carson  will be answering questions here (in the comments of this post) between10:00 a.m. – Noon EDT. 

Brianne will be answering questions in the comment of her post between  11:00 a.m. – Noon EDT.

It's true.  Life is good to us here at Pitch U.  

Meet The Industry Pro:

Name: Lucy Carson

Company/Title: The Friedrich Agency

Length of Time In Industry: 3 years

When Pitching to Me:

What should Pitch U writers include in their pitch to you? Their query letter?

I appreciate a query letter that is about a page, single-spaced, but no more than that. It’s important to me that a writer be able to talk about their project with enough detail to entice a reader like myself without over-sharing or exhausting the opportunity. If there’s some part of your personal life or experience that has informed your writing, please include that—I’d consider it relevant if it does indeed relate.

The description of your offered manuscript should be a hearty paragraph, and hopefully not longer than that. Be professional but don’t ever hesitate to drop me a generous pinch of your personality in the process.

Conference Pitch Confessions:

Here’s how I wish writers would approach their time with me:

I wish writers would prioritize the time limits over their nerves. There just isn’t time to be worried or paranoid—most pitches have a tight clock on them, and I always feel so regretful when that time flies by because a writer hasn’t prepared properly, or was too focused on the stress of the situation to actually “get it out” for my consideration.

Of the appointments I take…

• 75% know their genre/sub-genre when asked (and their pitch reflects that genre).
• 80% know how to pitch and give good pitches that impress me.
• 50% seem scared out of their gourd.
• 100% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are due to having an good pitch alone.
• 0% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are because I worked hard to get information out of the writer.
• 50% of writers are comfortable having a conversation with me and answering questions about their books.
• 15% of writers come across as being ready for publication.
• 100% seem like nice people despite all other issues.
• When I get home…
• 100% of manuscripts I request are actually sent.
• 80% of requests are sent within 30 days.
• 75% of the requests sent do, indeed, reflect what I though the story would be about.

Query Religious Argument:

The title, genre, and wordcount belongs…

• _X_ Before the book “pitch” paragraphs
• ___ After the book “pitch” paragraphs
• ___ Makes no difference to me
• ___ I don’t read the query first, and that information is a minor consideration
• ___ Other:

Industry Pro Scenario:

You’ve found a book you love, and now you represent the author and must sell it to a publisher.  Take us through your process:

I always connect with an editor first when I’m feeling out their interest. I also stress that if an editor isn’t 100% enthusiastic after hearing my pitch, they should be honest with me about that so that neither of us wastes our time, and I can send my actual submitted manuscript elsewhere in the imprint.

I have a phone pitch for these conversations, and then a separate pitch letter to accompany the manuscript when I send it, and usually the written version emphasizes biographical information, since the editor will have to craft their own plot/character/voice pitch for the manuscript when they’re trying to get support in-house—so what they really need is everything relevant that *isn’t* in the manuscript.

I do make a point of highlighting the strength of an author regarding publicity and marketing and editorial when I am pitching the manuscript itself—every little bit helps, and these days it’s much more about the Big Picture than simply the writing.

Background:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

Some may know this already, some may not. I’m actually Molly Friedrich’s second eldest daughter, and I became her assistant as a way of bailing her out when her former assistant became pregnant and was entitled to a proper maternity leave.

At the time, 3 years ago, my presence at the agency was supposed to be temporary, keeping in line with my eventual plans to move to L.A. and focus on the film world. But I took to the job so naturally and was such an obvious fit, that when the old assistant announced her plans to become a book scout, I decided to stay on and begin building my own stable of writers.

Where can we meet you in person (conferences, workshops, conventions, etc.)?

I don’t currently have any conferences scheduled for the Fall, but I’ll be at AgentFest, which is a part of ThrillerFest here in New York City this summer.

Pitching Insights:

What’s the difference between a book that should sell but doesn’t and a book that actually sells?

The only time that I’ve ever run into a situation where I was actually shocked by a book not selling was when a client of mine deliberately challenged her genre. I found it fresh, but the romance editors who have worked within a certain formula for so many years successfully, weren’t willing to see the freshness without also seeing a huge risk. But beyond that, I don’t take on books that I can’t sell—I’m not in the business of valuing volume over true quality, and I’ve made it a big part of my job to understand the way that editors weigh their acquistional decisions.

Can you give us a pitch for a current project?

Nope, sorry! There’s a certain kind of strength that lies in keeping a few things private. I’m sure it would help you all, but it would compromise my project in the process.

Lighten the Mood and Get to Know You:

Who do you admire most in the publishing industry?

Nancy Pearl. She’s a true champion of great writing, and has read everything under the sun (that’s worth reading).

Lucy’s PitchFest Feedback

Query Letters

AE Martin—RAVENOUS DUSK

Make sure we know sooner that Blake is female, I was initially confused. “He is Reaper” actually doesn’t tell me much since I’m not yet situated in this fantastical universe, need some context before you throw terms at us, I think. Is the murder investigation happening this late in the story? If not, then move it up in your pitch, it feels like an after-thought and I’m not sure that reflects your narrative. Also, need to know NYC setting sooner! That’s a selling point, and again, it situates us.

Angelica R. Jackson—SPIRITS FROM THE VASTY DEEP

Thank you for thanking me, always a lovely first step. Olivia is en route from Spain—to where? How does one escape a ship…into the ocean? This is an intriguing synopsis, I’d love to take a look, even though 95k is long for YA, which you may want to acknowledge.

Candi Wall—CERES WRATH

Regarding the potential for series, have you provided for both scenarios (standalone and series) in the narrative? We need enough resolution to walk away and enough of a question mark to entice us further. Since this is YA and parents are out of the picture, knowing more about that even in the synopsis might provide an immediate emotional connection for an agent to latch onto. I’d love to read further though, it sounds fresh.

Carlene Love Flores—SIDEWALK FLOWER

What do you mean by “both the bad and good people”? This is a bit of an oversimplification, and a bit of a cliché, I think it bears revisiting since it’s your opener. Your synopsis has some interesting phrases in it, but it also sounds very much like a story about a woman pulled in two directions by outside forces. I don’t get a sense of her character or her agency in her own life. I’m sure she is a stronger character than this suggests, so you may want to take another stab at that description. Good luck!

Carolyn Chambers Clark—THE KROY WEN CHRONICLES

We’re moving a bit too fast here for an introduction. Remember, the agent doesn’t know what Kroy Wen is, or what a Seducca is, or what “shadow corporation” entails. When I see terms that I don’t know, which aren’t defined for me, my reaction is, “this is too much detective work for me” and I move on. Try to ease us in, so that we want to follow you into the manuscript itself.

Haley Whitehall—SHADES OF WHITE

Hi Haley, since we’re historical, please give us the year in which we are set. I’m very confused about races and ethnicities here. Am I to assume that Zacharia is black, or white, or Native American? Under what circumstances would a Cherokee woman be upper class, this is why setting and other historical details are relevant. The more we know, the more we can buy into your fiction. If the details don’t fit, or there isn’t enough information, then a seed of doubt takes over. I think it would help a lot for you to go back in here and fill in the necessary details.

Jen Chatfield—LIFE WITH A SIDE OF WHISKEY

I was surprised to see, at the end of the letter, that this story is told from two different perspectives on the relationship. You focus pretty heavily on Lucy for the emotional journey of this description, so I’d suggest that if the book gives each of them a voice, then so should your query.

Jennifer Truxillo—MORTAL KISMET

98K words is quite a hunk of literature for the YA market, but alright. What do you mean by “secret element”? That word brings me back to middle school science class, but surely you meant something more akin to “creature” or “life form” right? There’s a LOT going on here—zombies, a familiar trope, then humanoid aliens of your own creation, AND reincarnation? At the outset, I feel a bit overwhelmed. It might be best to focus on one or two of these fixtures for the sake of the query, so that agents don’t get a haphazard impression from your description.

Lori Ehrman Tinkey—BREATHING UNDERWATER

I caution against putting the climactic reveal in your first line of the pitch. That’s definitely something to save for the end of the description, if you feel the need to include it at all (I wouldn’t, because it can often help to leave a bit of the mystery for the manuscript itself). Also, the media involvement makes me wonder whether this is a world in which we KNOW there are mermaids. Since that’s not the case in reality, you should note that somewhere earlier. I’m a bit worried about the pregnancy aspect…you will certainly get push-back from a lot of YA editors.

Martha Ramirez—FORBIDDEN BLOOD

I would suggest you delete paragraph two. I wouldn’t have made it to paragraph three if this were submitted to me over email, but because I was determined to give you feedback, I did, and it was the “selling” moment for your synopsis. However, your last sentence in parentheses there is confusing. It’s great to throw in a hint of your voice, but it’s better to have strong sentences, and if you have to choose one, choose the latter. I do like your “professional chaser of a four-year old” mention!

Melodie Wright—SAVING ANDROMEDA

Other agents may disagree here so do check submission guidelines, but for myself, I strongly prefer finished manuscripts to works in progress. What if I love it, and want to keep going? I don’t offer to rep anyone without seeing their story in complete form, so that would be a wasted effort, to read just the partial. But back to the query. Killer good synopsis, I’d love to take a look WHEN it’s done! If you don’t find an agent before that.

Nikki Stuckwisch—CODE

The only thing missing here is a sense of who Brett is as a woman, as a doctor, as a character in general. Terrific sense of suspense, very hard to pull that off in only a few sentences. It does sound a bit gruesome at the outset, but I’d love to read more here.

Norma Johnson—VEX

Very solid first two paragraphs, at the outset, I’m quite taken with this concept. When you later say, “they meet Justice”, are we to assume that Tana and Shane can go into VEX together? If so, that definitely bears influence on their changing relationship, so I would clarify that this is something they do as a pair. I’m also missing a sense of how this book compares to and builds on, or departs from, the others in this genre. Virtual lives have been a big focus as of late in fiction for teens, and I’d like to be reassured by you that this is different from the competition, but also a product of a growing audience which you’re fully aware of.

Anon —Book

Hi xxx, you need some paragraphs! There’s a visual component to query letters that believe it or not, really does make a difference to those of us who read 300 per day. There is an awful lot of plot here before we ever once realize that this woman was <hidden detail>. Do say that much, much sooner, as literary retellings and adaptations and historical imaginings are very marketable once they’re identified as such. No reason to wait, bring that right to the front!

Robin Bielman—LEGACY

This is an interesting concept, but it’s not clear to me whether Emery and Baze were two normal teens one day, and the next—ushered into this alternate understanding of the world? Is all of this being dealt with in addition to the issues and pressures of a normal high school life, continuing all the while? I’d like a better sense of how Emery’s past and present intersect, especially since it will affect how marketable and relatable this story is for its target audience.

Sylvia McDaniel—LIFE: TAKE TWO

When you say “embarks on a new adventure returning to college” do you mean that Marianne re-enrolls as an adult student, to finish her degree? That’s definitely the most interesting, stand-out part of this description, so if I were you, I’d spend a little more time developing that for the synopsis. Also, when you mention having been published 9 times with Kensington, be sure to clarify whether you were previously working with an agent who is no longer on board (and if there is a diplomatic reason, state that) or whether you’ve never used an agent, but are now trying to, and why? That’s an important part of your history as a writer, and any interested agent would be asking you these questions as a follow-up, so you might save the time by addressing them at the outset.

Video Pitches

Autumn Dove

Hi Autumn, cool horse throw in the background there! I think SHADOW GUARDIAN was well-pitched and well-described, but for me, personally, when I’m being pitched in person at writer’s conferences, I’m much more at easy with a pitch when it isn’t being read or recited. I know it’s hard to “prepare” without overpreparing, but I felt that your pitch would have been strengthened by a little bit of “on the fly” enthusiasm. You’re surely excited about your novel, and that can be contagious in the best way, if you let it creep into the pitch itself.

Chantee Hale

You’ve clearly pulled out all the technological stops for this video, looks great! I thought your pitch was well-delivered and your pacing was just right, but my issue was that—having defined your novel as “dystopian” I didn’t get any sense of that from your description. I know this character and her dilemma, that’s all very well handled, but if the setting is important (and why write dystopian if it looks just like our own world?) then it should take the lead, or at least be explored for the purposes of a first impression with an agent.

Elizabeth Michels

First of all, thank you for making the time to include pleasantries, gratitude, and a proper introduction. I know the timeframe here is pretty limited, but a little howdy-do goes a long way, with me or any other agent. I thought your description was brief but gave me enough to sense the romance and feel the atmosphere. I’d suggest revisiting the two comp titles you used. I don’t much care for using movies to give readers a sense of literary projects. JANE EYRE was a much more obvious one that came to mind, and if you mixed that with something more fun or more genre-based, I think you’d get people’s attention in a serious way.

Janie Bill

There’s clearly a rich imagination behind the plot and characters of this story, and I love your energy and rhythm in this delivery of what is, let’s face, a pretty complicated synopsis! But I had to watch the video three times to figure out what the arc of the story was, because there were a handful of unclear details that began distracting me, and caused me to lose track of the story even as you were still pitching. Starting with the snowflakes casting images on her skin, and then the casual reference to “sends her mother to death’s door”, it felt like you were trying to pack in too much to one pitch, and you may have to save a few of these events for the manuscript itself, in order to avoid overwhelming the person you’ve submitted to.

Jenna Wallace

Oh dear, I’m going to be massive unhelpful with this one, I’m afraid. I really wouldn’t change a thing. This pitch was airtight, I’d love to read further, the story sounds completely fresh, and as icing on the cake, I am totally weak in the knees for anything involving Scotland. Please send me the manuscript, I’d love to take a look. And you were smart to include the writing experience you’ve had thusfar, especially insofar as it relates to your ability to communicate with a younger audience. Well done!

Jesi Lea Ryan

Brief question: is it Arcadia or Emo girl? Titles didn’t match, but maybe that’s a glitch in the website itself. I thought you were smart to include, albeit towards the end, that Cady (sp?) is dealing simultaneously with all of the normal teen issues in addition to her discovery of these abilities. It becomes more of a coming-of-age-with-twist than just another paranormal, and I like that it stands out in that way. I do think you would have pitched a bit more smoothly if you had allowed yourself to depart from the rehearsed version that you were trying to stick to. You have a great handle on your story and your characters and why they are worth an agents’ time, so maybe do away with those notes…you don’t need them!

Michael J. Lee

What an interesting hybrid—James Bond crossed with Twilight! The first thing I want to say there is that every writer and all of their friends have been using Twilight as a comp title for the past 5 years now, so the publishing community is really weary of that comparison. It’s not going to work against you, but it’s a missed opportunity because people’s eyes simply glaze over and they wait for your next sentence so that they can get a real sense of what you’re trying to do here. I thought the pitch itself was well delivered, you did a great job of organizing your thoughts without sounding formulaic or stiff. I’m a bit worried that your title rubs up against the line between fun and caper. You want fun, you don’t want caper. This might be a tricky one to pin down in terms of audience, but I think the actual pitch was quite polished.

Misty Dietz

You did a wonderful job here of giving both protagonist their fair shake in the synopsis, so that two characters, and therefore their chemistry, have distinctly emerged. The only thing I’m really missing is a sense of you as a writer and as a person. A carefully crafted pitch is great, but have you been writing in any other capacity, are you affiliated with any groups or organizations for writers? I always like at least a pinch of the personal, because it makes a good pitch into a great pitch, and helps me remember not just a plot but the writer behind it.

Sonali Mayadev Thatte

Wow, this pitch really hit all the right ROMANCE notes! I especially loved your line about him unwrapping her from the silken folds of her sari—very steamy. You did a great job on the synopsis here, just long enough to give me a firm sense of the conflict and characters, without overwhelming me with events. My one reservation is that the reason for their separation feels very thinly constructed—her being convinced that she “will” inherit this mental illness. Perhaps if you highlighted the severity of the mental illness and the certainty that this fate is meant to befall her, I’d buy into the doomed aspect here, and it would anchor me in the plausibility of their conflict.

Taylor Lunsford

This sounds like such a fun concept—a little wedding planner stuff, a little online dating stuff, a pinch of paranormal…don’t forget that pinch though! This isn’t just a contemporary romance if your main man is Cupid, posing as a mortal. You don’t want to throw anyone off by categorizing inaccurately. That said, I actually wanted a bit more of the story, and though a short pitch is always appreciated by busy folks, you have solid ideas and it’s ok to go a bit further!

From Diane, Pitch U Founder:

We’re pretty darn excited to bring you The Jenny Bent.  Yes, there is a bright light surrounding her.  At least… according to her clients. 

(When Tera Lynn Childs’ first YA came out, she still lived in Houston.  Jenny’s light rubbed off on Tera, and you had to use special glasses just to get your book signed at her chapter author signing.  Yes, it’s true.)

Enjoy Jenny’s interview (and below that are her critiques).  She’ll be joining us tonight between 8:00 – 9:00 p.m. EDT.  That’s 7:00 – 8:00 CDT, where I am.

See you there!

Meet The Industry Pro:

Name: Jenny Bent

Company/Title: Owner, the Bent Agency

Length of Time In Industry: 20 years (ack!)

Professional Affiliations: AAR

Clients/Titles/Claims to Fame: NYT bestselling authors Lynsay Sands, Laurie Notaro, John Kasich, Julia London, Laurie Wilde, Sandra Hill, USA Today bestselling authors Janelle Denison, Kathryn Caskie, Kieran Kramer, Young Adult authors Tera Lynn Childs, Brent Crawford, Amanda Ashby, to name just a few!

When Pitching to Me:

What should Pitch U writers include in their pitch to you? Their query letter?

Their query letter should include a short bio (even if you don’t have writing credits).

Conference Pitch Confessions:

Here’s why I really go to conferences and take pitch appointments: I’m always looking for great clients—either already established or brand spankin’ new.

Here’s how I wish writers would approach their time with me: In a relaxed way—I don’t bite! I often direct the conversation so I can best learn about your project and also you. My pet peeve is an author who wants to read for five minutes from an index card, or spends five minutes telling me everything that happens in the novel, blow by blow. I’m looking for a great few-sentence pitch that summarizes the plot, a great title, and for you to be able to tell me some already published books that are similar.

Of the appointments I take…

_85_% know their genre/sub-genre when asked (and their pitch reflects that genre).

_25__% know how to pitch and give good pitches that impress me.

_90__% seem scared out of their gourd. [But that’s okay—I understand!]

_25__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are due to having a good pitch alone.

_25__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are because I worked hard to get information out of the writer.

_70__% of writers are comfortable having a conversation with me and answering questions about their books. Because I work hard to make them feel comfortable!

_10__% of writers come across as being ready for publication.

_99.9_% seem like nice people despite all other issues.

Background:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

I graduated from college knowing I wanted to be an agent. I started as an agent’s assistant when I was 22, and never looked back!

June PitchFest Feedback

Query Letters

#1.  Becke Martin. I think the author is putting too much information into each sentence, with the result that this query is difficult to understand.  I had to read this several times.  Also, editors/agents tend not to like protagonists who are writers—it feels too inside baseball for us.  Add to the fact that she's a wolf shape-shifter which doesn't seem that fresh a concept these days, and unfortunately this is a pass for me.

#2. Lauren Fraser. Because of word count, this might be a category romance and the plot does seem like a category plot.  As a single-title plot, I don't think this would be an easy sell to publishers; they are looking for more high-concept, original plots than this one.  Authors credentials are strong, however.

#3  Nicole Helm. With this word count, this would be a category romance and again, this plot does seem like a category plot.  It's not high-concept enough to attract an editor who is publishing single-title.

#4. Roberta Lynn. This one I would take a look at.  I like the international setting and the fact that the heroine is searching to find out about her heritage.   There are some elements that don't feel completely original but I like the other elements enough to take a look.

#5  Tina Moss & Yelena Casale. I think this query letter is very well done.  Well written, concise, easy to understand, focuses on the right elements.  The problem is that I've seen too many angel/demon plots and so ultimately I wouldn't want to see.

Video Pitch

Jenny told us in advance that her schedule was so tight she could only review 5 video pitches.  (At Pitch U, we understand long hours!)  We asked her to review her choice of the five, and she decided to critique the first five listed.

#1  Autumn Dove. She needs to speak up.  You can see her looking down to read from her notes.  In general, this author isn't making the most of the opportunity a video pitch affords.  If you are just going to read your query letter on the video, in my opinion, you should just e-mail the query.  In a video pitch you should be able to speak off the cuff to describe your book, or make it seem like you are speaking off the cuff.  You can use visual aids.  Make it seem exciting and fun, lively.  It's like you are having a face to face pitch with the agent—you should never sit there and read the plot off index cards.  This is a vampire romance so I would pass; the competition is just too fierce.

2.  Chantee Hale. Keep eye contact with the camera, don't keep looking down.  Same comment about speaking more off the cuff.  But I love the changing visuals in the background!  This one is a pass for me because I don't see a high concept element.  Perhaps it would help if she started the pitch with a one sentence log-line so I could immediately get the concept.

3. Elizabeth Michels. Good eye contact!  She seems very natural, and although I do think she has memorized her pitch, it seems the closest to being informal of all the pitches so far.  I'm still looking for a more high concept idea, however, so this one would be a pass.

4. Janie Bill. I’d encourage this person to film another try because she makes a number of verbal missteps and it's distracting. She should edit the ending so that it doesn't end with her looking down.  This one was so long and detailed that I found it hard to follow, so I would not request the ms.

5. Jenna Wallace. LOVE THE TITLE.  I like her relaxed manner and this is a VERY cool idea.  Definitely want to see this one!  I think she could have filmed another try because she also has some verbal hiccups, but overall very well done.  Great pitch at the end where she compares it to Deliverance Dane and Jane Austen.  Also smart to give us her website at the end.

From Diane, Founder of Pitch U:

A big hello to the delightful Jessica Alvarez!  She’ll be at the RWA National Conference in New York, so you can get to know her here, then make sure to say hello in person there.

Her feedback is included after her interview below.  And while she doesn’t have time to answer questions today, you can leave your thanks in the comments. :)

Meet The Industry Pro:

Name: Jessica Alvarez

Company/Title: BookEnds, LLC/Literary Agent

Length of Time In Industry: Ten years in publishing, just starting as an agent

Professional Affiliations: AAR.

Clients: Charlotte Featherstone, Lorrie Thomson, I’m still building my list!

Conference Pitch Confessions:

Here’s why I really go to conferences and take pitch appointments: To have the face-to-face contact with writers

Here’s how I wish writers would approach their time with me: Utilize every moment! If we have five minutes, and your pitch takes up two, spend the rest of your time asking me all the burning industry questions you’ve been dying to ask.

Of the appointments I take…

• _90__% know their genre/sub-genre when asked (and their pitch reflects that genre).
• _75__% know how to pitch and give good pitches that impress me.
• _10__% seem scared out of their gourd.
• _50__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are due to having an good pitch alone.
• _5__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are because I worked hard to get information out of the writer.
• _75__% of writers are comfortable having a conversation with me and answering questions about their books.
• _25__% of writers come across as being ready for publication.
• _90__% seem like nice people despite all other issues.

When I get home…

• __25_% of manuscripts I request are actually sent.
• __50_% of requests are sent within 30 days.
• __75_% of the requests sent do, indeed, reflect what I though the story would be about.

Query Religious Argument:

The title, genre, and wordcount belongs…

• ___ Before the book “pitch” paragraphs
• ___ After the book “pitch” paragraphs
• _x_ Makes no difference to me
• ___ I don’t read the query first, and that information is a minor consideration
• ___ Other:

Industry Pro Scenario:

You’ve found a book you love, and now you represent the author and must sell it to a publisher. Take us through your process:

I pitch over email. Editors are busy people and, frankly, when I was an editor, I hated having my work interrupted by pitches. I don’t have any great process for writing my pitch--I usually have an introductory paragraph, a paragraph or two of concise plot summary, and a closing paragraph.

The greatest amount of time is spent on plot summary. I will look at the author’s query and, if it’s good, I may use some of the material, or I may decide to take a different approach and address the plot in a slightly different way. Once I have it drafted, I run it past the BookEnds team and get their feedback, make some last minute changes and any personalization needed, send it out, and keep my fingers crossed!

Background:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

I spent seven years at Harlequin on the editorial side, then spent three years as a freelance editor, proofreader and copywriter.

I’ve always loved the idea of being an agent and truly being able to advocate for my authors, and when the time was right, I got in touch with Jessica Faust at BookEnds and made my case for why she should hire me. BookEnds has a great reputation, fantastic authors and amazing agents, and I’m absolutely thrilled to be part of the team.

What are the 3 deals you’re most jazzed about?

Where can we meet you in person (conferences, workshops, conventions, etc.)? I’ll be at RWA in New York and at the New Jersey RWA conference in October. I haven’t finalized my 2012 schedule yet, but I will definitely be at RWA’s national conference.

Lighten the Mood and Get to Know You:

If you could name a sandwich and have it become famous… what would you name it and what would be on it?

It would be called the Jessica, of course. Maybe it would be a twist on a Vietnamese banh mi. How about a baguette with lemongrass grilled chicken, a dousing of Sriracha, and green papaya salad in place of lettuce?

Query & Pitch Feedback

QUERIES

Alison Beightol, FUNdraiser

Be sure to address your query to an agent.  While it sounds like it could be fun, I wonder if the story is a little too chick-litty for the current market.  Also, I wonder how well readers will respond to a madam heroine--I think there might be a built-in unlikability factor that might be difficult for some readers to get past.  You say the story has strong romantic elements, so I would have liked to see more of that in the pitch.  I noticed a few errors that should be corrected -- China with a capital C, and some missing commas in the last paragraph.  All in all, though, this is a good query.

Carrie Spencer, Manhunter

I have a question right off the bat--if your story is completed, why is the word count projected?  I think you need more of a transition between your first two sentences.  The shift feels abrupt.  And referencing Gilligan's Island and Columbo makes the story feel dated.   How did they tumble from the cruise ship?  I wish the reunion romance element had come across in the first paragraph--it was a surprise to me in the second, and it seems like that history would have been relevant in paragraph one.  I also think some of the information in the second paragraph should have been in the first--like why the drug lord follows them to Iowa.  You tell me that this is a romantic comedy, but I see little evidence of the comedic element in the query--it reads more like a straight romantic suspense.  Try to get some humor in it.  There are a few small errors--duffel bag, Mills & Boon, quotation marks around goodies.  A few small tweaks would go a long way toward improving this query. 

Evangeline Holland, A Mayfair Seduction

Overall, I think this is a good query.  I like your second paragraph, but I assume you mean "object of his assignment," not "objection of his assignment," right?  And who tricks him into this assignment?  Some of your sentences get a bit wordy and the phrasing seems a bit off, just some odd word choices that, actually, make me wonder if English is your second language.  Sorry!  They're not incorrect, just unusual.  Personally, I prefer that my British-set historicals have some kind of aristocratic element, but that isn't always necessary, especially for Harlequin Historical.  Who are the intimidating visitors?  If Roderick goes to the hotel as part of his assignment, does he really have a rightful claim on the property? I think we need a few more details on the nature of the assignment. 

Jennifer Probst, Once Again

Overall, I like this, and I'd be happy to take a look at the first three chapters and a synopsis. I like the role reversal--that he's the one who wants to settle down, and she's the one who wants some no-strings fun.  I like the history the characters have.  Is Sebastian a journalist?  Who is his posse?  One criticism, though, is that I kept on thinking that you were building up to a suspense element.  You might want to adjust some of your wording so other readers don't think that.  I know from the Pitch U heading that your books is a 60,000-word contemporary romance, but your query should have that information.  And I'd consider opening your query with, "Meet a woman battling her past. A man ready to settle down. A drunken night with no condom. And a pact to stay together until the stick turns blue...or not." 

Joanna Shupe, The Ex-Husband Next Door

You have unwittingly hit upon two of those things that I just don't connect with in romance.  I am a foodie, but for some reason, romance characters who work in the food industry almost never do it for me.  Just like some people don't like broccoli, there's no rhyme or reason to this preference.  With that said, I would never reject a book based on this reason alone.  But the second thing is this--I'm a bit tired of the "forced together by the terms of a will" plots.  I think it's overdone.  I'd need to see a unique plot twist to make me request a book with that hook.  Unfortunately, I don't see that here.  Some questions--why does Annie need to get her life back on track?  What happened?  If she walked out on him, why does he feel guilty?  Some positives, though, I like your introductory paragraph, and it's nice to hear you like the BookEnds blog. 

Larissa Hoffman, Portrait of a Dead Guy 

This is a good query.  I appreciate your opening paragraph, and I like the description of Cherry. It gives me a good sense of her character.  Though, I'm not crazy about all the clauses in the last sentence of your second paragraph.  I would like to know a bit more about Luke.  I would have appreciated that sentence being streamlined.  One question I had was why she needed the corpse for the portrait--why not just draw from a photo?  I'm not sure it's relevant that the townspeople are interrupting her work.  For your penultimate paragraph, personally, it doesn't matter to me whether you got encouraging reviews at a conference or if you've entered the manuscript in contests.  If you win a contest, sure, mention that, but I don't think its entry alone should be mentioned. 

Lori Ehrman Tinkey, Willing to Relocate

Your first paragraph is fine, though I feel like it's actually a little light on plot and I don't really know what your book is about.  I would have appreciated just a little more detail on plot specifics, not such a broad overview.  Your second paragraph, however, isn't as appealing as the first.  I don't like it when authors use superlatives in their queries.  I fully expect authors to think their books are the best, so it doesn't mean anything to me when you say yours is women's fiction at its best.  Your final two paragraphs are fine.  I don't think it normally works in an author's favor to reveal if it's her first book, but since it ties back to your career, I don't mind it here.

Rebecca Heflin, Lost Soul

Be sure to address your query to the agent, and it would be helpful to have a projected word count.  It isn't necessary to tell me in the first paragraph the pseudonym you'll be using--you can just include that in your signature.  Your second paragraph is all one sentence, and I would recommend splitting it up.  I have a few questions from this paragraph--why is her job in danger?  Why does her magazine hire Luke to be her pilot/guide?  He seems overqualified for the position and would surely be expensive--if her job is on the line, can her company afford him?  Your third paragraph is a bit vague for my liking.  It doesn't really tell me anything specific about the plot, just that exciting things will happen.  With your penultimate paragraph, I would cut the first two sentences--it makes me wonder about your first novel, and I'd hope any writer querying me would have other story ideas.

Rebecca Heflin, Promise of Change

Just like with the other query, please be sure to address it to an agent.  And again, don't bother mentioning your pseudonym here.  The second paragraph is a little confusing.  Is she applying for a promotion or job within her current company?  That should be clearer.  What was the situation that made her divorce public fodder?  There's a formatting error between the third and fourth paragraphs--I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a separate paragraph or pulled up to the previous line.  I think it should be a new paragraph.  How is it ironic that he comes back into her life?  How much of the story is told after this year-long separation?  I don't have a good sense of the novel's timeline.  And, just like in your first query, I would scratch the first sentence of your penultimate paragraph.

VIDEO PITCHES

Shadow Guardian by Autumn Dove

I'm not sure if there was a technical problem or if you're just a really quiet talker, but I had a hard time hearing your pitch.  So, forgive me if I have this wrong, but her stallion has a secret identity?  What is it?  The rest of your novel doesn't sound all that different from most paranormal novels, so if there's something special about her horse, perhaps you should mention more of that.  Also, how does the cougar attack play into the plot?  Is there any paranormal element to the cougar, or is it just a plain 'ol cougar?  Honestly, I'm not crazy about your heroine's name--I couldn't even begin to guess how to spell it and if I can't spell it, it might be difficult for readers to connect to.  You show some hints of your personality, and that was great, try to bring it out some more and have fun with your pitch. 

Heat by Chantee Hale

I really appreciate how brief your pitch was.  If was just long enough to give me the information I needed, but not bogged down with extraneous plot points or names of secondary characters.  I like how you begin the pitch with the heroine's pregnancy, and set up the situation with the ex and the hacker, but I would have liked to know how old your heroine is.  Between her age, the pregnancy, marriage and steaminess, I wonder how appropriate your book is for the YA market.  And I also wonder what makes it a dystopian?  Is it already a dystopian world before she learns of the plot to destroy life as they know it?  Also, I'm not sure we need to know that she was considering an abortion and couldn't afford it--that might turn off some readers.  I'm also not sure if her initial quest for revenge might also lessen reader sympathy for her.  Watch that you maintain eye contact with the person you're pitching to--I know that's hard when you're nervous and probably hard when you're just looking at a camera, but it helps make a personal connection.  But all in all, it was a very good pitch. 

Abigail's Secret by Elizabeth Michels

First, I love the amount of personality you show in this pitch.  You made it entertaining and that helped keep me interested.  Second, I liked that your pitch was short and to the point.  Though, I do want to know if the murderous plots the hero fled will come back to haunt him in Charleston.  Personally, I'm not a fan of time travel stories, but yours sounds cute and like it would be a fun read. 

Halo Light by Janie Bill

You show a lot of enthusiasm in your pitch, but sometimes you talk a little fast and, with so many plot elements, it's hard to keep up with you.  I'd suggest stripping down your pitch to the basic plot points: father goes overboard, girl gets halo light sight (which you need to define for us, and I'd suggest renaming it to avoid the rhyme), and uses it to search for her missing father, overcome a family curse and find the Fountain of Youth.  One thing I didn't understand is why Ivy thinks her father is still alive--is it because she sees ghosts, but doesn't see his?  The copper beam of light would make me think he's dead, but why doesn't Ivy think that?  I also didn't get a sense of the time period of your story--is this modern day, historical or futuristic?  Anyhow, my main piece of advice for you is to edit yourself, and see if you can cut your pitch in half. 

Somniloquy by Jenna Wallace

I really liked your pitch.  You told quite a bit about your plot, but it was easy to follow. You presented it professionally, but still with personality.  I like that your plot is different from the same-old paranormal plots that I usually see. I like the combined Scottish/Regency England settings.  Is Abby's mother dead?  Is Abby American?  Overall, though, a very good pitch. I'd like to take a look at the synopsis and first three chapters, please. 

Arcadia by Jesi Lea Ryan

To begin, I wouldn't bother mentioning your pseudonym.  Unless you've published with it to some success, I don't need to know your pseudonym in a pitch.  One thing that troubles me is that your heroine has a lot of difficult things she's dealing with, but her twin's death doesn't seem to matter all that much to her.  I'd think that would be the most difficult thing she might ever go through in her life.  Also, it seems awfully convenient to me that she just happens to have a telepathic neighbor.  And if other people have gifts, does that make her talents less special?  Since you're pitching the book as a romance, I would have liked to hear more about her love interest.  Your pitch is already longer than it needs to be, so you would need to do some paring back on other plot elements to fit in the romance. 

From Russia with Blood by Michael J. Lee

I like your title and the idea of a British vampire secret agent--it's a bit of a twist on the typical vampire heroes I see--but I wonder if more than anything in your pitch, it's my imagination doing the heavy lifting here after being told your book is James Bond meets Twilight.  Once you got to him living in America and the description of the heroine, you lost my interest.  I'd strip the phrase "everything you want" from your pitch--it's one of those things, like being told a book is the greatest, that turns me off since you don't know exactly what I want, and I assume you are going to be biased in favor of your own novel.  And once you get into the list of everything your novel contains, it feels like you're getting a bit desperate to sell it to me, and like you've lost your focus.  I'd recommend practicing your pitch a bit more, and don't feel you need to fill the entire allotted time.  If you end up having extra time with an agent or editor, use it to ask questions. 

Web of Deceit by Misty Dietz

Your pitch felt disjointed to me, and the characters seemed clichéd to me.  I think you go into too much detail about her flaws and insecurities, and should focus more on the suspense plot.  Her dreams about the suicide hotline seem particularly irrelevant.  I would also have liked for more of the romantic element to come across.  Truthfully, this sounded like many other novels in the genre and you didn't make me see what is unique about your particular story.

The Bollywood Bride by Sonali Myadev Thatte

This is a good pitch.  With that said, I think you could have focused a little less on the past (it gets repetitive at one point), and told us some more about her mother's mental illness and her fears of inheriting it.  I like the idea of the reunion romance, the homecoming, and the melding of Indian and American cultures.  Though some of your plot elements make me wonder if the story could veer toward melodrama, I'd be interested in learning more, and would be happy to take a look at a synopsis and the first three chapters. 

Cupid Meets His Match by Taylor Lunsford

This is what I like to see!  A short, tight pitch!  And if you hadn't stumbled a few times, it would have been even tighter.  So maybe rehearse a bit more so you can avoid stumbles.  Really, though, I thought this was pretty near flawless.  My additional critiques would be that you try to relax and have some more fun with your pitch--you looked nervous.  And I think perhaps you should categorize your novel as a contemporary romance with paranormal elements. 

From Diane Holmes, Founder of Pitch U:

A big welcome to Literary Agent Kate Schafer Testerman, better known as Daphne Unfeasible. As the query letters poured in for Kate, we found ourselves asking, “What is this strange power she wields?”  We suspect it’s a strange super power over both wit and words.

Kate will be with us Wednesday morning, giving her feedback in the comments and answering questions between 10:00 a.m. - Noon, Mountain Time.

Please make her feel welcome! 

Meet The Industry Pro:

Name: Kate Schafer Testerman

Company/Title: kt literary, llc.

Length of Time In Industry: 15 years

Professional Affiliations: Member of the AAR, SCBWI

Clients/Titles/Claims to Fame: Maureen Johnson, Stephanie Perkins, Matthew Cody, Ellen Booraem, Thomas E. Sniegoski, Ransom Riggs, Josie Bloss, Lili Wilkinson, and more!

When Pitching to Me:

What should Pitch U writers include in their pitch to you? Their query letter?

I don’t want writers sitting reading their pitch out loud to me, no. But I’d hope that they are so familiar with their story that they can tell it to me in a compelling, engaging manner.

Conference Pitch Confessions:

Here’s why I really go to conferences and take pitch appointments:

To mingle with other agents and editors.

Here’s how I wish writers would approach their time with me:

As an opportunity for feedback on their presentation. For the most part, if I like a pitch, I’ll ask for the same material as I would if I liked a written query, which anyone is welcome to send to me. It’s only the truly exceptional pitches that have me jumping right to a request for the first five chapters.

Of the appointments I take…

• _90__% know their genre/sub-genre when asked (and their pitch reflects that genre).
• _50__% know how to pitch and give good pitches that impress me.
• _10__% seem scared out of their gourd.
• _5__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are due to having a good pitch alone.
• _1__% of my “Yes, send me something” responses are because I worked hard to get information out of the writer.
• _50__% of writers are comfortable having a conversation with me and answering questions about their books.
• _5__% of writers come across as being ready for publication.
• _80__% seem like nice people despite all other issues.

When I get home…

• _99.9__% of manuscripts I request are actually sent.
• _90__% of requests are sent within 30 days.
• _80__% of the requests sent do, indeed, reflect what I thought the story would be about.

Query Religious Argument:

The title, genre, and wordcount belongs…

• ___ Before the book “pitch” paragraphs
• ___ After the book “pitch” paragraphs
• _X__ Makes no difference to me
• ___ I don’t read the query first, and that information is a minor consideration
• ___ Other:

Industry Pro Scenario:

Take us through your process: When you prepare to pitch this book, who are the different audiences you have to “sell” on it?

When I love a manuscript, I like to work with the author to polish it until it’s ready for submission. Once we’re there, I put together a list of ideal editors, based on my previous interactions with them, other titles I know they’ve edited, or things they’ve talked about as being interested in.

Once I have that list together, I’ll discuss with the author, in case there’s any they’d like me to add – say, someone the author met at a conference, or who might have read an early partial of their manuscript.

Once we have the final list, I start making calls. I like to pitch projects over the phone, and then follow up with a written pitch via email with the material. I love being creative with the pitch letter, though I will often look back at the author’s original query to me, and see if it includes any particularly great turns of phrase that I want to use, or paragraphs I may steal whole hog for my letter.

Ideally, that’s all it takes! Sometimes, however, if a manuscript doesn’t sell on an initial round of submissions, we may tweak the manuscript or the pitch to make it even better – and keep going until we have a deal, or an even better next novel to sell instead.

Background:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

I always knew I wanted to work with books. When I was ready to settle down and find a real job after college, I answered every classified ad for an entry-level position in publishing until I talked my way into a subsidiary rights assistant job. With thanks to great contacts, hard work, and years of experience, I opened my own agency in 2008, and have been going strong ever since!

What are the 3 deals you’re most jazzed about?

I’m tremendously excited for the first book in Maureen Johnson’s new “Shades of London” series, THE NAME OF THE STAR, which comes out in September. Putnam will publish in North America, HarperCollins will publish in the UK, Brillance will do the audio, and almost a dozen other publishers have licensed it around the world.

I also can’t wait for Stephanie Perkins’ follow-up to ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS to be released! LOLA AND THE BOY NEXT DOOR comes out from Dutton in September as well, and will be followed by ISLA AND THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER a year later.

And I don’t want to jinx it, but I’m working on a new deal for one of my current clients that I think is going to be really, really special. More soon, hopefully!

Where can we meet you in person (conferences, workshops, conventions, etc.)?

Because I just had a baby (he’s almost five months old, and is known on the internet as Beauregard Mozark Unfeasible-Implausible), I cut down quite a bit on my travel schedule for 2011.  (From Diane:  Best name ever!)

That said, I will be at Leaky Con 2011’s Lit Day in Orlando in July, and will be doing a workshop for my local Rocky Mountain SCBWI chapter in August. Beyond that, I’m available for conferences, and I love to travel, so please do be in touch if you’re organizing something.

Pitching Insights:

What’s the difference between a book that should sell but doesn’t and a book that actually sells?

I wish I knew! I’ve had some great manuscripts that the author and I both loved, but weren’t able to place. Sometimes it’s timing – maybe I’m going out with something at the same time as another book on the subject, or just after. Sometimes it’s market conditions – when everyone is looking for high fantasy, it can be hard to sell something gritty, or place a contemporary MG when everyone says they want speculative fiction. Sometimes everything can seem to be right for a book to be a huge success, and it just doesn’t happen. If there was one clear answer, I wouldn’t be a literary agent, I’d be a psychic!

Lighten the Mood and Get to Know You:

If you could command any writer (living or dead) to write a book of your design, who would you choose and what would she/he write?

I’d ask William Goldman to finish the sequel to THE PRINCESS BRIDE he teased us with in the anniversary edition!

What’s the wisest thing you’ve ever said?

Always pack an extra pair of shoes.

Who do you admire most in the publishing industry?

This is going to sound like sucking up, because it’s someone I’d love to sell a book to, but Alvina Ling at Little Brown. She’s always made such interesting choices as an editor, but what I most admire is her commitment to her friends. Some of her biggest authors are people she’s known for years, and their careers have grown along with Alvina’s. Plus, I’m totally jealous that she’s working on Laini Taylor’s amazing-sounding new novel!

From Diane, Founder of Pitch U:  Welcome to the lovely Vickie Motter, who will be with us  (in the comments, of course!) today and Thursday. (So, ask her all your questions about pitching!)

She’ll be posting her feedback on out 10 video pitches plus her query letters!  So watch the videos and see her query letters, look under the June PitchFest tab on the top menu.  If you don't see this option, reload your page.  I just added it!

Query Letter Bonus:  Vickie kindly upped her query cap.  Everyone who submitted is getting feedback!  (Thank you, Vickie!)

Video Bonus:  If your video was not chosen, I still want to reward you for making the fearless leap in learning to pitch. 

I’ll be providing you feedback personally, so you can up your game for RWA Nationals and all your in-person pitch sessions.

MEET THE INDUSTRY PRO:

Name : Vickie Motter

Company /Title : Andrea Hurst Literary Management / Literary Agent

Length of Time In Industry : One Year

WHEN PITCHING TO ME:

 What should Pitch U writers include in their pitch to you? Their query letter?

Stick with the basics: Name, title, genre, word count, short bio (if relevant, otherwise leave it out), plot overview (not a synopsis)

CONFERENCE PITCH CONFESSIONS:

Here's why I really go to conferences and take pitch appointments:

I spend so much time on my computer, I love being able to meet the writers on a face-to-face level, and talking about everything having to do with this business; everyone there wants to be there and loves what they are doing. The passion is infectious. Pitch appointments help us, the agent, see who is ready and who is not, who is dedicated and who didn't take the time to prepare. Plus it's fun watching writers squirm! (just kidding)

Here's how I wish writers would approach their time with me:

Relax, please, I'm just a person. Show me your passion for your novel. I appreciate when writers take advantage of the time they have; if you have extra time, ask a question. We're there to help.

Of the appointments I take...

• 75% know their genre/sub-genre when asked (and their pitch reflects that genre).
• 30% know how to pitch and give good pitches that impress me.
• 50% seem scared out of their gourd.
• 90% of my "Yes, send me something" responses are due to having a good pitch alone.
• 10% of my "Yes, send me something" responses are because I worked hard to get information out of the writer.
• 20% of writers are comfortable having a conversation with me and answering questions about their books.
• 20% of writers come across as being ready for publication.
• 99% seem like nice people despite all other issues.

When I get home...

• 50% of manuscripts I request are actually sent.
• 75% of requests are sent within 30 days.
• 75% of the requests do, indeed, reflect what I though the story would be about.

QUERY RELIGIOUS ARGUMENT:

The title, genre, and word count belongs...

___ Before the book "pitch paragraphs
___ After the book "pitch" paragraphs
___ Makes no difference to me
___ I don't read the query first, and that information is a minor consideration
_X_ Other: It will depend on your query. I do like knowing the genre before I start reading, but I also like diving directly into the query. Put it wherever, but keep it short and to the point.

INDUSTRY PRO SCENARIO:

Agent: you've found a book you love, and now you represent the author and must sell it to a publisher. Take us through your process.

I have the advantage of being another step removed from the novel when creating the pitch/query. I know what’s important to include and what’s not. I’ll boil it down to the most important points (whereas some writers try to shove too much or too little into the queries).

Since the writer is too close to the ms, he/she needs to use critique groups, online resources, professional advice, and conferences to perfect it.

When creating a verbal pitch for the book, I’ll talk to many people about it, and talk to myself about it, trying to boil it down to a one or two liner to get people’s attention (this also helps in creating the written pitch because I know what’s important).

Gauge people’s responses to the verbal pitch. If they ask more questions, your pitch isn’t specific enough. If their eyes glaze over, you probably have too much info. And it should be short enough for you to rattle off from the top of your head (no reading allowed).

BACKGROUND:

How did you end up where you are now in the publishing industry?

Right out of college, I interned with Andrea Hurst and from there realized that being an agent is what I wanted to do with my life, so it went from there.

Where can we meet you in person (conferences, workshops, conventions, etc.)?

This summer I'm hitting local conferences in Western Washington: Chuckanut Writer's Conference in Bellingham, PNWA in Bellevue, WWW in Lynnwood

PITCHING INSIGHTS:

What's the difference between a book that should sell but doesn't and a book that actually sells?

Voice. Depth of character. Mood of the market. Phase of the moon. Really, sometimes there is no way of knowing. But here’s the thing that will always help: passion. And if you can generate more passion for your book (with your agent, editor, online following), you’ll have a really good chance at it.

LIGHTEN THE MOOD AND GET TO KNOW YOU:

If you could name a sandwich and have it become famous...what would you name it and what would be on it?

The Deliciousness Deluxe. I’m not entirely sure what would be on it, but it would have a lot of sauerkraut.

If you could command any writer (living or dead) to write a book of your design, who would you choose and what would she/he write?

I’d really like Diana Peterfreund (author of the Killer Unicorn series, also known as Rampant ) to write a book about the dangers of squirrels.

Who do you admire most in the publishing industry?

Book Bloggers! They make the world go round. And my reading list to expand exponentially.

If you were ruler of the universe, how would you change the publishing world?

I would expose young kids to good books (more recent books that they actually want to read) at an earlier age and expose them to classics at an older age so they don’t get turned off of reading and forget to change their mind later in life.

 -----  And now… watch for Vickie’s feedback in the comments. :)

Okay, this is the post to pay attention to.  We’ll be updating it with key information for our PitchFest Writers.

Q. How many submissions did you get?

Number of Submissions: 92!

We’re in the process of verifying each submission, so this number may change, but congratulations times 92.

Q. When do I get my feedback?!

This week is devoted to receiving agent feedback, and we let each agent schedule her own slot.  This information is easily available on the June PitchFest page, and we’ll put it here just to make things easy.

Vickie Motter with Andrea Hurst & Associates – Tuesday all day, June 21st & Thursday June 23, 2011

Kate Schafer Testerman of KT literary- Wednesday morning, June 22, 2011.

Jessica Alvarez with BookEnds - Thursday morning, June 23, 2011.

Jenny Bent of The Bent Agency – Thursday evening, June 23, 2011.

Brianne Mulligan with Movable Type Literary Group – Friday morning, June 24, 2011. 

Lucy Carson with The Friedrich Agency - Friday morning, June 24, 2011.

Saritza Hernandez with L.Perkins  Agency – Saturday evening, June 25, 2011.

Q.  What can we expect this week?

1.  Cool interviews with each agent to give you pitching insights.

2. A chance to learn from the feedback, whether you submitted anything or not.

3. Some agents will also be answering questions in the comments (see the June PitchFest page).  So, if there’s something you don’t understand from the feedback or you just have a burning question, this is your chance to learn from a true industry expert.

4. A bonus for those who submitted a video pitch but were not selected for the 10 videos to receive feedback from our panel of agents.

Q. When will I learn if my submission made it?

Video Submissions: Tuesday Morning.

Query Submissions: At your agent’s appointed day/time.  See above.

Wait!  You didn’t answer my question!

No prob.  Just email Diane at PitchUniversity@gmail.com . She’ll be updating this post over the next 3 days.

Jessica Alvarez with BookEnds
Lucy Carson with The Friedrich Agency
Saritza Hernandez with L.Perkins Agency
Vickie Motter with Andrea Hurst & Associates
Brianne Mulligan with Movable Type Literary Group
Jenny Bent of The Bent Agency
Kate Schafer Testerman of KT literary

And you’re probably thinking if you haven’t entered, you have no chance…. 

But here’s the Super Secret…  we don’t do first-come, first-served.  We have several criteria, so that the PitchFest is as valuable as possible to you, me, and the Industry Pros.  Even if the Agents have met their query cap, that doesn’t mean you won’t get in. (See the rules.)

Super Secret Info

There a 100% chance that if you submit to an agent who doesn’t reach her cap that you’ll get feedback.  Obvious, but it’s worth pointing out.

With 36 hours to go, here’re who still has opening before hitting their caps:

• Brianne Mulligan
• Lucy Carson
• Saritza Hernandez
• Vickie Motter

You’re welcome.

(But remember... just because submissions have reached the number of an agent's cap--say, 10, for example--doesn't mean yours won't get chosen if it comes in after the initial 10.  It's not first come. first served.  Once the cap is reached, then we look at the criteria as mentioned in the rules under the sub-head YES, YOU MAY...)

--

Diane Holmes, Founder & Chief Alchemist at Pitch U